My Son Chris

[Lea]

Continuous prayers

Continuous prayers

For this surgery to be a great success

 

[Lynlw]

Ross, just letting you know your family and especially Chris have been on my mind all day, Lyn

 

[gijanet]

Mine, too!

Mine, too!

Ross, just letting you know your family and especially Chris have been on my mind all day, Lyn

Mine, too. Still in our prayers. Sending lot of love and hugs. J.

 

[Praline]

Ross...

Ross...

I have not been around much but that does not mean that I don't think about you and Chris. I just have my hands full here.
But every morning at school when we do our moment of silence I send prayers you both of you.I am hoping for some positive news soon.

 

[hensylee]

I am sure many are checking in this thread constantly - like me. And wishing for something to hang on to.

 

[aussigal]

Hi there matey...just sending out some more prayers that all is going well this time...
much love and big hugs

 

[Ross]

Yesterday did not go as we thought. The Doctor took him down to the OR, took the old, dead graft off, then cleaned out the area and called me to say they would be doing a complete redo on Thursday. He said this is the first graft he's done in 7 years that has failed and that Chris anatomically has an abnormality with his blood vessels and veins being microscopically tiny. He thinks this is why it did not take. He's going to try abdominal muscle and tissue on Thursday instead.

Chris is being mean to everyone, including mom and dad. Lyn and I both felt like we shouldn't have been there yesterday after putting up with his complaints for 6 hours. It's not the meds, he's been without them and is just as mean. I'm ready to take his butt down the hall and let him see some REALLY SICK people, who cannot call out for help or complain at everyone and let him see just why nobody is dropping to the floor bowing to his commands.

 

[Phyllis]

Oh, Ross- such agony for you all. My heart goes out to all of you and I hope that Thursday brings good results. It sounds like the doctor has the experience and knowledge to get the job done. You all will be in our prayers. I hope that Chris soon realizes the blessings of having parents like you and Lyn.

 

[Nancy]

Maybe Chris should have a psych consult, and I don't mean that in any nasty way. It sounds like major depression, and who would blame him? His life has been turned upside down with a very major thing. He's young and not as resilient as us elders.

He will probably need something like that anyway to get through physical rehab which I am quite sure, will be a long term thing for him.

I am so sorry he has to have this problem. I hope he can get some help to get through it. I know you and Lyn are supportive as can be, but this has got to be overwhelming, beyond all reason.

God bless.

 

[Ross]

We had on Psych in already and was promptly verbally abused and thrown out of the room by Chris. This is not going to be anything easy. He's like Hurricaine Katrina, devastating everything in his path.

 

[marky]

Still praying here..
Maybe he needs a Big Bouncer type guy for the psych consult?
Sorry that you are going through so much right now..
and praying for a better graph this week!

 

[Nancy]

Well, those guys (shrinks) are supposed to be able to handle people with anger. I don't think much of someone who didn't at least attempt to see him again and again. Maybe a second opinion with someone who isn't intimidated.

 

[Lea]

I was so hoping it was working this time The next graft HAS to be a successful one. Maybe when he sees light at the end of his tunnel his attitude will change... Still praying for all of you.

I definitely agree with Nancy's comment about the Psy.

 

[Ross]

Well, those guys (shrinks) are supposed to be able to handle people with anger. I don't think much of someone who didn't at least attempt to see him again and again. Maybe a second opinion with someone who isn't intimidated.

I don't think it was so much intimidation as it was out right shock at how beligerent he became. I look for the guy or one of his associates to try again shortly.

 

[Susan BAV]

I've read that people who suffer amputations can suffer a grief, similar to losing someone you love, and I've seen some of that grief, though in (relatively) milder forms, among some few of my friends and family members -- relatively milder, meaning loss of toes and parts of fingers although it's certainly not mild to the lossee. Happily this hasn't happened to Chris yet but there's that fear there. Also, many previously healthy people who are suddenly faced with severe health issues also suffer deep emotional shocks and frustrations -- like the stages of grief, including ANGER, as most of us have personally experienced here. I'm really sorry he's venting on you and your wife. The best advice I read on this site to prepare before my AVR -- and I think it was in some research that Nancy recommended from previous postings -- was something a male member wrote about, "No whining; nobody likes a complainer," or something like that. So I kept running that through my head after the surgery when I hurt and was depressed and was miserable and it helped me to focus on something else and to cope. We are all of us feeling for you. I have two sons and can empathize with your situation.

 

[Marguerite53]

Oh Ross. I'm sorry things are still going so rough. What a nasty time for your son. Gosh, he's just a kid. Has his finacee been able to be with him and calm him down some? Maybe the psychologist could speak with her and use his "wisdom" through her until Chris can calm down and be more receptive.
I'm sure you have reassured your son, but maybe the fiancee could do a littlel more reassuring. Sounds very much like fear, as others have alluded to.

I can't help but wonder if his fear and anger aren't compromising his recovery, also. And I know that blood flow is increased by a good massage. He must be getting awfully cranky in those dreadful hospital beds. Can someone send in a physical therapist or a masseuse just to massage his neck and shoulders and back? I mean the kid was in a major car accident. Other things could be very very stiff and mildly wrong, and being overlooked in the face of this thing with his foot.

I'm so glad that the doctor is paying attention and looking for reasons and not giving up!! That is very good news. At some point, Chris needs to realize his part in his own recovery.

Oh, and my oldest son went nuts with anger when he had his wisdom teeth pulled. Some people are very sensitive to all the meds. Ask about antidotes! Maybe there's something they know that they aren't thinking of.

Good luck. Hang in there!

Marguerite

 

[tobagotwo]

Chris remains in my thoughts, as do you and your family.

The anger is a very taxing thing to try to deal with. Is he still running a fever, or could he have had a small blood clot? Or is he on some steroid? Just poking. Maybe it's partially organic..?

The surgeon is going to do his darnedest, you can be sure of that. He plainly is unhappy with the original failure.

Very best wishes,

 

[Lynlw]

sorry really long, (but there is a point lol )

sorry really long, (but there is a point lol )

Ross, first I want to say thank God chris did not find out he had to lose his foot yesterday that is a Blessing and hope is still there. Next i am sorry Chris is making this harder on everyone including you and Lynn.
I thought like Nancy (I do that alot it doesn't make me nervous llike when I think like YOu tho lol) about psych and am sorry that didn't help but not really surprised, maybe there is someone on the staff that could try to befriend Chris a little maybe a male nurse around Chris age just offer to play some cards or maybe there is a a music therapy person, that doesn't have to announce he is a music therapy person just a guy that came to play some music to start with.
the reason I said i wasn't surprised was I went thru this in a much smaller way and it didn't last long, mainly because it wasn'tand ongoing problem. BUT when Justin was 10 he went for his heart check up the doc said a little stenosis see you in a year, (after justin finally got thru all the post op problems at 2 he had no heart problems the next 8 years) anyway a few weeks later I found out his origonal card and surgeon were back in the country and close to us, so wanted to switch his care back to them since they are some of the best in the world (his surgeon was Norwood) but instead of waiting until he was due for his next appt in a year, we made an appt for so they could see him healthy as a baseline since it had been a few years. Well his pc wasn't happy w/ the "little Stenosis" so wanted to do a cathto look around. before the cath we were as honest as we could be about what he would go thru how he would wake up, since he couldn't remeber his other caths, so he was fine with everything. Well after the cath it was determined he needed OHS the next day We were really shocked when he woke up from the meds we told him everything and he was alittle scared but ok. so he had the surgery and also ended up with a pacer. when he woke up post op on the vent w/ all the tubes he was terrified and really angry at us, (and that was before he knew about the pacer) because of the drugs, he didn't remember anything after the cath, so thought we said he would wake up w/ a few stitches on his groin and was REALLY Mad because he thought we lied to him, and that we knew he was having surgery, It was awful he refused to talk to anyone. Then when he found out he also had a pace maker the only thing he would say was take it out, I don't want it none of my friends have them, and would go back to not talking.When he got on the floor. There was a young male nurse named Raymond, he didn't really try to talk w/ Justin just came and built lego's with him and after a while Justin started talking to him. (see there really was a point to this long thing) he was still PO'd at us, until Raymond told him (while playing play station) that WE didn't know about the surgery and as soon as we did know we told him Now it wasn't all of a suddden he was ok with it, but after raymond opened the door a little he was much better and he started to believe we didn't lie to him , even tho he never rememberred the day after the cath,and still rememberrs he went in for a cath and woke up on a vent w/ tubes everywhere. Honestly out of all the things we went thru w/ Justin, this was the hardest time emotionally for me,when he was so angry at me and thought i lied, so I can imagine on a small scale what you have been feeling
So I was thinking maybe there could be someone that could just go offer to play playstation or cards w/ Chris and not try to talk until Chris wants to talk. I really hope things are better for all of you soon, Lyn

 

[Karlynn]

I don't think it was so much intimidation as it was out right shock at how beligerent he became. I look for the guy or one of his associates to try again shortly.

Sounds to me like he might need some medication to control his anger at this time. If this is not his normal personality, which I guess it isn't since his Mom and Dad have let him live to this age , he is definitely going through something and needs medicinal help with it as much as he needs medicinal help with pain. He has been through a lot of physical AND emotional trauma. The doctors should be addressing his psychological well-being as much as his physical well-being because that will impact his ability to recover and regain control of a "normal" life. I agree with Nancy, no psychologist worth their salt is going to let a patient badger them out of the room and then just give up.

 

[Nancy]

I can relate to what Lyn has said. During Joe's recent hospitalization, in the ICU, he was also angry. Told me I was a traitor and had betrayed him--how?? I have no clue. He told me this more than once. He was very agitated at the time and angry that he was in such bad shape, not to mention all the drugs they were pumping into him, and all the procedures he had to endure.

I just brushed it off, and kept on doing whatever I was doing.

Now, he has absolutely no memory of those things, and I am his best friend again .

They did give him Ativan and afterwards Klonopin (not both together), but they must have interacted with some of the other meds. He immediately hallucinated and became lethargic, and moving around way too much while sleeping. It was strange. Very peculiar meds. I finally axed that type of drug. It wasn't for him. I actually thought he had had another stroke.

His antidepressants are about all he needed.

Anyway, I hope there can be some emotional relief for Chris. He needs to be strong emotionally, maybe even more than physically, since in emotional health is the secret to giving your all to recovery. He's going to need that.