Laura,
My wife is also named Laura, but I'm the one with the surgery. I have noticed a common thread with knee-jerk divorces and Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformations. These spouses have suddenly been faced with their own mortality and don't like how it looks. A majority, by the grace of God or at least a healthy perspective on life and death, just stand by the spouse who has just "counted coup on the Pearly Gates." Others, when they see the huge scar on their beloved's chest see only death and are reminded full force of not only the spouse's mortality, but his/her own. A lot of people resent TRUTH of that magnitude thrust into their faces--and the scar that reminds them day after day of the invariant facts. Knowing I was technically dead for 61-63 minutes, affected Laura quite a bit, but in her case it made her much more motherly toward me. Even now she puts together my nightly and morning pills for me, despite the fact that aside from the aspirin, none are heart-related. She gets bursts of hot temper a bit more often not only toward me, but also the children more often, but she always comes around after a while and tries to make things right again.
Laura, your husband and kids just didn't react in a healthy way to your near brush with death. I guess your husband's version of 'grief' involves lots of anger. And since you happened to still be around, he misdirected it toward you. Kids are kids. In this iPod, X-Box, cell-phone, texting generation, even death seems to be just a "Twitter" event to be posted--it takes a while before reality can properly intrude such an overstimulated existence. I guess it got through--I'll pray that everyone involved will realize your current needs, and accommodate them appropriately. Your daughter's statements of "I hate you." are probably really strong statements of powerful emotions that she doesn't even know how to properly express. She loves you as much as ever, but hated what happened to you and can't separate the two things emotionally. Perhaps it's something she inherited from her Dad--maybe even genetic. With some good prayer and counseling, the family may be able to get through this grieving period.
My own family has taken this in different ways. My daughter is completely fine about it, and even asks to rub some baby oil on my scar sometimes. My son is much moodier since the surgery and a bit angrier, too. My parents and sister are all just glad I made it, and our relationships have pretty much returned to normal. I still don't have a job, and frankly, I rather would just farm and write science fiction instead of trying to get back into chemistry--with this economy it would just be an exercise in futility anyway. Yes, our brushes with death affect the people around us, and it just can't be helped. The only One we can always rely on is God, Who decided our lives on Earth have further purpose and provided the surgical techniques necessary to bring this about.
At least I was blessed to have kind compassionate immediate family. Yes, I also noticed the almost complete exodus of my friends out of my life as well. Good riddance--actually I miss them, and understand their response to my mortality. I'm starting to make new friends, and look forward to the new life ahead. Laura, that new life awaits you, too.
Chris
