how does one recover

[laurad37]

How does one recover with 5 kids and a husband who doesn't help? I have 2 teens that are competely taking advantage of the situation. My stepson is the only one that is remotely nice. My 2 youngest ones fight fight fight. The 7 yr old is out of control... screaming she hates me, kicking, spitting, hitting, kicking the back of my seat in the car today... OMG that hurt.

I ask my hubby to go get things from the store that I would like (I can't drive yet). He can't even do that. Last week I waited 4 days for a gallon of milk. It wasn't until my mom came back that he finally got off his ass to get it. But yet he manages to go buy smokes for himself everyday. Last night he was going to the store to get some movies. I asked him to get me some frosted mini wheats (the first craving I had in a couple days). Do you think he got them? NOPE. So this morning we were driving and I asked him to go thru the drive thru at mcdonalds cuz I was so hungry (he hasn't gone grocery shopping). He said, "no, there were too many people". But managed to go into the gas station that is connected to mcdonalds to get smokes for him.

I am getting so sick of this crap. I am almost 4 weeks post op and he thinks I should be back to normal. He hasn't lifted a finger to clean the house since my surgery. He hasn't done one piece of laundry. I find myself picking up after everyone. I am just fed up and ready go to live somewhere else where I can recover properly.

Sorry for the vent. I'm just sitting her crying again and I didn't know who to talk to.

 

[Nancy]

Laura, I don't know what to say, I am so sorry. The surgery is difficult and the recovery takes a long time.

I know what I am thinking about the situation you are in right now, but I dare not say.

I watched my poor husband go thgough so many surgeries and other terrible things. In my wildest dreams, I would never have treated him that way.

I'll say some prayers for you.

 

[neil]

he should be treating you a lot better,bet if the boot was on the other foot,you are still at a early stage and need lots of tlc........if i was nearer id get your things...hope he relises what hes putting you through

 

[Superbob]

Laura,

I find this appalling. Is there some way your mom could come back to spend some time with you to help out? Maybe some good friends who could help? Some way you could get your doctor to talk to your husband about the help you need? (and help he needs, frankly, kicking that nasty smoking habit)....I, too, will offer prayers.

 

[Bina]

Laura, can you hire a cleaning lady for a few weeks?
Even though my hubby was working from home for a couple of months and he was doing the grocery shopping and pet care, we began to argue about the "correct/my way" to clean the toilets. Apparently I'm fussy. LOL
Anyway, I got a cleaning lady to do the vacuuming and bathrooms; the light stuff I could manage or didn't care about.
Guess what? I still have the cleaning help.... she is a lovely, kind, honest woman.
Another thought, is there a pastor who your hubby will listen to? Social worker?
Good Luck.

 

[Bridgette]

Sorry Laura for what you are going through. You need to get tough with him, are you able to do that? Or maybe your mother can sit him down and point out a few home truths, as well as giving the kids a talking to? That works for me, LOL.
Also, as someone else suggested, you could talk to your doctor or even one of the nurses at his practice and get them to let your hubby know that you are still very much in the early stage of recovery!!

 

[Tbone]

You can try reminding him of his marrage vows, but good luck with that. You could try to have him go to your next doctors appointment with you & have the doctor explain it to him. Other than that I just don't know unless somebody that he knows can explain it to him.

As far as the teenagers go remind them that you are the mother & they will start to help around the house more , or you will remember it when they ask permission to go somewhere (ground them) this summer. There is ALWAYS somewhere the teenagers want to go that you could withhold if they do not cooperate.

I can usually get the younger ones attention just by snapping my belt together. It would be good if you could set some time to spend with them though because they do not really understand what is going on. It doesn't take much to throw a tea party with maybe a friend of the seven year old, you could get your teenagers to help serve it. Some flavored teas & finger sandwiches, maybe some little goodies?

I wish you the best of luck, and the strenth to find enough patience to keep from killing someone, or saying something you will regret. It is ALWAYS the mothers who have surgeries who have it the hardest. HANG IN THERE.

 

[Tbone]

Laura,

I find this appalling. Is there some way your mom could come back to spend some time with you to help out? Maybe some good friends who could help? Some way you could get your doctor to talk to your husband about the help you need? (and help he needs, frankly, kicking that nasty smoking habit)....I, too, will offer prayers.

I hope he doesn't smoke in the house while you are recovering. I would set some ground rules there, after all it is summer.

 

[laurad37]

Laura,

I find this appalling. Is there some way your mom could come back to spend some time with you to help out? Maybe some good friends who could help? Some way you could get your doctor to talk to your husband about the help you need? (and help he needs, frankly, kicking that nasty smoking habit)....I, too, will offer prayers.

YOu know thats another thing that bothers me... I have 2 very good friends. Talked to them every day... I had the surgery, the never once called me in the hospital and still have yet to come and visit me. I'm ready to say screw everyone.

 

[CA Pigg]

Laura,
I am SO sorry, he is being such an ASS!! That is the nicest word I could use, I have some pretty horrible words going in my head right now! He should be helping you and keeping the children in line. I'm just so sorry you are having to clean up after everyone and getting treated like you are. I will be praying they wake up and see what they are doing and start taking care of you!!!! You have had a major surgery and you deserve the time it takes to heal properly and not be treated so badly by him or the children...Please take care of yourself and do not let them run you down!!! I am praying they wake up and for your recovery!!!! I'm thinking about ya!!!! Like Superbob asked anyway your mom can come back??

 

[laurad37]

I hope he doesn't smoke in the house while you are recovering. I would set some ground rules there, after all it is summer.

no, he smokes outside

 

[palmaceae]

YOu know thats another thing that bothers me... I have 2 very good friends. Talked to them every day... I had the surgery, the never once called me in the hospital and still have yet to come and visit me. I'm ready to say screw everyone.

Sorry to read this Laura. I am very blessed as my wife and 2 grown children helped me a lot, and still are. Like TBone said, you should remind him of his marriage vows. I will pray for your healing and situation.
I know what you mean about "friends", not one from my work called me to see how I was doing and my best friend from work said he would visit me, had not yet and I am almost 10 weeks post op! Sure that bothers me, but my pastor visited me the 1st day after surgery and is in constant contact with me. My "friends", well they were not as much friends as I thought, but that's OK, I have the Lord and my family, and that is what gets me through. I can always count on the Lord, He is always there, and always will be. You can never be alone if you have God in your life.
I will pray that your husband turns around and helps you and helps keep the kids in check.
God bless,

 

[bugchucker]

Damn, I'm very sorry your in this situation. Have you played the guilt card with the kids yet? Wish there was something I could do to help!

 

[Bina]

Laura....have you ever seen the TV show "The week the Women Went".
All the women in a town leave for vacation and the hubbies have to deal with the housework, kids, cooking, cleaning, everything!
Tell them to shape up or you are calling a Taxi and going to a Hotel. Your situation is abusive.

 

[cherylchapa]

Laura, If I could, I would get on a plane right now and come help you out. I don't even know you and I wouldn't treat you that way! And those friends of yours are no friends at all! Have you called them? You might try calling and laying on the guilt a little. Do you have a church family you could call?

I really hope they get their act together! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

 

[laurad37]

Laura....have you ever seen the TV show "The week the Women Went".
All the women in a town leave for vacation and the hubbies have to deal with the housework, kids, cooking, cleaning, everything!
Tell them to shape up or you are calling a Taxi and going to a Hotel. Your situation is abusive.

I threatened yesterday to go to a hotel... I got absolutly no response.

 

[zipper2]

Oh Laura i feel for you,couple of our friends went on vacation
during my surgery,never called,never responded to see if i even if was alive.
I felt like the story of the hen who gets all the work involved to get the bread baked,when it was baked they wanted to eat it so to speak.

I'm sorry to read the distress with hubby and children,sometimes i find
in my own home it never ends with running back and forth to long drives to
my cardio,not excuses but i too get tired of it and i see my family needs a break,they've gone through alot and they need that break,however they are
always open to my needs and i'm the one who feels like the burden and if i allow the pattern i can bring myself to tears also(still) but i always want things the way they were before and i think too it's a part of our huge surgery
and all our bodies go through is the part they find hard to want to understand sometimes,cus they have their own ways of dealing with it.

Talk to all of them Laura and make your needs understood and remind them they will understand
I will add my prayers for you in this along with everyone else.

zipper2 (DEB)

 

[laurad37]

Laura, If I could, I would get on a plane right now and come help you out. I don't even know you and I wouldn't treat you that way! And those friends of yours are no friends at all! Have you called them? You might try calling and laying on the guilt a little. Do you have a church family you could call?

I really hope they get their act together! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

I have called them.. one told me twice she was coming, never called or showed up. The other one said she was coming once but texted and saying she wasn't coming because it was raining. It's a 10 minute drive for crying out loud.

I do belong to a church and my pastor did come see me the day after surgery.... i just dont know what to say to him... my family is screwed up and I don't wanna be here anymore. I just don't know.

The worst part of this, is my husband has no clue why i'm so upset. Even though I have told him why.

 

[Bridgette]

Just go - wait till he is home from work, then call a taxi and GO, GO, GO. It sounds like that is the only way to shock your family into cooperation. Don't announce your plans till the taxi is at the door.
I can tell you that I know someone who did a very similar thing and it gobsmacked her family who were just taking her for granted all the time. She didn't go to a hotel though, she went to a friends place and stayed there for a week. For the first three days she didn't answer their calls - they were getting totally frantic. Long story short, it gave the family a very rude awakening and things were a lot different when she went home.
Worth a thought Laura.

 

[David L]

How does one recover

How does one recover

Laura:

"There is a destiny that makes us brothers,

No one goes too far alone,

That which we put into the lives of others,

Will soon come back into our own"

He keeps smoking it will be his turn for OHS, and only then will he understand what we go through post op and how weak we really are, and how much help we need.

Make him read my post, maybe it will turn the lights on for him!

Good luck, and god bless!!