Cancelled my surgery at last minute, I'm an emotional wreck

[Ged1975]

Thank you all again for your support. Isn't fear a terrible thing? Fear cripples me. Some of these posts are scaring me but I guess I have to accept that's the reality and I know you all mean the very best for me and I appreciate your honesty.

If only there was a way to eleviated fear, I would do anything!

 

[catwoman]

Thank you all again for your support. Isn't fear a terrible thing? Fear cripples me. Some of these posts are scaring me but I guess I have to accept that's the reality and I know you all mean the very best for me and I appreciate your honesty.

If only there was a way to eleviated fear, I would do anything!

The day after my husband and I signed the contract to build our house, I was having an anxiety attack so bad I was hyperventillating at work. I had to put everything down on paper -- positives and negatives. Only then did I realize we were doing the right thing in building.

Perhaps you could do the same. Lay it all out in front of you on paper -- or a computer -- and list your options and what the results of those options would be. And then make a list under each option of what is needed to achieve those results.

 

[Ged1975]

The day after my husband and I signed the contract to build our house, I was having an anxiety attack so bad I was hyperventillating at work. I had to put everything down on paper -- positives and negatives. Only then did I realize we were doing the right thing in building.

Perhaps you could do the same. Lay it all out in front of you on paper -- or a computer -- and list your options and what the results of those options would be. And then make a list under each option of what is needed to achieve those results.

Thanks, Cognitive therapy was mentioned to me by the staff at the hospital. It's something I will try.

 

[palmaceae]

Thank you all again for your support. Isn't fear a terrible thing? Fear cripples me. Some of these posts are scaring me but I guess I have to accept that's the reality and I know you all mean the very best for me and I appreciate your honesty.

If only there was a way to eleviated fear, I would do anything!

Ged,
One thing to remember is fear is the opposite of faith. Jesus said in;
Mark 4:40
“Then He asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

Fear will always win IF you let it, just don't let it in.
Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from ALL my fears.

It is just being human to be fearful with this surgery, but you can not let it win, you have control over it, pray about it and have faith and it WILL be OK. This is how I made it! The Lord always keeps His word, He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

 

[terodac]

Its ok to be scared! don't worry about it they will have another opening soon. That is the business they are in. I just made up my mind that I had to get my surgery to live to see my daughter grow up! I just picked a day and went for it. So glad it is over with and I am 2.5 years post op. This surgery is not easy at all, but life is so much more important and the quality of you life. God Bless! pick another date and go for it! I only suggest Monday first op! that way you have a entire week of fully staffed good nurses and doctors around you! Good Luck!

 

[jjay32]

Thank you all again for your support. Isn't fear a terrible thing? Fear cripples me. Some of these posts are scaring me but I guess I have to accept that's the reality and I know you all mean the very best for me and I appreciate your honesty.

If only there was a way to eleviated fear, I would do anything!

Yes fear is a terrible thing that you can not let win. The scary posts are tough love from a group of friends that care a lot about you. I like the idea of writing down the positives and the negatives, it will show you in writing that the positives out way any negatives that are there. I am in the waiting room for surgery, there are days I want to get it done and over with and then there are days I just wish it would go away. Thank goodness my positive days out shine my negative days. Hang in there, Private message any of us if you want more one on one help with this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

JJay

 

[Eva]

I felt crippled too with fear of the unknown and the anxiety of 'what if/s'!! Do not feel bad for *postponing* (not cancelling) your surgery...it is very important to be ready mentally and emotionally. I could have had my surgery last April, but wanted to collect information and finding answers to 'what if' before having it. The more I read about how common this surgery is nowadays, the better I felt!

After lots of prayers I kicked the 'what if' and checked into the hospital with faith and hopes for a better health to enjoy with my life and my family.

My personal humble advise to you at this stage is to pick and choose the threads that apply to your condition only and that give answers to your questions. The idea of surgery by itself is overwhelming enough. I too sometimes get scared when I read things even now after surgery, but I take them lightly as an eye opener.

With my prayers,

 

[hensylee]

reading all these posts reminds me, yet again, the miracle of this site. there are so far 71 posts rallying round GED showing the caring of everyone for one of us. We carry each other....

 

[Ross]

I keep rereading this thread and thinking of my last surgery. I put it off as long as I possibly could. It came to a point where I just threw my hands up in the air and said whatever happens, happens. I can't keep worrying about it anymore. It's a control thing with us. If we can't control it, we fear it. This is one thing where you have no control over any part of it. You have to put it to faith and let it go.

 

[lance]

I keep rereading this thread and thinking of my last surgery. I put it off as long as I possibly could. It came to a point where I just threw my hands up in the air and said whatever happens, happens. I can't keep worrying about it anymore. It's a control thing with us. If we can't control it, we fear it. This is one thing where you have no control over any part of it. You have to put it to faith and let it go.

Absolutely Ross, absolutely. It can't be said any better than that.

 

[Braveheart]

Originally Posted by Ross
I keep rereading this thread and thinking of my last surgery. I put it off as long as I possibly could. It came to a point where I just threw my hands up in the air and said whatever happens, happens. I can't keep worrying about it anymore. It's a control thing with us. If we can't control it, we fear it. This is one thing where you have no control over any part of it. You have to put it to faith and let it go.

I had a situation almost 20 years ago, where death was a definite probability. At one point in that time, I was in the hospital for 69 days. As a result, I have considered my life after that time as "gravy".

As a result I have no fear of the operation. In fact, what is driving me nuts is getting all my ducks in a row, having a doctor agree to do the job, and making sure that I have a great surgeon.

Ross- I know only too well what you say about control. In my earlier "adventure" (cancer) I had the distinct impression that my body was working to kill me, and I had little or no control over the situation. I found that very frustrating. Meditation and imagery helped to calm me when things were getting especially wild.

 

[ponygirlmom]

Gerard --

I didn't reply to your post at first because I didn't feel like I had anything to contribute because I wasn't scared to have surgery.

However, after reading through all the responses to your post, I feel that some people were too harsh on you. So I just wanted to say that someone -- me-- who was not scared to have surgery, does understand what it feels like to really, really not want to do something (I've had that experience before.)

Here is a test -- when you cancel something that you really, really didn't want to do, does it make you feel extremely relieved or not? It doesn't sound like you feel very relieved about canceling the surgery. That's a sign that you should reschedule and work closely with your psychiatrist to find a way to help you through the process.

I hope it makes you feel better that there are people here who were also stressed to the max about surgery who "gutted it out" and had the surgery and are here to talk about it. I believe Ross said that he was very scared before each of his surgeries, and yet here he is, on our forum every day.

 

[Eva]

........
BUT a few months later, I was recuperating from OHS and my husband got diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung cancer. Only then did I realize how lucky I was that what was wrong with me was fixable. Eight months later, he was gone.This past March 19 was 2nd anniversary of his death.

I can understand the panic about OHS... I went through it! People here carried me. I am sure they remember. But valve problems , for the most part, are fixable. Please take advantage of it.

Praline,

I am very sorry about your husband...While I was at the hairdresser one day during the time I was filled with fears and anxiety, a beautiful young woman walked in to fix her 'thinning hair'...she had not been to the shop in six months as she was battling with cancer. The doctors told her they cannot do anything more to her...'it was out of control'. It shook me to realize my fears/problem can be fixed, but not hers! I felt sorry for her, but was thankful as I thought she was an angel to come at the same time I was there to give to me that message!

Yes, our hearts can be fixed nowadays and my heart aches for those who has no solution.

 

[dennis azaroff]

Gerard,I'm new here,and this my first post.

I can completely understand your fear and discomfort.Who wouldn't
be fearful of having their chest cracked open.In other places that's
called attempted murder.

There is a good book called"Feel The Fear And Do It anyway".It might
be helpful to read?It's okay to be as scared as feel,it's also okay to know
that the fear is just an emotion,it doesn't mean anything.

This operation,besides fixing your heart,can be an exercise in surrender,
in doing something good for yourself,even if it doesn't feel good.It's why
some people climb mountains or jump out of planes.I personally think they're
crazy,but one day I'm going to have my chest cracked open,and my heart
disconnected while I am kept alive on a machine [ Heart! I don't need no
steenkin' heart!],and that's my Everest.

Gerard,if you were your own loving parent,what would you say to
yourself regarding this proceedure?What is in your own best long term
interests?

It's your choice when to do it.Make it a conscious choice?Then,use it as
an example of how to make choices for the rest of your life.

Dennis

 

[Marguerite53]

Welcome, Dennis!!!! What a lovely first post. This is a very caring and supportive place so I hope we can also be of some help to you, too!

Hello, then... from a few miles down the I-5!!

Gerard.... hope today you are feeling stronger more relaxed.

Best wishes.

Marguerite

 

[jjay32]

Hi Dennis, and welcome to our zoo. I too am in the waiting room over here is eastern Washington! That was a great post to Gerard. One of these days us pacific northwesters need to get together!

Gerard, hope things are going well for you, you are in all our thought.

Jjay

 

[Eva]

Gerard,I'm new here,and this my first post.

I can completely understand your fear and discomfort.Who wouldn't
be fearful of having their chest cracked open.In other places that's
called attempted murder.

There is a good book called"Feel The Fear And Do It anyway".It might
be helpful to read?It's okay to be as scared as feel,it's also okay to know
that the fear is just an emotion,it doesn't mean anything.

This operation,besides fixing your heart,can be an exercise in surrender,
in doing something good for yourself,even if it doesn't feel good.It's why
some people climb mountains or jump out of planes.I personally think they're
crazy,but one day I'm going to have my chest cracked open,and my heart
disconnected while I am kept alive on a machine [ Heart! I don't need no
steenkin' heart!],and that's my Everest.

Gerard,if you were your own loving parent,what would you say to
yourself regarding this proceedure?What is in your own best long term
interests?

It's your choice when to do it.Make it a conscious choice?Then,use it as
an example of how to make choices for the rest of your life.

Dennis

WoW!! what an uplifting post...I feel eleated by those words, Dennis, and welcome aboard...you will be a great treasure to all of us who need the uplifting support to our emotional and mental state! Thanks for joining and I hope we can be of help to you too.

Note: would you start a new thread introducing yourself to all members!?

Welcome, Dennis!!!! What a lovely first post. This is a very caring and supportive place so I hope we can also be of some help to you, too!.......I hope so too. Dennis will definitely be a great treasure to us.
Marguerite

Gerard, let us know how you are doing? You are getting lots of prayers!

 

[WayneGM]

Welcome to VR, Dennis. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with Gerard and the rest of us.

 

[hensylee]

welcome, Dennis - thanks for a caring and thoughtful post.

I recall a dancer contestant on 'dancin with the stars' say how frightened he was to be on that show trying to dance - he told everyone listening 'go out and do something you are afraid of'. I did, the next day, and it helped a lot.

p.s. he didn't last long on the show, but he left a wonderful message.............

 

[Cooker]

I really can't add anything but I want to wish you well ... fear is fear ... everyone has them and there are many different fears and people deal with them in many different ways ... no shame it fear ... and I am sure you will master it in your own way and your own time......

Cooker