Post- Op with little children...Please help!

[andrewsmomma01]

Hello, my name is Jaime and I just joined this group this last weekend. I have BAV with severe regurgitation. After my last TEE about a week ago they determined that my Aortic valve and left ventricle are bad and my heart is thickening. I will find out this week when I need surgery. My Cardiologist told my husband last week it will be anywhere from 2 weeks from then and a year. So here is my concern.

I have three children, 9 year old, 3 yr old and 7 month old. How do I recover while taking care of them. I cannot even pick up my 7 month old to get her out of her crib to even change her. She needs everything done for her. My 3 yr old needs a lot done for him as well. Now if surgery is during the summer my 9 yr old will be able to help, but what if it isn't.

I have no real close friends and we live 25+ minutes from any other family members and most of them work. My husband will be able to take off while I am in the hospital, but once his paid time runs out we cannot afford him to take off any more. So I may have at most the first 7-10 days after surgery covered, but what about after that?

So my questions is for those with or without with kids, but with minimal support, how did you recover? This is my biggest fear, how do I remain super mom with little to no help? How do I get to follow up appointments with no babysitter or driver? How do I take care of my kids? Especially, if something happens, I cannot just get up and run to see who fell or got hurt or anything like that. I wish we had the means to hire a nanny/housekeeper for the first 5 weeks home, but we don't. My husband works two jobs so I can stay home with the kids, just for us to live paycheck to paycheck, but have the bills paid! Please help me and thank you, so much of what I read has been so encouraging and has helped me feel more at ease at my upcoming surgery.

ETA: I am only 30yrs old as of Jan 20th!

 

[kfay]

Jaime, Hi and welcome. You aren't the first on here to have young children to take care of after having heart surgery. However, I'm afraid you are going to have to find some people to help you for a while. You just will not be able to pick up your baby. Your sternum will be broken and they will put a weight limit on you for approx. 6 weeks or so of 7 - 10 lbs. If you don't follow that, your sternum may not heal properly. Something you might discuss with your surgeon though is minimally invasive or a thoractomy, where they go through the ribs instead of the sternum. That might allow you pick things up earlier.

As far as driving, again, different surgeons give different dates on how long before you can drive, but most people are some where between 3-4 weeks. You are going to have to find a relative or a friend to take you to Dr. appts during that time frame. I know you may feel awkward asking people, but you may be surprised if you reach out to people how willing they will be to help you. Do you belong to a church? Do you live in a large neighborhood or does your 9 year old go to a big school? All of those are places that you could reach out for help if your immediate family is unable to do so. If you have to, send your two little ones to stay with someone for a couple of weeks. They'll be fine and it will be good for you. Cook and put away as many meals as you can before you go into the hospital.

As far as day to day stuff at home, I was able to cook dinner and do a load of laundry once I was home from the hospital ok. Taking care of two young children all day long by myself would have been a different story. I would have been wiped out. Your body will be tired and sore and needs to rest. You are going to need help for a minimum of a couple of hours a day to let you get some rest. That's at a minimum, and that's pushing it for the first couple of weeks.


Kim

 

[Greg a]

WELCOME TO OUR OHS FAMILY we are all brothers and sisters in OHS so welcome ....there are many of our family that have walked in your shoes and will weigh in here soon

God bless the mothers of our family

 

[Marguerite53]

Hello and welcome to our wonderful community!

My 3 children were all grown when I had my surgery, but knowing what it's like to have 3 little ones I really can appreciate your anxiety about this situation.

Your 9 year old is in school. Perhaps that is the best place to start!! Please make a point of either going in to see the teacher or send her an email and ask for a meeting. Let that teacher know what is going to happen. He/She will need to know anyway so as to help your child through any anxieties, etc.. And, I just KNOW that all your child's classmates families will jump in to help you. Schools usually have lots of volunteers and so many do-gooders and the like. But they sure can't help if they don't know what's going on!! So you're going to have to ask for help. You really are going to need it. You just won't have the energy for awhile. And you really must not lift for awhile, either!

Remember. This is your heart. There is something very special about a person's heart. When something like that needs fixing, you will really get everyone's attention! They will be deeply moved by your courage and determination. This is a very personal event you are about to go through and your community will definitely want to help you!!! But, again. You have to ask.

If all goes perfectly (it will!! Mine did!!) you will be in and out of the hospital in 4-6 days. Sometimes there are little bumps in the road and your stay may be a few days longer. When you first get home you will be very weak. You will be on pain killers; not for your heart, really -- but for your healing sternum. It will ache. You will be stiff. You will feel like you kinda got hit by a train. But!! You can take care of yourself as long as someone kind of has your back (the drugs are a little disorienting). I had friends come by during the day for a week, and then I was fine. I didn't do housework for quite awhile, but cooking was fine. Everyone is different.

Don't think you can do this by yourself. Not at first. You cannot. You owe it to your family to protect your healing body. It is very important to let others help you until you can resume.

You can get healthy and return all the favors very soon. Don't worry about that part! People love to be helpful to growing families. It gives them pride in their community. Let them help you.

Okay! You've got some phone calls to make.

Come back with any and all questions. We are here for you!!

Best wishes.

Marguerite

 

[Lynlw]

Hi, Sorry to hear you have so much to worry about. I pretty much have the same suggestions as Kim, do you belong to a church or any organization? Also the school could be a good place to ask for help if you need it, Maybe you could talk to the PTA or room Moms and I'm sure you could get a little help, even driving your son anywhere he needs to go or bringing you meals. Maybe even if he is in any sports or groups like Scouts you can find some help.
I know when different parents in my sons class or teams were going thru something medically, we'd sign up to bring meals to the family, car pool ect. I know it can be hard to ask for help, but when it is time for surgery, I bet if you just let people know they will offer. When they do offer to help, take them up on it and ask if they can do something that you need help with.
Hopefully if family member aren't hours away, they can help out a day or 2 and take turns.

 

[Philip B]

Help

Help

As others have noted, you've little choice but to get some help lined-up. Given your description of what you are facing with regards to surgery, it sounds like you've got some time to pursue lining-up some help.

Lifting and carrying your young kids isn't the only issue you'll need to deal with. Successful recovery requires rest. You'll need some coverage to help with that.

Don't let yourself get pulled into a bunch of guilt stuff because you'll need some recovery time. Keep in mind that getting the problem fixed should increase your odds of being with your kids to watch and support them as they grow-up. A few weeks of recovery translates to a lifetime of supermom pursuits.

It would be nice if circumstances insured that everyone could wait to have valve replacement surgery until their kids were able to take care of themselves. Unfortunately... well, you know how things sometimes go.

Twenty-five minutes from other family members isn't that far. The bulk of the coverage you need is the time when your spouse is at work.

-Philip

 

[andrewsmomma01]

Thank you all for your responses. It is very helpful. I am going to talk to my son's school. That is a great idea. We live in a smaller community and everyone in his school is close by. I am sure if nothing else they will help with meals or they have been know to run fundraiser for people who had medical problems to where they will use the funds to help with daycare/transportation and even just checking up on us. And Philip I find that is going to be the hardest part...feeling guilty all the time, I am a person all about others...I put everyone one my family first and even feel guilty when I go out with my sister-in-law just for a few hours maybe once every other month. I know I am going to need help to get some rest, my kids don't even nap at the same time anymore so I will always have one awake! Thank you all with your suggestions, I will check into them all!

 

[Greg a]

last fall when my daughter had surgery Camp Double G opened and the kids loved it so much that when both our kids went to The Dominican Camp Double G was the exciting stop for a five yr old atwo yr old AND four dogs

The camp director (aka grandma) and her bunkie enjoyed the time more than you can imagine!!!!

Only downside was they went home ; (

 

[neil]

good advice given by all above................good kuck and am sure you will be fine

 

[neil]

whoops wrong key.......luck

 

[Allisoninoz]

Neil ... could have been a worse key ...

whoops wrong key.......luck

 

[AgilityDog]

Contact your local visiting nurse association. I know they are non-profit, but don't know what they charge, or how they charge, or if it's charitable. They can coordinate not only skilled nursing, but also home care assistance. Perhaps they can help out. Maybe your insurance will pay for some home care, too.

 

[neil]

:angel: yea lot worse lol................

 

[njean]

Like others have said, you WILL definitely need the help when you get home, especially with your little ones. Contact your doctors and express your concerns with them. There are nurses that will come to your home to help you, if need be and you will be needing that!!!

Also you didn't mention your neighbors? Could you possibly talk to them and see if they can lend a hand? A lot of times people want to help but they don't know how or if they will be intruding, so don't be afraid or too shy to ask!

Supermom will need to take care of herself when she's home, so get busy and get people lined up to help you!

Best of luck to you!

 

[andrewsmomma01]

Thank you all. I have one neighbor who offer to help when she could, which will be nice. I am waiting to find out exactly when then I will be on the phone working out all the details! Thank you guys are GREAT. Also, I agree it could have been a worse typo than kuck, lol!

 

[Michelle D]

I don't know what kind of insurance you have if any, but my insurance would have paid to have a home nurse after my surgery. You may want to check into that. My husband and my mother did a lot to help me but there were times that I struggled with getting someone to get me a meal or drive me to a doctors appointment. Also you might try to find out if family members can take a week off of work and stay with you. My mom took a week's vacation when I got out of the hospital and that was very helpful. You sound like you don't want to be a burden to your relatives but you will need help since you can't pick up your 7 mon old. I have a 10 lb boston terrier, I was unable to pick her up or give her a bath for about 7 weeks. Everyone heals differently but you can't do this on your own or you risk not healing properly and really hurting yourself.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

The *usual* instructions from Surgeons are to NOT PULL / PUSH / LIFT more that 5 lbs for the first 6 weeks, then 10 lbs for the next several weeks. Note that a gallon of water (and milk, juice, etc.) weighs 8 lbs.

Most Surgeons suggest NO Driving for 6 weeks. Many will relent for LIMITED Daytime Driving at 4 weeks in order to get to followup appointments. You do NOT want to tear your healing sternum while turning your head to see behind you for example! Riding in the Back Seat is recommended for the first few weeks if your car has AirBags. Many members put a pillow under their seatbelt to prevent rubbing their chest.

It helps to have someone with you for at least the first week at home because you will be EXTREMELY weak and tired. Most patients find they sleep only a few hours at a time and NAP frequently. Getting into and out of Bed can be a challenge and 'uncomfortable' if you are used to sleeping on your side.

Many patients report sleeping in a Recliner for the first several weeks as that is more comfortable and easier to get into and out of. Another option is to sleep on a couch with you back at an angle, propped against the back cushions and seat cushions. An Inclined Pillow is another option, or a Body Pillow.

There are several threads on what to take to the hospital and how to prepare your home for your return, probably in the Pre-Surgery and Post-Surgery Forums. Maybe even in the Stickys at the top of those forum thread listings.

Feel free to ask any and all Questions that come to mind. Usually there is someone who can address most issues since most of the members (or a family member) have "Been There, Done That".

'AL Capshaw'

 

[malibu82]

hi there

i had my surgery last May. at the time i had a 5 month old and a 18 month old. talk about bad timing!

you will not be able to lift them at ALL for at least 5-6 weeks. when i say lift, i mean bend down and pick them up off the floor, crib, diaper changer, car seat or anything.

however around week 4 i was able to hold them if someone handed them to me. i dont know how you will do it without help. you will have to get help somehow. maybe seek church or hospital volunteer groups. beg a family member to come stay with you!

my husband stayed home about 1 week. i scheduled my surgery during summer break so my sister and mother in law could take turns to come over from the time my husband left for work, until he came home.

it will be a huge change, you will be mad, feel helpless and sad that you can't be "supermom" anymore. but in this situation you have to sit back and recover so that you will be there in the long run and now you will be super super mom now that you are all fixed up!

things i could do was still change diapers if someone laid them on the floor for me, i could make their meals and feed them (if someone got them in their high chairs) i could still play with them on the floor. they could sort of snuggle with me if i watched their quick moves. i could do the dishes and clean.

if you have anymore questions please feel free to message me!

jackie

 

[andrewsmomma01]

Well I just heard from the Surgeon and surgery will not be until atleast summer...WHEW... They said due to my age and the severity of my heart that it would be better to hold off as long as possible. Since I have not crossed the NEED TO HAVE threshold, I will get another TEE in June and go from there! Thank you all!

 

[Greg a]

That will give you more time to get the information that you are seeking and there is a wealth of knowledge here for the future .....


Bob/tobagotwo has up dated a list of acronyms and short forms http://www.valvereplacement.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=8494&d=1276042314

what to ask pre surgery http://www.valvereplacement.org/for...68-Pre-surgery-consultation-list-of-questions

what to take with you to the hospital http://www.valvereplacement.org/forums/showthread.php?13283-what-to-take-to-the-hospital-a-checklist

Preparing the house for post surgical patients http://www.valvereplacement.org/for...Getting-Comfortable-Around-the-House&p=218802

These are from various forum stickies and there is plenty more to read as well


And Lynw recently added this PDF on what to expect post op
http://www.sts.org/documents/pdf/whattoexpect.pdf