Depression after surgery...

[ILoVeNY25]

Hi All,

I've decided to post about this topic, I think it's something we all go through but very little is said about it. The depression and anxieties we all go through after a diagnosis or surgery. I know some of us rely on medication, a therapist and even this site. As I know I do all. I know it's been said that depression is normal after such a life changing event but I'm almost 5 months post-op and feel somewhat worse than when I was say 2-3 months post-op. I know many of you have found peace with your condition through religion. I'm not a very religious person. And I feel myself stuck in this "why stage" as I like to call it. Why me, what did I do to deserve this? I know I did nothing and am a decent human being. And bad things happen to good people as this site represents that. But I sometimes feel that isn't good enough. I often feel I need/want answers to questions that have no answer. I guess this post is just some venting and I would like to know if others feel my burden. Thanks for listening and thanks for always being there!

 

[Nancy]

Hi Nicole-

Depression is very, very common. Sometimes it is lingering. Many people have been helped tremendously with Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft.

You're certainly among friends with your feelings.

 

[hensylee]

Mornin Young'un - don't think it's your thinking causing your depression. Heart surgery patients, for some reason, have depression. Don't know why, but there it is. Takes time to get our heads back to where they used to be. One of the reasons we are here is to support in times like this. So you just vent all you want - as all of us do! God bless, Child

 

[DuchessBear]

Look for these 2 books in your local library:

Coping With Heart Surgery and Bypassing Depression, Carol Cohan MD, June Pimm MD, James Jude

A Patient's Guide to Coronary Bypass Surgery and Its Aftermath, Douglas Ewing

They are primarily aimed at bypass patients, but there's a lot of good stuff for us valvers, too.

 

[ALCapshaw]

Hi Nicole,

Sorry to hear you are 'down in the dumps' about your situation.

I know I used to have a hard time accepting any LOSS and you certainly have suffered some big losses. This may be a good issue to address in therapy.

One technique I used after suffering a financial loss was to put it in perspective by calculating it as percentage of my networth. Once I saw how small it was as a part of the big picture, I was able to move on. I know this doesn't compare with some of your losses.

For personal reasons (health issues being one of them) I chose not to produce offspring. I have no regrets about this decision. It was right for ME. I've absorbed myself in personal interests (hobby and work). My 'kids' all have 4 legs and fur coats.

You come across as a mature and intelligent Yound Lady Nicole. Just 'keep on keepin' on' and I'm sure you will find your way to a happy and successful life.

Best wishes,

'AL'

 

[Gnusgal]

Been There

Been There

Nicole,

I have been right where you are on several occasions. I'm just shy of three months post-op this time around, but I've had a total of 7 heart surgeries thus far (and the list will forever be growing). It is VERY easy to get depressed about my situation. But I've also learned over the years that it's not just the situation that gives us depression. Medication, anesthetics, all the stuff we HAVE to have, can linger in the system months later and cause depression. There was a time several years ago that I had bronchitis that the docs put me on steroids for. Four months AFTER being off the meds I went through a VERY deep depression. We later found out from a doctor that this is not uncommon in people who have had to take these meds. Just a few weeks ago I went into a giant rampage over nothing. I knew at the time that I was being rediculous, but I just couldn't stop myself. Fortunately, my husband didn't take it seriously, and knew it was probably some of the lingering effects from surgery.

I just wanted to let you know that I understand completely. And sometimes you just have to vent all the feelings, then wait until you can slip back into a comfortable zone. By all means, vent like crazy, because building it up can be even worse.

Take care,

 

[Granbonny]

Nicole

Nicole

If it helps, there are probably many of us going thru depression right now and you shouldn't be one of them..Too young and pretty. Didn't I read where you said, My boyfriend??? Is he a steady? Let us noisy friends in on him Little things really get to me now..where they never crossed my mind before..I went in the P.O. right before closing for lunch and got a nasty look from the Postal worker. She had at least 10 min. before closing but was irked that I came in with a box to mail I plan on talking to my PCP when I go to see him after my Cardiologist appointment on Oct. 1 (6 months) Maybe I need some kind of medicine to help me over these little things that bother me. Do you get outside often. I'm out the door at daylight and try to stay outside a lot..Walking, feeding my outdoor goldfish, walking my dog, ect. I'm lucky to have a hubby that helps with housework..so don't have to stay in doors. Please e-mail me anytime you want to chat.. We'll share some gossip. Bonnie (P.S. and some cute jokes)

 

[Kevin M]

Hello. In addition to therepy, I found meditation to help quite a bit. It tends to relax the body and allow your mind to unload or vent out a lot of the crud that builds up. It isn't for everybody, but in light of your comment about your religious beliefs, perhaps it could help.

I too suffer from depression. I have a chemical imbalance in the brain which doesn't allow me to keep up a typical level of ceretonin.

In addition to some very mild medication, I've found that meditation, exercise and just trying really hard have helped a great deal.

Sometimes when things get overwhelming, I think, "Will this matter in five years?" If the answer is no, I find it easier to put the situation in its rightful place, rather than allowing it to drag me down.

It's great that you brought this up here. I think there are many people out there who suffer from depression and have a tough time recognizing it. I know I did.

Upon reading some of the prior posts, I once again recognize how warm the sense of community here in these forums. If you ever get really down, there are so many people here who would be more than happy to listen to the venting of others. Myself included.

We're just an email away if you need us.
Keep your chin up.
Kev

 

[joy]

Hi Nicole, I too suffer from depression. I think that staying at home, feeling "stuck" with two kids, did some of that. There are days when I don't want to get out and do stuff, I couldn't eat, I still have a hard time sleeping, and when I do wake up, I have to make myself get out of bed. I do feel like, "why me?" I had a good job before, we would have been out of debt, Kevin would have been able to get out of the navy, he wouldn't have to leave me for a whole year. I think about that and I cry. I feel so selfish because all those kids who lost their mom or dad on 9/11, will never see their loved one again, and I am worried that Kevin will be gone for a year. I know people always tell us, "just be glad to be alive" Yeah, but some of us lost stuff we love, like you won't be able to have kids, and that would upset me. A lot of times when I am crying, I wish kevin were here to give me a hug.... Oh well. I hope you feel better.

 

[John Cochran]

different kinds of depression

different kinds of depression

I think it is important to differentiate between the different kinds of depression. Almost everyone occassionally has "situational depression" marked by feelings of sadness and despondency brought on by an event, like loss of a loved one, a serious health problem, and so on. We then go through a grieving process that is marked by denial, then anger at the situation, acceptance of what's happened, and then an accomodation into our lives of the new situation. The feelings that go along with this require work to get through. Drugs alone will not eliminate situational depression.

Clinical depression is a whole 'nother animal, although it can be brought on by situational depression. Clinical depression may not be tied to any specific event or situation. It may not even make one feel sad. But, due to chemical imbalances in the brain, one can become lethargic, suffer insomnia, feel disengaged from the world, have feelings of worthlessness, suffer loss of appetite and diminished libido.

The "double whammy" for many of us who have gone through valve replacement is that we get BOTH kinds. Certainly, the situation of major surgery, facing stroke, heart attack and other complications (including possible death) are enough to put any person into situational depression. Now, add a bunch of drugs, major trauma from surgery, the effects of being on a heart/lung machine, and you have a good formula for clinical depression.

The bottom line is, drugs will help with clinical depression, but the situational depression has to be worked through. We need to permit ourselves to grieve for what we've lost, re-calibrate our self-images, deal with the anger caused by "why me" issues and try our darnedest to get our physical health back.

This forum is probably one of the greatest curative forces on the Internet. It has spawned genuine help and assistance to so many people. We have a lot of real angels here! But sometimes more is needed, and I think it is important for folks to seek out appropriate counseling and psychiatric care if symptoms seem to persist.

It is a complex experience we've all endured, and that often dictates a complex solution. We're all in this boat together, and damn it, we are ALL gonna make it!

Best to all,
John

 

[wlaldridge]

Amen, John-

Glad you said that so well,

I started reading this thread(one of the first since I am back) and could not stay at the computer any longer, it tugs at my heart to see the sweet, encouraging post from Nicole and not have any good words to help her as much as she has helped me and my family with her strength, wisdom and warmth.

Nicole anything I say to you seems like silly platitudes. I am still in denial about having to get this surgery and recover and now take warfarin. I can only tell you that you have impacted my life as have some many others at this site. I do not pretend to know how you keep helping and dealing with your problems with such spirit. I do thank God that you do. YOU are an inspiration and a true angel.

Why you, indeed none of us know. As I was whining to the surgeon that the screw ups of lost records, etc, etc, etc had cost me valuable time to prepare for this thing he brought me up short with a simple "Let's just play the cards we have been dealt?" I think I have tried to learn from that. These surgeons are faced with situations every day that would drive them crazy trying to find such "why" answers that are not available and would NOT CHANGE anything if known. You are wonderful, you are here, we want you to keep coming back to us. Sorry I don't have any answers, but I sure love and appreciate you, thanks for being you and help me.

B.

 

[Johnny Stephens]

Poor Me

Poor Me

Hello Nicole, your post is rather timely from my perspective. I don't know that I'm actually depressed, but I seem to have lapsed into a lot of "why me" thoughts and a general lack of drive and ambition. I've even been posting here less than normal.

I'm functional and certainly not deeply depressed, but I think the edge of my admittedly smart-a**ed personality is gone.

I also wonder how much of this is due to my high-dose of beta blockers to keep my heart rate down. To quote Perry, I feel like molasses sometimes.

 

[John Cochran]

an old "why me" joke

an old "why me" joke

Time to lighten this thread up a little. Here is an old "why me" joke that actually WILL answer the question, "Why me?"

A man wakes up one morning and finds that his wife is not in bed. In her place is a note that informs him that she has run off to the Bahamas with his best friend, and won't be back, but her lawyer will be in touch.

Not knowing what else to do, the man gets up to go to work. On the drive to work, his new car gets rear-ended by a big pickup truck. When he gets out to confront the other driver, a huge tattooed skinhead emerges from the pickup. As the man opens his mouth, the other driver just punches him in the nose, gets in his truck and drives off.

As the man is laying there, nose bleeding, car wrecked, his cell phone rings. Kind of stunned, he simply answers it. On the phone is his boss, informing him he doesn't need to come in to work since he's just been laid off.

Across the street, the man sees a church. He gets up and stumbles in to the church and walks up to the alter where he kneels down.

With anger in his eyes, he looks up towards heaven and cries, "WHY ME, GOD?"

A moment later, the heavens seem to open up, and God's booming voice echos throughout the church:
"I don't really know...there is just something about you that really pisses me off."

 

[joy]

That's a good one John! It was funny!

 

[Ross]

My dear Nicole, After everything I just went through I think you should not feel alone. That makes 2 brushes with death for me and well, I think you get the idea. I have much to tell you all when I'm feeling a bit better.

 

[John Cochran]

!!!!!!!!!Ross ONLINE again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!Ross ONLINE again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Rossman!
It is SO wonderful to see your smiling face next to a new post again! As much as we all want to hear your own take on all that has transpired, you just take it easy! There will be plenty of time as you get better. We really missed you, buddy!

Welcome home!
--John

 

[hensylee]

Well, hey there Boss - home and posting the same day! Wow, is it ever good to see you. Take it easy, tho - and don't get all your lines tangled up with computer lines!!!

 

[LeoLillac]

depression after heart surgery

depression after heart surgery

Hey ,nicole ,it's normal after all u have been thru to expierence depression as others have said it's the combination of the med's
the heart surgery and the aniexty of comming close to death .
I had my first surgery when iwas just 2 days old than
4 after that . Mylast surgery ( valve repalcement feb9th2001
the depression hit me like a tone of bricks and lingered
for alomost 6 months . If i t had not been for my great family and friends would not have made it .In time u will feel better .
Good luck if u ever want to talk justr e mail Dara

 

[Jennie]

Nicole, girlfriend:

You've been dealing with serious stuff. Step back and take a look and see where you are. You had MAJOR surgery, more than what most folks on this site have dealt with, with your two/three valves. You had your surgery the day after mine, and I believe you STILL haven't gone back to work, right? You're adjusting to Coumadin. You had another hospital jaunt for the wire removal. You're dealing with the very real likelihood of not having children. You've got a nasty scar when all your friends are wearing cute little tops. You're at an age where most people are depressed anyway, with all the changes and the unknowns and the big decisions and dealing with maybe not-ideal family situations. Plus, as was mentioned, the majority of people who've been through cardiac surgery have the depression that comes along with that, and also the meds.

How you are dealing with this all, at your age - not that you are immature, but just maybe haven't been through as many "major bumps" as some of the rest of us - I just don't know. I know I have felt the Big Clock ticking for years - the impending surgery and the possibility of no children if they didn't come along soon. Thankfully I got a second chance at that with my homograft. And I am on the Happy Pills myself and feeling quite cheerful for the first time in years. But you, try to cut yourself some slack. Give yourself some time. You're still in the midst of all this, it's not behind you yet. You've got a pretty nasty "Lot In Life" with some big "Forces of Opposition" (as I like to refer to this all!) and it's no wonder that you feel so down.

I do believe it will get better for you, though. It may take a long time, you may not think it will ever end, but life is full of twists and turns and surprises. I trully believe that God has a plan for everyone, he has everything laid out for you, and it's for your good, despite what it may look like now. You will come out of this a stronger, more confident person, and even more sweet than you already are, in that you can relate even more to others who are facing difficulties and loss. Regarding the "Why Me?" - I did that for YEARS, with respect to my health and other matters in my life. Don't let it get to you, don't let it turn to bitterness. For me, the only way I was able to end that was to say, do I believe God is who he says he is, do I believe he has a REASON for all this, do I believe I can TRUST him? It was basically a matter of faith.

Hang in there, babe!! I am thinking of you, you are not alone. Give me a PM if you want to yak or anything.

-Jennie

(ps I've been thinking of you - I have a couple wires sticking me now, too - my doc says I can get them removed if I want.... )

 

[joy]

I always say, at least I am alive. I look at it as I got a second chance at life. I live now instead of sitting around asking "why me?" I did that, and decided it was a waste of time. My husband is gone, I COULD be depressed, I was depressed, but what would that accomplish. I have GROWN up since I got married at 20, and had my first kid. I spend my days with the kids and hang out with them. I am anxiously waiting for Kevin to come home in a couple of weeks. I got over myself, and went on with my life.