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I am so sorry! Sometimes parents have to step back and let everything just fall apart. And yes, he will most likely crawl back to you when that happens. And, you both will most likely help him put it all back together, because that is what parents do - as unfair as that scenario is.

I am guessing from your tone, that Chris is one that has to learn things the hard way; unfortunately that entails hardship for mom and dad as well.

Sorry for your hardship - take care of yourself so your health doesn't reflect all of your stress!!
 
tough lover

tough lover

We had to dothe tough love thing with one of our boys. We were being used by him. We finally had enough and kept getting him out of one mess after another. He is still making bad choices and this is his problem now. Has a girlfriend now and she is not the best choice but then again we do not have to live with her. It hurts when things like this happen in your family. It is hard on all of us.
 
Dear Ross:

I am SO sorry you two have been on this roller coaster. What a mess...particularly for two people who obviously love ther family.

We cannot change the actions of another person, we can only change our reactions.

Bless you both.

Marybeth
 
We had a friend, the TRUE Southern Gentleman, that told us.....You NEVER wean your children..Until they are age 40.........When we met him, he was around the age of 70..Gone, now..but, I will always remember what he said....that was about 15 years ago when he told us that..so, things, haven't changed.......from what he said, guess he was talking about the 1950's....Children will always come back to their roots......Our son is age 37..Called an hour ago to ask to speak..with my wonderful Father. I said, how much will it cost us? :D He laughed..but, it was a serious call asking his Dad about a job change?I told my Huby, let me talk to him..I asked him, what did his wife think?.He said, she said, ask your Dad.:) ....Bonnie
 
Ross--my heart goes out to you and Lyn, and to Chris and Savannah, as you all cope with this tragedy. You are all in my prayers!
Carolyn
 
Ross said:
He keeps calling and driving me nuts about wanting a cigarette. I called the nurses station to see if he's giving them a hard time. Nurse said only about the smokes and that he'd have to ask his Doctor for an order to allow it and then he'd have to go outside to have it. He HATES his leg being moved even a little bit, so I told the nurse to go hand him a big stick and every time he wants a cigarette, to smack himself in the ankle with that stick and see if he still wants one. :eek: I wonder if he's willing to deal with the pain of being moved into that wheelchair, wheeled over bumps and other things in order to go outside?
hmm.gif
Am I mean or what? Actually, this is an idea of one of the male nurses down in ICU.
Click to expand...


OK, I know I'm way behind on this thread, but I love the idea of whacking him on the ankle when he wants to smoke. We have patients wanting to go smoke all the time--I wish they could see what a fungal infection in their lung would do for them.....
Carolyn
 
You are still a wonderful Dad Ross...
hang-in-there mate...
in about 10-20 years Chris will remember this and be thankful
(((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
 
Kid Trouble

Kid Trouble

Ross, You made a great effort! I have a soon to be eighteen year old nephew that's giving us some trouble. I won't be used anymore either, but I can't help worrying about where he's headed. Sometimes stopping the help is the best thing we can do. I will keep you all in my prayers. Your valve bro, Brian
 
BDMc said:
Ross, You made a great effort! I have a soon to be eighteen year old nephew that's giving us some trouble. I won't be used anymore either, but I can't help worrying about where he's headed. Sometimes stopping the help is the best thing we can do. I will keep you all in my prayers. Your valve bro, Brian
Click to expand...
I'll be around behind the scenes to pick up the pieces, but if boy wants to be man, boy will become man and in a hurry.
 
If Only...

If Only...

Ross, What a blessing your love for Chris is for him! If only we could get him to see it without having to go through so much sufferiing! You are so right about growing up! Take care of yourself and your wonderful wife. I know it's torture to watch him make the mistakes, and it does take a toll. I'll be thinking of you. Brian
 
Ross, we are still with you................

Ross, we are still with you................

wishing we could do more. Unfortunately, Chris sounds a bit bull-headed (gee, wonder where he gets that from? ;) ) and he is going to have to find out the hard way. I suspect that he will come dragging in with his tail between his legs before too long. I just hope that his ankle doesn't suffer permanently from it. I know, too, despite what you say (and from one insomniac to another) that this is going to eat at you until it's resolved. Useless to say I know, but try not to. You can't let it affect your health, too. YOu have our love. Hugs. J.
 
hensylee said:
Ross, sometimes they just use us all up and then we back off - only thing we can do. God bless you both.
Click to expand...

Yes, Ann, you are so right. In a case in our extended family, the mom did not back off when many think she should have and now 15 years later her daughter is still in one jam after another and is continually in a need to be rescued mode. Ross, we are behind you and, as hard as it is, good can come out of it. Love to you and Lyn.
 
Being that this is publically available and part of public record, I'm posting the offending drivers arrest record and a link to his prison profile. All I can ask is, what is wrong with our court systems?

03-02-2001 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 333.03A ; 30/25 SPEED ARRAIGNMENT: 03/08/2001 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
03-02-2001 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 337.27B1 ; DRIV SEAT BELT ARRAIGNMENT: 03/08/2001 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
10-16-2000 COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 303.01A ; COMPLY W/ ORDER ARRAIGNMENT: 10/16/2000 @ 08:45 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON RD SE MASSILLON OH 44646
07-27-2000 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 335.07A1A ; DUS FRA ARRAIGNMENT: 07/27/2000 @ 08:45 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
07-27-2000 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 331.14 ; VIOL TURN SIGNA ARRAIGNMENT: 07/27/2000 @ 08:45 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
01-26-1999 COMPLAINT FILED. 2917.11A DISORDERLY COND A MM DEGREE OFFENS
08-10-1998 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4507.02B1 ; D.U.S. FRA SUSP ARRAIGNMENT: 08/10/98 @ 08:45 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646 BOND: $ 1000.00 10%
08-10-1998 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4511.26 ; OPP VEH TRF VIO ARRAIGNMENT: 08/10/98 @ 08:45 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
05-27-1998 COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4513.263B1 ; SEAT BELT ARRAIGNMENT: 06/03/98 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1241 HURON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
08-10-1998 COMPLAINT FILED. 2925.11A DRUG ABUSE A MM DEGREE OFFENSE.
01-27-1997 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 335.07A1B ; FRA SUSP ARRAIGNMENT: 01/27/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON RD SW MASSILLON OH 44646
10-03-2000 2919.25A (F5) - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
01-27-1997 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 313.06 ; FLASH SIGNAL ARRAIGNMENT: 01/27/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON RD SW MASSILLON OH 44646
01-27-1997 (O) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 335.11A1 ; FICTICIOUS REG ARRAIGNMENT: 01/27/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON RD SW MASSILLON OH 44646
01-27-1997 (P) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 513.03 ; DRUG ABUSE ARRAIGNMENT: 01/27/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON RD SW MASSILLON OH 44646
05-19-1997 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 333.01A1 ; DWI ARRAIGNMENT: 05/19/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
05-19-1997 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 335.07A ; D.U.S. ARRAIGNMENT: 05/19/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
05-19-1997 (O) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 331.36 ; PEELING TIRES ARRAIGNMENT: 05/19/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
05-19-1997 (P) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 337.02A ; LIGHTED LIGHTS ARRAIGNMENT: 05/19/97 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1241 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
07-24-1995 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4507.02B1 ; D.U.S. FRA SUSP ARRAIGNMENT: 07/28/95 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1047 10TH ST SE APT4 MASSILLON OH 44646
07-24-1995 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4549.08 ; FICTITIOUS REG ARRAIGNMENT: 07/28/95 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1047 10TH ST SE APT4 MASSILLON OH 44646
07-24-1995 (O) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4513.263 ; SEAT BELT ARRAIGNMENT: 07/28/95 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1047 10TH ST SE APT4 MASSILLON OH 44646
12-12-1994 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 335.07 ; DUS ARRAIGNMENT: 12/12/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
12-12-1994 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 331.19 ; STOP SIGN ARRAIGNMENT: 12/12/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
11-28-1994 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4507.02 ; NO O.L. ARRAIGNMENT: 11/28/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
11-28-1994 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4503.21 ; INVALID TAG ARRAIGNMENT: 11/28/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
11-28-1994 (O) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4503.12 ; TRANSFER PLATES ARRAIGNMENT: 11/28/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
08-09-1994 COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4507.02A1 ; NO O.L. ARRAIGNMENT: 08/19/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HERON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
08-01-1994 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 335.07 ; DUS ARRAIGNMENT: 08/01/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HERON ROAD SE MASSILLON OH 44646
08-01-1994 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 333.03 ; 49/25 SPEED ARRAIGNMENT: 08/01/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HERON ROAD SE MASSILLON OH 44646
07-12-1994 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4513.361 ; FALSE INFO ARRAIGNMENT: 07/12/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON RD SE MASSILLON OH 44646
07-12-1994 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4511.20 ; RECKLESS OP ARRAIGNMENT: 07/12/94 @ 09:00 AMADDRESS: 1333 HURON RD SE MASSILLON OH 44646
04-14-1994 (M) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4511.21C ; 57/25 SPEED ARRAIGNMENT: 04/19/94 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1333 HERON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
04-14-1994 (N) COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4513.263 ; SEAT BELT ARRAIGNMENT: 04/19/94 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1333 HERON SE MASSILLON OH 44646
04-04-1994 COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4513.263 ; SEAT BELT ARRAIGNMENT: 04/14/94 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1333 HERON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
12-21-1993 COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 4507.02 ; NO O.L. ARRAIGNMENT: 12/28/93 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1333 HERON AVE SE MASSILLON OH 44646
07-02-2001 COMPLAINT FILED. 2903.11A1 FELON ASSAULT A F2 DEGREE OFFENSE
07-02-2001 JOURNAL ENTRY PER COMPLAINT FILED DEFT TO POST BOND OF $15,000.00 CASH OR SURETY REQUIRED, NO CONTACT WITH VICTIMVILLAGE TAVERN
05-15-2000 COMPLAINT FILED. 2919.25A DOMEST VIOLENCE A M1 DEGREE OFFENS BOND: $ 1000.00 SURETY
05-15-2000 JOURNAL ENTRY PER COMPLAINT FILED, DEFT BOND TO CONTINUE. ASSESSMENT/COUNSELING CENTER OF WESTERN STARK COUNTY WITHIN24 HOURS FOR EVALUATION FOR GED. TEMPORARY PROTECTION ORDER, NONE PER VICTIM.
04-18-1994 (M) COMPLAINT FILED. 525.09 RESIST ARREST A M2 DEGREE OFFENSE. $750 BOND 10% CASH ISSUED
04-18-1994 (M) JOURNAL ENTRY PER COMPLAINT FILED, GUILTY, $100 & CC, 30 DAYS JAIL, 27 DAYS SUSPEND COND NO RELATED CONVIC 1 YR#942101
04-18-1994 (N) COMPLAINT FILED. 509.03 DISORD CONDUCT A M4 DEGREE OFFENSE. $250 BOND 10% CASH ISSUED
04-18-1994 (N) JOURNAL ENTRY PER COMPLAINT FILED, GUILTY, $50 & CC, PAY BY 4/29/94 #942103
03-29-1994 COMPLAINT FILED; CHARGE: 313.02 ; RT OF WAY SIGNS ARRAIGNMENT: 04/06/94 @ 01:00 PMADDRESS: 1333 HURON SE MASSILLON OH 44646

Canton municiple court
11-14-2000 313.03 (MM) - DISOBEYING TRAFFIC DEVICE
11-14-2000 337.29 (MM) - NO SEAT BELT

http://www.drc.state.oh.us/OffenderSearch/Details.aspx?id=A409164&pg=x
 
bvdr said:
Yes, Ann, you are so right. In a case in our extended family, the mom did not back off when many think she should have and now 15 years later her daughter is still in one jam after another and is continually in a need to be rescued mode. Ross, we are behind you and, as hard as it is, good can come out of it. Love to you and Lyn.
Click to expand...

I also have an aunt and uncle that continued to help my cousin through many jams. Finally, at about age 40, they realized they weren't helping and now at age 50 my cousin has been sober for 7 years. It's just so very hard to let go and let adult children find their own way, especially when you see them headed down the wrong path. Ross, you and Lyn are being the best kind of parents in letting Chris handle his own life, but it certainly is a tough decision to parent that way. I truly think you will know when it's absolutely necessary for you to step in. God Bless.
 
I'm sorry to hear of your

I'm sorry to hear of your

troubles with your son, Ross. I know you have been through a lot lately. Tough love - it is necessary sometimes.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Ross, as well as Lyn - and your son.

Christina L
 
Ross and Lynn:

Good grief.I've never seen anything like that list. It in and of itself is criminal. I cannot imagine how angry you both must be. We are thinking of you.

Marybeth
 
It is So ridiculous this has been going on w/ this a$$ for over 10 years, the real shame is IF he had to stay in jail the entire 4 years, the accident wouldn't have happened. no wonder the cops get so frustrated, not to metion the grinning pic, makes you just want to slap him,
i am sorry ross, it isn't right. Lyn
 
Ross, I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for you. I can only tell you that you and Lyn will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers as you all go through this ordeal. Being a parent can really be tough at times. We just do the best we can. Unfortunately, parenting doesn't come with a manual. I'm sure if it did, it would be a best seller. LINDA
 
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