Bina, could you get me those doctorrs names and maybe they could get me a sternum LOL
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Southern US members seem to be a little hot under the colar right now so here's a little AC trivia to cool them down..Gil
Goldberg Brothers:
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner
Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg Brothers
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air Conditioner,'on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
I can hear your groans from here. ...(smile)
Goldberg Brothers:
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner
Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg Brothers
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air Conditioner,'on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
I can hear your groans from here. ...(smile)
Ross
Well-known member
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold, and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'=============
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold, and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'=============
yep Ross, from which the civilized greeting amongst men in our neck of the woods: (How`s it hanging) (smile)
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature
We are on a roll today....great stuff !
karen14
Well-known member
LOL, good one Greg a. Luv it! LOL.
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember fairies are female.....:biggrin2:
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember fairies are female.....:biggrin2:
Prayer to Grandpa
Prayer to Grandpa
Prayer for Grandpa
This is just too beautiful not to share.
Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa's computer.
Amen.
Prayer to Grandpa
Prayer for Grandpa
This is just too beautiful not to share.
Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on grandpa's computer.
Amen.
Ross
Well-known member
How to fix the BP oil leak?
Put a wedding ring around the pipe….it will quit putting out.
Put a wedding ring around the pipe….it will quit putting out.
Making your partner happy
Making your partner happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring alcohol
Making your partner happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring alcohol
Gil, I hate to say it, but that is mostly true......<grin>
Subject: THREE LITTLE BOYS
THREE LITTLE BOYS...
were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest church.
But only the janitor was there.
One little boy said,
"We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us." "Will you baptize us?"
"Sure said the janitor."
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now baptized".
When they got outside, one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said "We're not Kathlick,
because they pour the water on you".
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water".
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
They all joined in asking,
"Yeah, What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're
Pisskopailians!
THREE LITTLE BOYS...
were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest church.
But only the janitor was there.
One little boy said,
"We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us." "Will you baptize us?"
"Sure said the janitor."
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now baptized".
When they got outside, one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"
The oldest one said "We're not Kathlick,
because they pour the water on you".
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water".
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
They all joined in asking,
"Yeah, What do you think that means?"
"I think it means we're
Pisskopailians!
Ross
Well-known member
Choose A Urinal Challenge
Choose A Urinal Challenge
Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... Women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
1
2
3X
4
5
6X
Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.
You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Easy Section
1. Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.
1
2X
3
4X
5
6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.
2. Urinal 1 is occupied.
1X
2
3
4
5
6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kind of Tricky Section
3. No urinals are occupied.
1
2
3
4
5
6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."
4. Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.
1
2X
3
4X
5
6X
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1. You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section
5. Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
1
2X
3
4
5X
6X
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VERY Tricky Indeed Section
6. Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
1X
2X
3
4
5X
6X
Enter your choice here: __
The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God's sake, man, use a stall with a door!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... But even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."
Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?
Choose A Urinal Challenge
Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... Women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
1
2
3X
4
5
6X
Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.
You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Easy Section
1. Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.
1
2X
3
4X
5
6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.
2. Urinal 1 is occupied.
1X
2
3
4
5
6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kind of Tricky Section
3. No urinals are occupied.
1
2
3
4
5
6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."
4. Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.
1
2X
3
4X
5
6X
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1. You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section
5. Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
1
2X
3
4
5X
6X
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VERY Tricky Indeed Section
6. Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
1X
2X
3
4
5X
6X
Enter your choice here: __
The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God's sake, man, use a stall with a door!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... But even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."
Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
Greg, tell the LITTLE JOHNNY joke where the teacher asks him to use the word "contagious" in a sentence......
On second thought, better not tell it.
On second thought, better not tell it.
Ross
Well-known member
A little Steve Jobs and Bill Gates Comedy
A little Steve Jobs and Bill Gates Comedy
Here ya to. This sounds about right:
A little Steve Jobs and Bill Gates Comedy
Here ya to. This sounds about right:
Ross
Well-known member
Ross
Well-known member
'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers. '
