how does one recover

[IanH]

Laura,

My heart goes out to you for having to deal with this situation. I hope you are able to find the support you need whether it be from friends, family or the church. You deserve it!

Now I think I'm going to go hug my wife and family/friends for all the support they gave me. I have a new appreciation of them after hearing what could have happened.

 

[jax]

laura,

i'll be right there with you when i have surgery on the 28th. althought my husband will pick stuff up from the store that i want it may take him a couple days. My problem is going to be getting him to do all the cleaning that i have been doing since we've been married. I still don't mind doing it although even before i knew my problem i would say it would be nice to have some help with the cleaning since i am working full-time too. but to this day he hasn't lifted a finger. so my week this week will be filled with getting the house clean before all of my testing starts on tuesday. because i have a funny feeling that no cleaning will be getting done after surgery by him and it will be waiting for me to start feeling better for me to do. i feel your frustration sometimes you just want to choke them huh?

 

[Jackie]

Laura,

Hop on a plane and come to Ohio. If you can't do that, go to a hotel (one that has services) and do not tell them where you are. I am serious - you are in jeopardy of a bad recovery with all this BS and, if they continue to hinder, you need to get out of there.

You have to look out only for yourself right now.

I agree with Gina, go for it.

 

[Jackie]

Laura,

Hop on a plane and come to Ohio. If you can't do that, go to a hotel (one that has services) and do not tell them where you are. I am serious - you are in jeopardy of a bad recovery with all this BS and, if they continue to hinder, you need to get out of there.

You have to look out only for yourself right now.

I forgot to say my prayers and best wishes are being sent, and HUG too.

 

[corrineinwa]

I don't walk in your shoes Laura but this is not a healthy situation, either physically or mentally.

You've got to do everything you can to look after yourself sweetheart. Maybe time everyone else at home had a wake-up call.

 

[escargome]

Laura,
After reading all the posts and suggestions I can only say GO STAY WITH YOUR MOM. DON'T TELL THEM YOU ARE LEAVING. JUST LEAVE. I am truly sad to see that your family can be so selfish. As to the subject of friends, well mine all dropped me like a hot rock when I was hospitalized Jan 2008 with meningites. Guess they thought I would contaminate them, so when my heart surgery was in May 2008 I expected nothing and was not dissapointed. I wish I could come to you and help you out. Just remember we are all your family also so talk, cry, vent, scream. We got your back....

 

[Jkm7]

My heart goes out to you, Laura, and can't imagine how hard this is for you.

Your Mom was with you for a while and it seems likely she observed how things were in your household. She may not have said anything to you but surely she saw the kids didn't help and had to pick up on your husband's attitude/lack of assistance.

Can you go to her home for a while to get your strength back? Would she understand if you simply said you need peace and comfort and help during your recovery and you are not getting it in your home? Would you rather be in her home? That may not be what you want.

It is easy for us to say what you should do but seems many of us who want you to have a full, lasting recovery see it in the same way..... something must be done to get it for you.

Sending big hugs and best wishes.

 

[Superbob]

Laura,

I saw your comment on the Significant Others forum a few days ago indicating that your mom had spent week two at home with you. Perhaps you could go spend some time now at her house? Just a quiet, stress-free environment could be therapeutic for you.

Please let us know how this resolves because we are all worrying about the situation you described. Best wishes....

 

[Ross]

Are you O.K.?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurad37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ross
Stupid question when reading the thread, but if I were there, I'd be kicking a few *****, children included. Maybe you need to pack up and get out of dodge until your feeling better and let them all kill each other until then.

If I can help in any way, I'm here. Wish to God people like yourself never had to go through this crap, but it seems more and more people are.

Hi Ross, Can you please forward this to the board.. Just not really into it right now... I left yesterday. I called and asked my Mom to come and get me after he nearly jumped on my chest and was screaming at me at the top of his lungs in front of my two small children.

While I was waiting for my Mom to get there, the took off with the kids. My daughters 7th bday is today and won't let me see her. I am not sure what I am going to do... He says there is nothing to talk about and he's sick of me being lazy and tired and a bitch. I will keep you posted. But if you could pass this along so that everyone knows I am ok and staying with my mom. Thank you.

Will do. I feel your a little safer, but please, consider getting a restraining order against him, at least temporarily. Sorry your going through all this, as if surgery wasn't enough.

Ross

 

[Herb M]

You need to leave. Go to a resort to recuperate. If you are able, take a cruise.

 

[geebee]

Laura,

I am still praying for you and am comforted to hear that you are out of the house. I know you must be sad, scared, worried about your children, etc. Please try to concentrate on getting better; the rest will still be there when you have recovered. You, on the other hand, will not be around without taking care of you. Hope your mom is aware of your needs.

May God bless you and keep you safe.

 

[Christina]

What happened Laura?

What happened Laura?

Dear Laura,

I felt real bad for you when I was reading your post and couldn't believe a husband would treat his wife like that. After I read all the posts I decided to go to your carepage and there I read the following:

Laura's Story
I am the mother of 5 great kids and enjoy being a MOM and can't wait to get back to that role. My illness is making it very difficult right now to do everything I used to do as MOM. I don't know what I would do without my wonderful friends and family. I can't even begin to express the admiration and respect I have for my husband. He works, takes care of the kids, takes me to all of my doctors appointments and still keeps the house up. I can't thank him enough.

The above doesn't sound like the husband, kids and friends you describe in your post. What happened?
Just curious!

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[hall]

Laura, I am so sorry. I am glad you are at your moms. I know this has got to be hard but you need to concentrated on yourself and getting well. No one deserves to be treated like that. You are in my prayers.

 

[cherylchapa]

I know what you tell him...

I know what you tell him...

I do belong to a church and my pastor did come see me the day after surgery.... i just dont know what to say to him... my family is screwed up and I don't wanna be here anymore. I just don't know.

You tell him you need help. You can't fix your husband. He is who he is. don't worry about him. You call your pastor and tell him you need help at home. Let him call in the big guns. And by that I mean the little old lady's club. Let them into your home and sit back. That's what they are there for! You husband will either be guilted into helping out or not notice. Who cares? You take care of you anyway you can!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[zipper2]

Are you O.K.?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurad37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ross
Stupid question when reading the thread, but if I were there, I'd be kicking a few *****, children included. Maybe you need to pack up and get out of dodge until your feeling better and let them all kill each other until then.

If I can help in any way, I'm here. Wish to God people like yourself never had to go through this crap, but it seems more and more people are.

Hi Ross, Can you please forward this to the board.. Just not really into it right now... I left yesterday. I called and asked my Mom to come and get me after he nearly jumped on my chest and was screaming at me at the top of his lungs in front of my two small children.

While I was waiting for my Mom to get there, the took off with the kids. My daughters 7th bday is today and won't let me see her. I am not sure what I am going to do... He says there is nothing to talk about and he's sick of me being lazy and tired and a bitch. I will keep you posted. But if you could pass this along so that everyone knows I am ok and staying with my mom. Thank you.

Will do. I feel your a little safer, but please, consider getting a restraining order against him, at least temporarily. Sorry your going through all this, as if surgery wasn't enough.

Ross

Oh Laura,i'm so sorry i hadnot realised from your earlier post that
it's esculated too abusiveness (this is serious) and keep us posted so we
know you are alright.

Glad to read your out of there(HUGS)

zipper2 (DEB)

 

[pamela]

Dear Laura,

I felt real bad for you when I was reading your post and couldn't believe a husband would treat his wife like that. After I read all the posts I decided to go to your carepage and there I read the following:

Laura's Story
I am the mother of 5 great kids and enjoy being a MOM and can't wait to get back to that role. My illness is making it very difficult right now to do everything I used to do as MOM. I don't know what I would do without my wonderful friends and family. I can't even begin to express the admiration and respect I have for my husband. He works, takes care of the kids, takes me to all of my doctors appointments and still keeps the house up. I can't thank him enough.

The above doesn't sound like the husband, kids and friends you describe in your post. What happened?
Just curious!

Hope you feel better soon.

Christina, a lot can change in the dynamics of a relationship. Would you be content to tell the world how afraid and helpless you feel if you were still in the situation? I don't think so and I think that's why we have the sugar coating in L's story.

I'm glad she's safe right now and can recover. I truly hope she can get her kids safe once she's stronger and well. It takes time and now she's found a breathing space.

Dear Laura,

I hope your 7 yr old will grow to understand that you didn't desert her, but instead, you were forced to leave. Document it all so that you will have a case to bring forward if there are child custody issues in the future.

Take Heart,
Pamela.

 

[Bina]

Some spouses actually do have a mental breakdown when the other one is sick. They can't take the pressure and usually have coping problems. It is important to seek help since some marriages don't survive serious or chronic illness.

 

[laurad37]

Dear Laura,

I felt real bad for you when I was reading your post and couldn't believe a husband would treat his wife like that. After I read all the posts I decided to go to your carepage and there I read the following:

Laura's Story
I am the mother of 5 great kids and enjoy being a MOM and can't wait to get back to that role. My illness is making it very difficult right now to do everything I used to do as MOM. I don't know what I would do without my wonderful friends and family. I can't even begin to express the admiration and respect I have for my husband. He works, takes care of the kids, takes me to all of my doctors appointments and still keeps the house up. I can't thank him enough.

The above doesn't sound like the husband, kids and friends you describe in your post. What happened?
Just curious!

Hope you feel better soon.

What happened is that I had surgery..that's when everything changed.

 

[Bina]

Laura, you hang in there! Pretend you are on an island on vacation.

 

[geebee]

Good to hear from you Laura. Hope things are getting a bit easier being out the the situation (at least physically).