#@%$ DMV and other STRESS

[Gnusgal]

I just really need to vent today. So please, bear with me, and if you work (or used to) for the DMV, I don't mean this personally...

Today I had a followup doctor's appt. at 10am. I decided to take the whole day off for it, so I could get some other things done as well (like getting my liscense renewed). I did need to return to the school at 4 for rehearsals, but other than that my day was pretty open. I was so excited, after a stressful day yesterday, that I would have this day away from work and perhaps get a chance to de-stress a bit. BOY was I wrong!

My doctor's appt. was fine. Nothing surprising, everything is going okay. They still want to do a stress test, but will wait until after I start rehab to do that. I even went to my other card and was able to get my ProTime paperwork signed so I can send that back. No big deal, and I'm thinking the day is going good.

Then I head to the DMV. WOW! Can you believe it, there was NO line at 12:30! I thought "Now THIS is getting to be a great day." I didn't even get a chance to walk away from the sign-in desk before my number was called. I went strait back, and filled out the paperwork I was given. It asks some simple questions about this and that, and about health history. Stupid me thought I should be honest and wrote "yes" by the "heart trouble in the last 2 years" question. The lady behind the counter is entering info into the computer when she notices this "yes" and asks me what kind of heart trouble. I told her I have congenital heart defects and a mechanical valve (didn't mention the pacemaker, but oh well). She calls over another employee and asks her about it. She doesn't know, so they call in a police officer. SHE doesn't know either! She pulls out a medical dictionary and is trying to look up "congenital heart defects." No one bothered trying to ask me what it meant... After only finding out that "congenital" means "from birth" (duh!) they begin consulting their policy guides and such. Guess what. Because I have a "birth defect" (nothing specific to heart at all) I must take the DRIVING TEST to renew my liscense! Excuse me??? I've had these problems SINCE BIRTH, and got my drivers liscense just fine 10 years ago with these problems, renewed it several times with no problems, and have a perfect driving record! So why, after all this time do I suddenly have to take a driving test? It's not that I was afraid I'd fail or anything, it's the principle of the thing, and the inconvenience! I had to sign a whole bunch of paperwork describing my condition and my hospitalizations and sign off saying that I was "volunerily" taking the driver's test. Volentarily??? No. But if I didn't sign it or take the #@%$ test I wouldn't get my liscense (and it would be suspended until I took the test) so what choice did I really have? So I took the test, passed, and got the liscense. I'm sure my picture will look lovely with that scowl I had plastered on my face.

There's more to it that irritates me. First, they told me that they had had these policies for awhile, but ever since 9/11 they've had to be more strict about them. What?! And how is my birth defect going to effect terrorist activity? Also, I would think a letter from my doctor would be more apt to tell if I'm fit to drive than a 5 minute driving test, wouldn't you? I just don't get it!

I guess part of the reason I'm so royally pissed off is that it makes me feel like even more of a freak than I already do. I already feel like I don't fit in with other people my age because I have to worry about my health all the time, while they are all discussing having babies (which I can't even do) and buying homes. I feel like my health is getting in the way of my doing my job the way I wish I could and I just didn't need the added proof that I'm different. I realize it's unhealthy to dwell on this, but I just can't seem to get it off my mind for very long. Hopefully after a good night's sleep (if that's possible) I'll be able to.

Thanks for "listening." I hope I didn't offend anyone. I know those people were just doing their jobs, and they didn't write the policy. I just don't understand the policy.

 

[hensylee]

Can you beat that! I agree with you all the way. I would have been pi- mad, too and probably ranted and raved some, which you apparently didn't do and probably was best. Sometimes our honesty gets into all kinds of trouble. Makes one wonder why we were taught that honesty is the best policy! And yes, they were doing their jobs - quite poorly, in my opinion.

And you are not different. You are one among sooo many, if you just look around. Lots of things you can't do, but others have drawbacks, too. You have talent or you would not be doing the job that you do - it is so important, that job you have. You have so much power to influence young lives and what a blessing that is. Not just for you, but for those you touch. Be proud of what you are and what you have. God bless

 

[Gnusgal]

Actually...

Actually...

I DID let them know how I felt. I used "nice" language, but I let them know exactly what I thought of their policy. After the driving test (durring which I said not one word) the lady said "I know you didn't want to take the test, but at least it's done and your liscense won't be suspended." I replied with "I still don't understand WHY I had to take it in the first place." That's when she gave me the BS about 9/11. I'm usually a very timid person, but I sure griped about that one. Unfortunately, after they showed me the way it was worded in their manual, I knew no ammount of griping would get me anywhere, so I gave up and got it over with. Glad I didn't have to wait in line before hand as well... Unfortunately, when I get upset, I also get teary eyed, which doesn't help one to look very tough...

Thanks for letting me know I'm not being silly about being pissed.

 

[Ross]

I think, after the fact and all that you've been through, I'd fire off a letter to the director of DMV and perhaps even the Governor of your state about it. It would seem that they don't have a clear understanding of the written law and that should be changed.

 

[RobThatsMe]

WHEW!!!!! It's days like that, that make you look forward to tomorrow!

Happy Motoring!

Rob

 

[Gnusgal]

Thanks all. You've helped me to feel less like I'm over reacting. When I called my husband to tell him what had happened, his only reply was "Did you pass? Then what's the problem?" He was more understanding later, but it really irritated me that he didn't understand how upsetting it was. Maybe because he's always been healthy (rarely even gets a cold). He did find the 9/11 comment stupid, though.

Also, I failed to mention that I was TOLD this is the only time I'll have to take the test. They claim that they will send the paperwork to Austin and it will go into my file that I've passed the test. I passed it 10 years ago too, but that didn't seem to matter! I think from now on I'll lie on that stupid paper. Just to make sure. I even told them "You realize that you're encouraging me to lie from now on, don't you?" They didn't have a reply for that (they were too busy trying to figure out how to spell mechanical).

Anyway, thanks again.

 

[sylviayasgur]

wow niki!
i hate those kind of days. i cannot blame you one bit for being p---ed off, i think i would have lost it altogether!!!
turned red in the face and a temper flare up!!!
i am such PRINCIPLED person that i tend to lose sight of some things when out of principle i feel something is wrong (thank God i have joey to set me straight!).
anyway, it is behind you and done with.... i'm sorry you had to go through all that, but again, as you said, it's a good thing there were no lines that day.
glad to hear the dr's appt went well. that's the most important part.

janie, that was so wonderful of you to supply all that info...certainly makes niki's life (and anyone else with gripes) easier!

hope today is a better day .
stay well, sylvia

 

[Jean]

Niki, Kiddo, you are NOT a freak, sweetie. I know it won't help your hurt over not having children, but there are other ways and I won't preach because I know you know all that I would say. I only had my one daughter due to circumstances beyond my control and when we tried adoption were told after we were approved it would be a 7 to 20 year wait...! so I stuck with my babe and made the best of it. In retrospeck I think maybe that was the way it should have been. Had I been involved with more of my own children I know now that I either wouldn't have been as good a parent as I truly wanted to be for my daughter or I wouldn't have been as good a mentor for my kids at school and in 4H. I think I lucked out having my one gem and having enough of myself left for the other kids in my life that so often no one else wants.

And physically, don't let that puny scar put you off. I have had both breasts removed due to cancer and chose not to do reconstruction for various and myriad reasons. When we were last in Europe with friends, we went to a nude beach (if you wanted to) and everyone else went in the buff (or not so buff), but I was too self conscious. I felt the freak. My good friend talked me into just wearing a t-top and by the end of the day I felt comfortable enough that I doffed it too. Whew that took some doing on my part, but nobody else even seemed to give it a thought.

My point is, you are not a freak. You are a unique child of the Earth. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Vicki448]

Niki, I guess I can count my lucky stars that I renewed my license on-line. No frills and thrills...only have to check that you believe yourself to be of sound mind, etc.....I had no problem checking that one! Oh well, it's past tense and you don't have to go through it again. But, I know how you felt at the time!!!! Do follow up with a letter and such. It will make you feel better about keeping your mouth shut and minding your manners like your mama taught you.....take out your frustrations in print! A Letter to the Editor in the Dallas Morning News might be good, too.

 

[Christine]

hang in there girl!! - i know how you feel.. i'm 35 and my world changed forever 5 months ago when i had my unexpected, emergency AVR...

now i'm limited to the occasional glass of wine while my live-in boyfriend lives on beer.. (i know, that's not good either, perhaps when he goes back in january for his retest of cholesterol/triglycerides he'll finally scale back) i too don't have any children and doubt i ever will - and it's been a month after i finished rehab and it's finally sinking in that i need to excercise, both for my heart and weight loss.. i love food and realize i can't do the weight watchers point system - tried it last year.. didn't like it.. so i joined ballys up the street from work on parker/alma..

i don't like the fact that my boyfriend can smoke/drink beer and eat the wrong things and his only problem is his slightly elevated cholesterol, which of course he's currently in denial about.. he had bad teeth way longer and much worse than i.. i harped on him to take care of it and get his dentures before a infection might hit his heart.. he's fine (and got his dentures) but I'M the one that had endocarditis hit my bicuspid, i only had root canals going on.. my point is that it exhausted me to no end trying to figure out the fairness in all this.. and i finally had to except that this is simply the way it is.. these are the cards that i was delt and it's up to me and me alone to make it work...

being a loner of sorts, (not much for big crowds) i don't have many 'social' friends to rely on, but i have do have a great support system - my co-workers here locally and across the country, my family back in PA, my boyfriend and especially the people here - who without, i'd probably be in Terrell State by now..


so hang in there - and remember, we're all here for ya

chris

 

[Simon Gee]

crazy rules

crazy rules

Hi Niki,

I really understand your frustration. I would feel exactly the same as you in similar circumstances - it's a good thing we don't have to renew our licence here in the UK until we're 70! What makes the rules completely bizarre is that you are a much safer driver now you have had your heart condition diagnosed and repaired than you would have been driving around with a problem that could have 'erupted' at any time! That's rules for you, they're are some crazy ones in every walk of life.

Simon

 

[Jean]

This must be my age showing, but Ladies, whoever said anything about life being fair. I too understand your feelings, but get over it and get on with life which even 25 years ago you probably would not have any more of. I am sorry for being so blunt, but I think you don't realize how lucky you are.

 

[Gnusgal]

Jean

Jean

I never said I wasn't lucky. I know I am. I wasn't predicted to live to be a teenager, yet here I am at 26. I don't dwell on "why me" too often, but I feel I'm entitled to it once in awhile. And I think I'm entitled to being angry about a stupid policy. I don't think anyone here WAS dwelling on "why me" attitudes, either. Christine said she DID, but has accepted the cards she was dealt. Just my opinion, just like you have yours.

And when I call myself a "freak," I am referring to my complex anatomy. I don't even fit in here, completely. Yes, I did have my valve replaced. However, my internal anatomy is so unique, and I've had to deal with it ALL MY LIFE, not just because I suddenly started having problems. I've never gone a day of my life without knowing I couldn't do the same things everyone else can. Do I pity myself? Maybe sometimes, but only in small respects. I know that if it weren't for my heart, I'd be a completely different person, and I LIKE who I am. I even have started thinking about becoming a child life specialist so I can help children who are going through hospitalizations and surgery feel more safe and secure. Which I know I wouldn't be as good at if it weren't for my heart and what I have gone through. I know God has a purpose for my being this way. (Though I seriously doubt it was so I would have to take the driver's test again... )

Sorry, Jean. Must have struck a cord with me unexpectedly. I hope I didn't come across rudely.

 

[wlaldridge]

"Don't let the turkeys get you down!"

I was looking for the cartoon, but can't lay computer to it.

Try to remember, most of the great people of all time were "different" often considered "freaks" and frequently felt mistreated and unappreciated.

It is a wonder that more people don't "go postal" in this world. Thank goodness most have some way to deal with all the TURKEYS.

Vent and be as rude as you need to be. We love you and will be there to try to shoo the turkeys out of your yard.

Bill

 

[ALCapshaw]

Your comment about becoming a Child Life Specialist caught my attention. Is this a VOLUNTEER position or a PAYING position?

I've always thought it 'interesting' that the Surgeons and Cardiologists all cite the importance of support systems but offer little more than a booklet about your upcoming surgery. No one (heart doc's) seems to want to take the time ($$$) to provide background and support to their patients.

My PCP takes the time to listen to me and gives me good support. It seems like the Heart guys don't want to listen to anyone unless there is a critical 'event'. Is this typical?

'AL'

 

[Jean]

Geeze, I guess for an English teacher I don't express what I mean very good...I was not referring to your hassle with the el stupidos at the license bureau. I will just shut up and disappear and not bother anyone .

 

[Vicki448]

Niki,
You go, girl. You feel free to express your feelings and thoughts - that's what this is all about, isn't it?

 

[joy]

Niki, I don't really have much time to type, but just wanted to let you know I am sorry that they were jerks at the DMV, and I agree. I will pop in later when I get the chance to add to this, alright?

 

[Gnusgal]

Jean-

NO! Don't go away! I am sorry I misinterpreted your post. Maybe I was feeling I had made too much out of the whole ordeal and was defending myself without cause... I don't know. But don't worry, I wasn't meaning that you needed to go away!!! I don't want to offend anyone either!

Al-

It would be a payed position. I don't know why they don't provide "adult" life specialists, but a lot of hospitals (not all, mind you) are realizing the need for someone to help the little ones get through the stress of surgery or hospitalizations. They don't get paid any more than teaching does (which is what I am now), but I feel like doing that kind of job might be a bit more rewarding, and perhaps not QUITE as time consuming (since I also direct the after school play productions). Essentially they are "play therapists." They are trained in how to understand what a particular child needs in the way of information, and how to give it to them in a manner that will make them more comfortable. They are also there for the siblings who have to watch their brother or sister go through this. At least, that's my understanding of the position.

As for your comment about heart docs not being supportive, I am in a slightly different position. I rarely talk to my PCP, but I am VERY close to my card (well, both, since I have two, but more so with one of them). She is like a friend do me. I almost called her up to tell her about my experience at the DMV, because I knew she would be on my side. She's absolutely great. But, she's also a pediatric cardiologist, so she loves it when she gets one of her "big kids," as she calls us, in the office to talk to. My adult cards have been less personable, for the most part. But recently, my adult card found out I am a theatre teacher, and now simply loves me (I guess) because her mother is an actress, and she was into theatre in undergrad school. She's also lightened up quite a bit since adopting her baby girl from China. Only problem with that is, she is now only in the office on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, so I can no longer just skip out of work early to get to an appt. I have to take a whole day off.

Sorry to ramble so. I'm just SO glad it is the weekend (finally!).

 

[John Cochran]

"County Clerk Mentality"

"County Clerk Mentality"

Hiya Niki!

Years ago I went through a similar event, although it was with a county clerk, not the DMV. I won't go through the gory details, but I learned something really interesting about a certain personality type that seems to be attracted to civil service. I refer to it as "county clerk mentality."

There are certain authoritarian types who just LOVE to interpret laws, rules and procedures as they see fit, without benefit of legal counsel. They simply do it because they can, and the victim is usually in a corner and they know it. The excuse that you were given that "Since 9/11...." is pure B.S., and simply a reason to justify authoritarian beaureaucratic behavior.

You are right to be angry and indignant about it! I have learned that, when faced with such behavior, it often works to simply be very polite but NOT comply. Instead, I've asked for (while writing it all down) the person's name, then asked to see their supervisor NOW. And I don't move...their line is blocked until the supervisor shows up. Big smile and politeness the whole time, but the message hits them pretty quick: They are getting called on their nonsense, and it is about to mess up their whole day. Most often, they back off and give you what you want. The other times they just arrest you (not speaking from personal experience on that last part!)

Let me just throw in that after reading your posts over time, you have been a great role model to many in maintaining a cheerful optimistic attitude in spite of a lot of medical adversity in your life. As Walter said, don't let the turkeys get you down!

--John