Defection

[Lily]

This is the site that was there when I needed it

This is the site that was there when I needed it

I clearly recall the great sense of relief I felt when I finally, after months of web research, stumbled across Hank's site. The information and experiences we found helped my husband and I think things through, after we'd gotten some very bad medical advice from an irresponsibly dangerous cardiologist. And the reason I'm still here after seven years (well, I was gone for a year but then came back) was to share some mutual support and encouragement with others who were as bewildered as I was seven years ago.

This is the site that was there when I needed it. Thank you Hank!

This thread brings to mind so many analogies, doesn't it? I keep biting my tongue but it's not working. (Though I've been baking miniature cheesecakes all afternoon so that might have something to do with it.)

Anyway, I'm sure there are a lot of nice people on both sites. But some of you might be surprised at the hurtful things a few of your friends over there evidently wrote and publically posted -- for months -- about several of your friends over here (and that they may have written about you) though most of the trash-talk is evidently hidden away now. As I said before, I saw enough.

And regarding eating at various restaurants, wash the windows and paint over the obscenities on the bathroom walls, but the kitchen may still have roaches :rolleyes2:

With that happy thought, I'm off to have a delicious steak dinner with a bunch of friends. And I hope the restaurant has an "A" in the window :biggrin2:

 

[Harrybaby666]

Lily,
I was very surprised at what Christina had said about me when she did, and truthfully, I can't control other people's lips to keep them from doing these things....I was angry with Christina, but I didn't publicly make any remarks directly too her nor did I say anything negative about her...I figured that it was simply between her and I and no one else...thus preventing the kinds of stuff that is now going on here and now. I simply put her on my ignore list and wouldn't respond to her.....isn't this something that we should all practice instead of openly fighting on the forum? In my humble opinion, by placing those on the ignore list, one does not continually get upset by anything the other person says or might say....I am wondering if people have forgotten that the ignore feature is something that prevents thse kinds of amplified arguements..... I don't like to see yall fighting like this and I sincerely hope you can all patch things up....I know people have been hurt, but its never too late to heal the wounds.....life is way to short to hold grudges....

 

[Jkm7]

Somehow my private message invitation must have gotten lost.

A member here shared Hank's message with me as I never got that nor has anyone tried to recruit me 'there'.
Guess I'm not 'feeling the love'.

 

[Eva]

............life is way to short to hold grudges....

So true and so wise...I can never imagine spending one second being upset or angry! Life is too short!

 

[ottagal]

I clearly recall the great sense of relief I felt when I finally, after months of web research, stumbled across Hank's site. The information and experiences we found helped my husband and I think things through, after we'd gotten some very bad medical advice from an irresponsibly dangerous cardiologist. And the reason I'm still here after seven years (well, I was gone for a year but then came back) was to share some mutual support and encouragement with others who were as bewildered as I was seven years ago.

This is the site that was there when I needed it. Thank you Hank!

Lily,
This is very similiar to how I felt! I was VERY thankful to find this site which helped ease my worries as well as gain invaluable knowledge on my condition. It was so comforting to finally find a group of individuals who could truly relate to what I was going through. The wonderful members of this site helped me enormously while I was in the 1.5 year waiting room leading up to my AVR and post surgery.

I am very grateful to Hank for having the foresight and vision to 'pioneer' this wonderful forum. It truly was and continues to be a Godsend.
P.S. From Hank's email encouraging us to check out the other site, I did.

 

[Cris N]

I dipped my feet in the waters over there - signed up too - and, while I was delighted to encounter some very familiar faces, I soon realized that the atmosphere was not to my liking. One of the apparent founders even referred to it as 'our club'. I asked for my membership to be removed. This is 'home' for me. Thanks Hank.

Harrybaby - I know you feel bad about the whole Christina situation... I suspect she knows how you feel. Consider it over and done with. Your talking about it probably means more than if you and she had patched things up. Your openness serves as a good reminder to all of us.

 

[Kathy McCain]

Yes, I'm with Superbob. You'll see my posts on the other site too. I will not forget my VR friends though EVER!! I have no intention of leaving. I've made too many dear friends.

 

[Lionheart]

I've tried to avoid this discussion each time it arises but it keeps coming up. I'm with 'Lily' on this one. I found my home right here and have been comforted over the past 3 years by the knowledge, fun, and personalities of many members who I came to know by lurking, participating and PMing. Some of those people were not satisfied and left. That is their right and their choice. Me? I prefer to stay right here and look ahead and enjoy the remaining company. This is home.

I prefer vr.com as a place that allows me to learn from others and maybe pay that back by sharing what I can. I prefer a site (like this one) where personalities can be exposed and people can be different but at the same time I think a useful site should seek similarities and not highlight our differences. We share something in common. I don't need arguments regarding my religious views or political leanings. Those discussions are for other sites. Here at VR.com I seek help regarding my heart issues and hope to provide help when possible. I think this site does this balancing act pretty darn well and I for one am very satisfied with how it is and how it has been managed by Hank. Can we please not beat this dead horse too much and just move on?

My best to you all (here or there)
John

PS> You can send those little cheesecakes to me anytime.

 

[gadgetman]

When I first started this heart journey with the “WHY ME” attitude I found two sites that were a tremendous comfort and help during those scary times.

I first had an AICD implanted before OHS. I found a site devoted to that device and it helped ease my fears and provided my first exposure that many had walked these shoes before and, although some didn’t come thru unscathed, many were the better for it.

So too with my first exposure to ValveReplacement.com. I was warmly welcomed, told to pull up a chair, pour myself a cup of coffee and “smoke them if I got ‘em”. Well, not the latter as we had many a thread on smoking/not smoking, drinking/not drinking, and other vices too numerous to mention. Feelings would get hurt but we all seemed to get thru them together.

Now back to the AICD site. It is but a memory of the site it was when I first joined. I peek in every once in a while but not often. As some of you with these transistor radios stuck in your shoulder are aware, there were several pending and continuing recalls on different brands. Hank’s counterpart at that site had shouldered most of the expense, along with some volunteer donations, of keeping the site up but finally took on a couple of company ads to help support the site. Some members thought he had sold his heart (or AICD in this case) to the Devil because the site appeared to be endorsing a particular brand. Things got very heated at times and eventually several long time members took their basketball and headed elsewhere. Every once in a while the “us against them” thread would start and old and bitter wounds would be opened all over again, only to eventually die down again.

I’ve also been thru several ups and downs with the family here. As fellow Georgians, my dear Bonnie started referring to me as BUBBA and a very Southern stereotype popped up here every once in a while. Amazingly he had the same sick sense of humor as I sometimes suffer from and it seemed to hit some folks here the wrong way. Just like poor old Uncle Harry, I got my feelings hurt a few times but I bounced back. The last couple of years I’ve not posted as much as I used to. I could log on and post at work but Big Brother got wise and blocked access. When the wife and I have to battle for “land line” hook-up time in the evening (THANK GOD FOR THE VERIZON STICK), it made it more and more difficult to get computer time.

At Hank’s urging (HE posted the link PEOPLE) I peeked in on “THE OTHER SITE” and saw a lot of familiar names and faces. And, guess what, Big Brother hadn’t found it yet!!!!! (SSSSSSSSH!!!!) So I joined what some here apparently still consider the “DARK SIDE”.

For me, I think I can balance my allegiance between both worlds. Both sites promote helping those new folks facing these unknown waters with compassion, recommendations, opinion (non-medical of course—but some very passionate), a shoulder to cry on, a joke to laugh at and just a place to hang out while getting thru this Open Heart Surgery thing.

The only problem I can see is I now have TWO potential Valve Replacement REUNIONS to worry about. Hey, how ‘bout we bring the family back together with a joint reunion sometime. :eek2::cool2::wink2::biggrin2: Just a thought.

Now y’all behave out there, you hear,

May God Bless,

Danny :smile2:

 

[Nancy]

Both sites are good, no reason to abandon either. Join both and take whatever the particular site has to offer at any given time. I learned in college in one of my courses that if you build a restaurant where no other restaurants exist, you may do OK. But if you build a restaurant where several others are, you will do much better. It then becomes a "restaurant zone" and will attract many more people. That works for just about anything.

 

[Wise]

The only person who invited me to join hvp.org is Hank.

 

[DebbyA]

When I saw this thread, I'd been thinking about posting an "I'm still here..." in Small Talk. I don't post as often as I used to, but try to when I find threads I feel I can contribute to.

I'm still grateful for this site.

 

[cp172]

I do a lot of lurking as I suspect others do. Many of us are here just sorta listening in to the various conversations. You may not see many posts from me. I just hope my prayers make a difference.

 

[Wise]

Oh Harry, how awful for you. I am so sorry.

I totally agree. Harry should never have been treated that way. I don't care who the member was.

 

[BarbJean]

I,too, have been lurking more than posting lately. I also joined the other site when Hank sent me the message about it. I have barely used that site at all, but have no problems with it. I just feel more comfortable here. I have not been on here very long, but this forum helped me tremendously through my son's surgery. Don't know what I would have done without it. Things have been going so well with his recuperation that I have not been on it as much as I used to be. Just like support groups, there are times in your life when you need them more than others. Sometimes, I am reluctant to post since I, myself, have not really experienced heart surgery and can only comment on what it is like to have a loved one go through it. I still love it here and plan to stay.

 

[Missy]

I am here, as I said before, I know where my home is! I haven't posted much as I have just been busy but have been on the site every day. I visit the other site occasionally. But I always check this one out first.

 

[Marguerite53]

You know, it does seem quieter here. I think it's because Ross isn't here. He posted a lot!!!!!! He kept things going. I know when I was more active (that is... when I had more time to be on the computer) I would often watch a thread that might be going slowly and respond when it was likely that more people were on so that the poor scared newbie could get the benefit of more answers. Heaven knows, Ross did this all the time.

I received the message from Hank. I have my email available for any VR announcements. Those of you who did not get the note from Hank might want to be sure your email is correct and your little box is checked (or whatever) so that you will get announcements.

I joined the other group, but honestly, partly just to scold Ross for not saying good-bye!! I know, that was mean, I guess. Well! I thought it was odd. Anyway, I hadn't been following any of the bru-ha-ha because that crap just never interests me. I also joined the other group because there are many over there who were instrumental in helping me maintain my sanity while I waited 3 years to have my surgery. I care about them. I wanted to sign up so that they knew I was still available for them for support. As it turns out, I'm just not finding the time to go over there. This is my home; I know (especially after having read through some of the "small talk" type threads over there) that I will always be more comfortable here on VR. It's funny how there have been so many remarks about different restaurants. I know I've written this in other threads here, but VR is like "Cheers" for me ..... "some times you want to go where everybody knows your name.... and they're always glad you came".

And something else...... I totally agree that Hank seems to be the kind of person who takes the high road. And, for all that has changed here, for some reason, for me ....... I feel like the neighborhood got safer. I feel like I can walk the streets and not run into something utterly distasteful or emotionally frightening or offensive. Really.

Yep. I'm certainly sticking around.

:smile2: Marguerite

 

[ALCapshaw2]

You know, it does seem quieter here. I think it's because Ross isn't here. He posted a lot!!!!!! He kept things going. I know when I was more active (that is... when I had more time to be on the computer) I would often watch a thread that might be going slowly and respond when it was likely that more people were on so that the poor scared newbie could get the benefit of more answers. Heaven knows, Ross did this all the time.

SNIP

Yep. I'm certainly sticking around.

Marguerite

AMEN !

Ross WAS the "Face of VR.com / VR.org". He gave this website "personality". I miss him.

I've read enough of his posts to know his history and 'where he was coming from'
which allowed me to put some of his 'stronger reactions / comments' in perspective.
Ross faced and survived greater 'challenges' than almost anyone here.
He was an inspiration. I wish him well.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[Dennis S]

Thanks Marguerite.

Thanks Marguerite.

Very well said. I think a section like "small talk", or something like it is important to a forum like this one. If a forum were strictly limited to questions and answers about heart valves, you might lose the broader sense of community that makes this an interesting place to come back to year after year.

Having said that, it is also important to remember how it first felt for so many of us to hear that open heart surgery was in our future. I don't remember the exact words of my first post on this forum, but they were along these lines..."All of a sudden it seems like all of my thoughts revolve around my heart valve, and I hate it that this is true". I had never expected to write a sentence like that, or have those feelings. I know I had never felt so fragile. Fragile because of my heart, and fragile because of what those feelings had done to my self image. This was a warm and inviting place---and it was good for me that it was warm and inviting from top to bottom.

I think Hank has a winning formula here---It is the place I would bring anyone who found themselves in circumstances similar to those that applied to me 5 years ago. Like everyone, I have a mix of traits, some good, some bad. But when I think back to five years ago, it is easy for me to remember and appreciate what Hank had waiting on the Internet for guys like me. And I hope it stays here for a good long time.

 

[Rich]

To all,
Regardless of what led to this, I feel it is just one more place to offer help to people, and that hopefully is why we are here.
Many don't know that a lot of years ago I met a few of our members on a Canadien heart site. Then a few years later we all joined a small e-mail group to do the same thing. All of this happened long before Hank started this site.
So lets concentrate on why we join any site like this.
TO HELP PEOPLE................PERIOD !!!!
Rich