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I agree with Brad and David. Much as I adore my DH and was so appreciative of the wonderful care he has always given me, I wanted him to go home and get some rest. He was looking so exhausted I knew it wasn't going to do either of us any good for him to keep pushing himself too hard.

We were in our fifties so it isn't like we were so very senior.
It is just such an emotionally and physically exhausting experience that sometimes the patient has more peace of mind if they know their loved one is being considered in the whole scheme of what is best for everyone.

Masschusetts General Hospital CICU and Cardiac Floor is wonderful about taking telephone calls 24/7 from patients' immediate family and giving frequent updates to keep husbands/wives etc informed that we were grateful DH could call anytime he wished to check up on me. They were very informative and polite and helpful at all times he called and never discouraged him from continuing to call whenever he wished. We live about 30 minutes from MGH so, if necessary, he could get there quickly.
 
After I read the two male members' replies, and I considered that all of the previous replies had been from female members (and also before I read the last reply from a female member right before this one I'm making), I decided to ask my husband how he felt about it. Specifically, I asked him, that if he went through OHS like mine, would he rather I just let the hospital people take care of him; or would he prefer I stay with him. He said he would have wanted me there for him like he had been there for me.
 
I just wanted to say over the surgeries and several hospital, i've seen and caught a few things that could have been problems, and something that should seem simple like staff getting meds to patients a the correct time doesn't always happen. Sometimes, it isn't about keeping comfortable, as much as it is from keeping something from happening, like falling out of bed, making sure they are the right meds ect. Actually I was in the hospital for asthma when I was in my 20s by my self and after the IV was hng the nurse came running back in and looked at the bag and said, you aren't allergic to any antibiotics are you? I said well I guess we wil know with in the hour won't we. I alwasy check anything they hang on Justin, from IVs to blood, it's too easy to make a mistake, especially once the patient gets to the floor and the nurses have more than 1 patient
 
My husband spent alot of time in alot of hospitals with endocarditis, valve replacement, three strokes, internal bleeding, and other conditions that stressed his judgement and ability to care for himself totally. I would hope that my opinion is seen as that of an informed caregiver. I don't see this as a gender concern. I see it as a protection issue.

Our family does not leave people who are not fully functioning, physically and mentally, alone in hospitals to fend for themselves. As far as my husband is concerned, he seemed happy to have his loved ones around him. But, still, I would not give a fuzzy rat's butt what he thought. We want our loved ones to get out of the hospital alive so we are with them every minute...in their rooms, when they receive exrays, etc., round the clock.

One does not have to be an idealist to understand this, being a pragmatist will do. With all of the problems that are happening in hospitals, and with the lack of adequate nursing care, it seems to me that families have no other choice than to protect their own. It is my choice.

Kindest regards,
Blanche
 
Amen, Blanche!

Those who have had excellent experiences in hospitals with no problems of any sort are very, very lucky.

I guess I have been in hospitals as an observer and caregiver way too many times, as you have, and things happen that scare me to death, not only the ones I have mentioned (and many that I haven't mentioned) which were egregious, but others which I caught before they became egregious. There are just too many different individuals taking care of a patient, and too many opportunities for errors. Some don't read the chart at all, some read it and don't understand it and won't let anyone know that fact, some care, others don't care at all, some are smart, and some are not. There are medication errors, continuity of care issues, miscommunications, and just plain old mistakes.

I will say that in all of the years of being with Joe, there have been some very excellent people and caring people. It hasn't all been bad.

It just needs watching from someone who is heavily involved with the patient and really cares about that person.
 
We have a motorhome and the hospital had an area specifically set aside for motorhomes. They even delivered food to us! It made a difficult time a little easier. My husband and I (and a few other family members) were able to take turns with our son but be close enough to be back in his room in minutes.
 
Agreed on all counts. I was fully aware and functioning my first night in ICU. I think that evaluation of the physical and emotional state of the patient and care giver is necessary. My point was only that not everyone needs 2 hour family member attendance.

I didn't. My Dad didn't. My sister didn't. Many don't. Many do. Evaluate the needs as appropriate. I don't think it is only a male thing. My sister also was fully lucid and self-aware afer her surgery. She didn't need us to stay.
 
David, you always make valid points. However, I maintain that one should be safe rather than sorry. There are so many things that can cause concern with surgery of any type. You are obviously an exception, someone who could monitor himself in ICU and during the rest of the hospital stay. However, there those of us who need the protection, and I don't say protection lightly, of a significant one or a hired human with a clear vision and a clear mind.

I respect your wish to face this alone. And, I applaude your ability to handle this by yourself. Yet, I have seen so many people here who have had to handle problems post-surgery alone. Glad you were not one of them...exception, not the rule. Do as you wish. For me, I will always have an patient advocate with me, as will any of my family menbers, because we are all well aware that mistakes happen and it takes a a clear vision and clear mind to deal with that.

Glad you had a successful experience.

Blanche
 
Same Person, Different Scenarios

Same Person, Different Scenarios

Reading David's experience reminds me of my husband in 2001. It is wonderful when it goes like that, and I am so glad for David and everyone who experiences this - it is the way it should be!

My husband went into surgery strong and healthy in 2001. Surgery was Wednesday morning, he was discharged Saturday morning (he wanted out on Friday!!), handled the trip home well (about 2 hours of his wife's driving in southern CA traffic!), and was home at noon on Saturday. He had zero complications and a fantastic recovery. I remember being shocked when I walked into ICU to see him the first couple of times - he looked so good, I couldn't believe it! Yes, it is possible to come through like that. He was such an easy patient for everyone - doctors, nurses, and me! But if anything had changed, which it could have, I was there or within very close reach.

It is also possible to be more complicated. My husband was very ill in 1990 - his valve and heart failed rather quickly, and he was very sick going into surgery. In 2006, no one could really know just what to expect from a man who actually should not have survived his massive stroke two months earlier. He did amazingly well, considering how complex both of those were. It was very important that I was there as much as possible. Yes, we do need sleep, but that is where the cot comes in!

Emergency situations - my husband's stroke and TIA - were the nightmare situations for me. I was terrified both times. When the brain is not functioning, it is a night mare. These are unstable situations and the patient needs you!

Today health care is more inclusive of family, which is a welcome change. In 1990, my husband was admitted the night before surgery - all heart surgery patients were back then! - I was "sent home" at 10 PM - not allowed to stay. It was a very long night! Along with all the other planning, family members of the one having surgery should think in advance about what they are comfortable with, but also arrange to change those plans, especially if things do not go as smoothly as hoped!

For those who have never been around a hospital, they will not even know that they can ask for things such as a cot! You should also be informed about charge nurses, patient advocates, etc. prior to surgery - review the packet of information, and if it is unclear who to contact when you need help, ask ahead of time.

The entire medical system exists for only one reason - because there are patients and families. Help them do their jobs by letting them know what you need.

Blanche and Nancy, you have such depth of experience. I am very touched by your words.

Best wishes,
Arlyss
 
Those of you who posted that you sent your loved ones home to sleep..I imagine that you had your surgery in your hometown?..Not too far away from the hospital....However, I would say..that probably 80%of all AVR's..are done in a hospital in another town?(larger hospitals). Take my home state of Georgia..The most VR's are done in Atlanta..Emory/St Joseph's....Mine at St. Joseph's 100 miles from where I live....Most of these larger hospitals have rooms nearby..St. Joseph's has a Marriott on their complex...I know several Atlanta members..Bet their family members stayed overnight..rather than fight the morning traffic.:p ..........Bonnie
 
I had to reply to all of the posts that they did not need anyone at the hospital with them. My poor husband is one of those guys who thinks he can do everything on their own. His brother had stayed with him during the day for the first 4 days out of ICU and I spent the night with him. Brother went home on Saturday and Byron decided he did not need anyone during the day on Sunday. I spent the night Saturday night, left about 11 am and came back about 5 pm to spend the night. All was well so I felt safe to do it the next day. I waited until we had seen the doctor and then went home to shower, nap(there is no rest at the hospital even with a cot), feed our cat and dog and do some laundry. At 3 pm Byron called and said he did not know where he was. I told him I was on my way and tried to finish up a few things. I called the nurses desk and asked that they check on him and told them I would be right there. Before I could get back to the hospital he called again and said he did not know where he was. When I returned to the hospital he was sitting in his chair and had not left his room. He had been walking several times a day so this was unusual. His face was flushed and he indeed did not know where he was. Not only that but when I reassured him of where he was and why he was there he could not remember from minute to minute and kept asking me the same questions over and over again. I paged the Patient Care tech and she was on a break. I tried to find his nurse and could not. I finally went and got a themometer myself and his temperature was 101. We had not had a fever at all and he had charted in our notebook that his temp was 99.1 an hour before I arrived. I went to the nurses desk and told our nurse and she came to check on him. She of course had to recheck his temperature. I explained that he was having memory issues and she said she would have to question him to assess his memory loss. It was pretty apparent that his memory loss was complete amnesia of the entire couple of months leading up to the surgery. She left and went back to the station and I found our PCT in the hall. She was familiar with Byron and immediately knew that something was wrong by his expression and his constant questioning of where am I and why am I here. His temperature by this time was 102.7. In 2 hours his temp had gone from 98.1 to 102.7 and he had complete memory loss. He knew who I was but did not recognize his nurse or the PCT. Needless to say he was very frightened and so was I. The nurse finally called the doctor and they cultured blood and urine. They also x rayed him for fluid in his lungs. Fortunately none of these things were the cause of his fever. He had partially collapsed lungs at the base. They started more aggressive breathing treatments and things started clearing immediately. I do not think I could have prevented the fever but I probably could have kept him from getting so disoriented. I also would have caught the fever sooner. This nurse did not know us(we had alot of the same nurses throughout our stay) and did not recognize the strange way Byron was acting. We had gotten excellent care at St. Francis before this event and afterwards. I do not blame the nurse I think she was new and was just not as patient oriented as she could have been. The PCT was more upset about the situation than the nurse because she knew us. I should have been there to make sure things were right. I am glad those of you who sent there loved ones home had good recoveries but I just wanted to let everyone know that things can go wrong quickly even with the young and strong patients.

Sorry this is so long but it was traumatic for both of us. Byron is still suffering from some memory loss although not nearly as severe. The only explanation we have for that is the fever.

Thanks for reading,

Ann
 
Oh Ann-

What a scary, scary thing for both of you. I have to ask this--Had anyone done a complete neurological workup on him looking for signs of a stroke or bleed? If not, maybe you should ask that this be done.

Yes, things can go wrong in a heartbeat. And when you discover that no one even recognized the problem, it really makes you wonder just how much time elapses from one nursing visit to the next one.

One time, just in passing, the housekeeper told me that she found my husband laying on the floor a couple of days prior. He had fallen out of his barcalounger, and they just left him there. None of the nurses told me about it. Just another example of what kind of lousy care is available.

This is not your fault in any way. He should have been given proper care, and his nurse should have been popping in regularly just to make sure he was OK.
When you finally get the hospital bill, you will see just how much they charge for this "exceptional" care. It's astounding, and we all should expect first class care at those prices.

I DO think it is the nurse's fault for not noticing that your husband was so disoriented.
 
Ann:
I hear your words and I understand because I was there when things turned bad and I had to convince people that my dear one was on the brink of disaster. Like you, I did my best, but was not prepared for the things that can happen when hospital staff is stretched thin. I hope that nobody finds themself in hospital a few days before or after Christmas.

Al had a a bleed from the cath that they did that day. They left the sheath in for someone to take out in the morning, but during the night he began to bleed out. I woke to find him covered in his own blood. I was sure that I would be a widow soon. His nurse, a sweet, small woman of 64 was beside herself. Another nurse, a weight lifter, came to help. He held Al's bloody site closed for nearly one hour until others helped him. I can't even talk about the rest of this...Let me just say, If I had not been there and if the male nurse, Eric, had not been there, I would have been a widow on December 27, 2000. The picture that stays in my mind is that of the doctor on call, a Dr. Digornio, a cardiologist, who gave the nurses instructions by phone......even though that phone was at the nurses' station not more than 20 feet from the patient.

I encourage everyone who has a significant one in hospital to provide round the clock protection for their loved one. Although my experience is probably unusual, the usual things that happen in hospitals when there is no oversight are dramatic and deadly. This is not a matter of someone's confort, patient or significant other. It's a matter of getting the person out of the hospital alive...

I have read that people who die in hospitals from hospital error of one kind or another is between 98,000. and 200,000. a year. And, that does not include the patients in hospital who are damaged by feloneous acts by non-hospital personnel. Many hospitals are not safe places... The following link includes more information. http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/hospital_errors.html

Kind regards,
Blanche
 
wow this is really something you can sort of picture altho my mind can't quite imagine how much that would be
The equivalent of 390 jumbo jets full of people are dying each year due to likely preventable, in-hospital medical errors, making this one of the leading killers in the U.S.,? Collier said http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/11856.php

and these are just the deaths, can you even imagine how many errors didn't end in death?
 
Long before I ever met my husband, I had learned that patients need their families when hospitalized. My father suffered greatly with the cancer that ultimately took his life, and during his hospitalizations - back in the 1970s - our family learned how important it was to be with him. We cared for him as much as we possibly could because he had a great deal of pain and needed a gentle touch. My father had been stable, and my mother needed to return home, many miles away, just over night, to deal with some business. I went with her, and the call came in the middle of the night that my Father was bleeding, and we must come immediately. The only comfort was that other family members were with him - he was not alone. After a very fast drive back in the middle of the night - fortunately, no traffic - we went to his room and the bed was empty. Of course we thought we were too late to say goodbye. We found that he had been transfered to ICU, and was still alive. It is many years ago now, but I never have forgotten that feeling of walking into that room and finding it empty. It taught me a lesson I have not forgotten. My husband did have some bleeding after coming to ICU following his last surgery, a year ago.

Yes, things can change quickly. There is a reason for Intensive Care Units - because so much happens in those first hours after surgery. I was told once that today it is quite rare to die "on the table" during open heart surgery that is elective - but those first hours afterwards are critical. This is when complications - bleeding, stroke, lung problems - may first appear on the scene.

Blanche made a very important point about avoiding being in the hospital around a holiday, such as Christmas. When it is possible to choose the dates, try to avoid holidays. (Even if they are at work, their mind may be on that holiday party and not on you!) Also avoid having surgery too close to the week end. You want to be about ready to leave by the week end yourself! Doctors and nurses like to take the same holidays and have week ends off just like everyone else. You want them to be there when you are - you do not want to be "covered" by someone just filling in for them.

Best wishes,
Arlyss
 
My OHS was an emergency and was just days before Christmas. Fortunately, I don't think my care suffered for being holiday time but I would never purposefully plan it that way. There was a parade of different nurses. Didn't see the same ones all the time. It was okay but would have been more comfortable to have the opportunity to be treated by the same people.

ALSO......at all costs, avoid elective OHS/any elective hospitalizations the first weeks of July. That is when all new Interns begin at teaching hospitals. Very chaotic time period with inexperienced people doing procedures for the very first time.
 
I just thought I'd put my two cents in here... Keep in mind, I'm the patient, so I DO have some perspective on this. And my husband HAS on occasion stayed with me 24/7. However, he has not done so in an effort to "catch" the hospital staff making a mistake. It was mostly for convenience, and a desire to be near me...

That being said, he is now a nurse. And this gives us a new perspective about patients' families. It is typically the family that questions his every move that gets on his nerves, making it so he doesn't want to go into the room if he can help it. He feels THIS is more likely to result in inadequate care than if the family is pleasant to interact with.

I want to ask you how many of you would feel comfortable with someone standing over your shoulder while YOU work and doubting your ability to do your job. I'm doubtful you would like it much at all, and your work might suffer for it.

I understand the desire to "protect" your family members from any harm or potential mistakes. But attitude can go a LONG way. Do not go into the situation ASSUMING that they will make a mistake or have anything other than your loved one's best interest at heart. I'm not saying there aren't bad nurses out there... Just that you can't jump to the conclusion that just because you had one bad experience means you will be certain to have another.

Nancy, I completely agree that the things that happened to Joe are inexcusable. I'm not saying you don't have every right to be upset and feel a need to advocate for others to stay with their family members. However, I do think that this thread makes it sound as if the only way you'll make it out of a hospital alive is if a family member stands gaurd. I think you'll be making a mistake if you go into a hospital with this attitude and create friction where there doesn't need to be.

Please, all I'm asking is that you give the hosptial staff some respect that they know how to do their job.

(Please don't flame me for my comments. I'm just trying to point out another perspective.)
 
Niki,

I understand what you are saying but I don't really think the majority of the problems faced are due to poor nursing but rather the nurses having too much to do to give the attention that is sometimes needed.

I know with me, Chris (my SO) just wanted to be with me. Due to that, he was able to let the nurses know when I had problems rather than wait until a regular check. He is by no means a confrontational person and only assisted rather than hassled. In fact, the nurses indicated it was great to have him around.

Perhaps some folks do assume bad care but I don't think that is the feeling of the majority. We all know that 24/7 care is just not possible in hospitals today.
 
Gina,
I agree that nurses are overworked and it is nice to have someone around for the little things. However, the way that some of these posts read (and that could be me misinterpreting) there are people here who believe that the nurses need to be checked at every turn. From the way you describe Chris, I doubt he felt that need. The same goes for my husband when he stays with me. He helps me get to the bathroom or get a drink of water so I don't have to wait for a nurse, but he doesn't think I'll receive inadequate care if he is not there. Does that make sense?
 
Like Gina just posted..my daughter just wanted to be with me at night..:) she had never seen her Mama sick in 33 years....St. Joseph's step down unit for VR and bypass patients is a large Circle unit..with the nurses' staion in the middle.Patient doors are wide open..so they could walk around and see all of us..I am thinking there couldn't have been more than 10 rooms.so..there was plenty of help..but daughter was there to help me in the mornings..with hair/ect.breakfast and most important walking me around the unit..as much as I didn't want to do it.:p she let Daddy sleep in motel room and she would go back and rest and let him stay just for company during the day.......I remember one night..a nurse came in just to chat with daughter. Everything was quiet on the floor..and she said..how nice it was to have someone to talk to..(family)..I am sure there was another nurse at the station..........Bonnie
 
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