Change in sense of humor since surgery

[distances]

Has anyone noticed a change in their sense of humor after surgery? Since mitral valve repair 3 years ago and, I seem to have pretty much lost my sense of humor. Not that I don't still enjoy a good joke, but I just seem to be a noticeably much more serious person now. This may sound odd, but I'm still waiting for my sense of humor to return.

 

[debster913]

Same here. I don't know if it's psychological, but I had my mitral valve repaired almost two months ago, and I'm not as jovial as I once was. Before surgery I was a naturally silly person, but now I'm more serious. I think it's because I still have that fear in the back of my mind. I've also been dealing with some dental issues, and not only am I dealing with sore teeth on a daily basis, I'm hoping that nothing more serious comes of this as I know it's a risky time to need dental work. I've already seen the dentist, and he says I have sensitivity due to receeding gums and grinding. I'm now using a mouthguard at night, a flouride treatment and brushing with toothpaste for sensitive teeth. Hoping these solve the problem.

As a teacher, I'm off for the summer and I'm very much looking forward to going back to work...maybe that will give me some "normalcy" and I can feel like myself again. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I had surgery considering the alternative. But I do think post-surgery, (and I'm still fresh out of it, too) we are glad to be alive, glad for the opportunity given to us to start fresh, so to speak; and yet, we might be a little more serious because we've been through something this serious. I hope that makes sense.

As people have told me, I'm trying to focus on the positive and just the sheer fact that I survived heart surgery. I've been blessed with this "second shot at life" and I try to find the humor in things that once made me happy.Before surgery, my husband and I tried to keep things light in the face of surgery--he'd call me "Regurgitation Girl" and make fun of my valve, and I'd laugh and crack jokes about it too, because it took the pressure off the seriousness of the situation. Now, I can't bring myself to joke about my "new" valve, because surgery was indeed serious, but I just try to revel in the fact that I'm fixed. Keep reminding yourself that you are a survivor. You've gone three years with this repair, and you'll go many more.

Take care, and try to find more humor in life.
Debi (debster913)

 

[Ross]

Staring into the face of death and coming back has a way of doing things to people. Don't worry, you can still take things seriously, but allow yourself time for silliness too. It is good for you to laugh, be crazy, and not be too serious about all things.

 

[rbl1999]

I have also become a much more serious person since my AVR, I am working on it and trying not to be so serious all the time!!!! Rose

 

[Ross]

I have also become a much more serious person since my AVR, I am working on it and trying not to be so serious all the time!!!! Rose

How can any of you be serious when I'm around?

 

[hensylee]

maybe some depression rolling around in there somewhere? Do work on getting your humor back. Laughter is good for the soul, the mind, the body. I love to laugh and be silly - like Ross. Course, after heart surgery, you know you have faced the pearly gates and come back. It gives you, and should, a new appreciation of everything about your life. We have discussed this often here in VR.

 

[Karlynn]

I've found I'm just the opposite, and I'm not saying that that is necessarily better. I find that I don't want to take life so seriously. My view point has changed to the thought that there really aren't many big things in life to get upset about because it beats being on the other side of the turf. This can be annoying to my husband when I tell him not to stress over this or that because life could always be worse.

Maybe my viewpoint comes from the fact that life was a whole lot worse prior to my surgery.

Either way, too serious, or not serious enough, I think looking at a physical issue that can be life threatening, is also life changing.

 

[Emma]

I don't think I became more serious (in fact I think I went quite the other way! lol) but I certainly have a different outlook on life to that which I had before CHD and I do feel a lost a lot of sympathy for people who moan and whine about problems such as their child having a cold or more basic things like broken household appliances and broken nails! Don't get me wrong - I think it's all relative and whatever is worrying you in your life at that time is going to be the worst thing possible to you - I moan about things like that myself but I do have the ability now to put those things in perspective and not let them overwhelm me or let myself moan to other people about them.

I know from my own experiences with Chloe and the CHD world, that something far worse IS happening to someone somewhere in the world and my problems are nothing in comparison.

I think another thing that changed about me after surgery experiences, no, scratch that, it was after having giving birth, was 'fear'.
I am quite a laid back person - always was, still am - my mum describes me as 'practically horizontal', but I used to have a sort of fearless nature too and went through life not really being scared of the future or what was to come. Not doing a very good job here - I don't know how to describe it properly?

Hmmm... I'm sure every parent will tell you the same thing and I don't know if this multiplies through heart surgeries or not cos I have those experiences with me forever now and cannot compare otherwise.
I have fears - not all consuming or constantly with me, but fears all the same that haunt me from time to time. Fears of not being able to help them grow into well rounded adults, fears of them going out as teenagers without me and what can happen then, fears for their happiness, for their happy childhoods, of us dying young and not being there for them, or much much worse, the fear of them dying and me wanting to!

My God to listen to me, you'd think I was depressed which couldn't be further from the truth right now! I am pretty sure all parents have these thoughts and fears for their children at some point. Perhaps mine are brought to the surface more at times by some of the things I read about, see and have experienced in our world of chd.
These fears, although felt, are more often that not channelled into something else. That something quite often being humour, thankfulness and positivity. People at work comment on how I have a calm teaching style, how they rarely see me get 'flappy' when things go wrong, or loose my temper or without a smile and I think all thats a direct result of my fears of the more important things in life.

You simply cannot go through some experiences and not be changed by them in some way, whether you realise it or not.

Sorry to ramble - obviously far too much time on my hands today!

 

[twinmaker]

I'm another one who doesn't take life quite so seriously since my surgeries. I think time has something to do with it also. I was always pretty fun loving before I found out that I had a heart problem. Of course, I was only 21 when I found out. But as time as gone on, there have been those ups and downs with different surgeries, problems, and procedures, and meds. I guess I figured if I didn't laugh about stuff, then I'd cry about it. I still have my moments and my low dose of effexor helps but I do try to find the funny side of things. I guess you could say Ross is my hero! LINDA

 

[Mary]

I think I'm wackier than ever.
Like Karlynn, stuff that use to bother me seems meaningless now.
When faced with a choice of getting upset or seeing the humor in a situation, I go for the humor!
And I laugh at myself ALOT!

 

[Superbob]

I agree! Mary just gets wackier and wackier.

Seriously (sort of), if you stick around this forum much, it will be therapeutic -- it will help you regain your sense of humor.

 

[Mary]

I agree! Mary just gets wackier and wackier.

Seriously (sort of), if you stick around this forum much, it will be therapeutic -- it will help you regain your sense of humor.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

*except when the Cardinals are losing*

 

[Christina L]

I am much more serious -

I am much more serious -

if that is possible!

Wayne has told me I am not the same person as I once was. It is not just the surgery that did it - my Dad dying, my Mom dying, my dear Grandmother dying, my uncle - life just gets to ya.

I know I heard that Goldie Hawn wants to do a study to see where our joy goes as we age. What?? Doesn't she know why? I think that is kind of a weird thing to want to know - it is pretty obvious where our joy goes.

A person has to try to keep a sense of humor through adversity, but it is certainly not "heartfelt" (so to speak) and doesn't come easy.

When I was much younger, I always wondered why older people walked around looking so unhappy - now I know why. NOT that I am unhappy - I am just saying that it is harder to be joyous and fun-loving after all I have been through.

Christina L

 

[Mary]

if that is possible!

Wayne has told me I am not the same person as I once was. It is not just the surgery that did it - my Dad dying, my Mom dying, my dear Grandmother dying, my uncle - life just gets to ya.

I know I heard that Goldie Hawn wants to do a study to see where our joy goes as we age. What?? Doesn't she know why? I think that is kind of a weird thing to want to know - it is pretty obvious where our joy goes.

A person has to try to keep a sense of humor through adversity, but it is certainly not "heartfelt" (so to speak) and doesn't come easy.

When I was much younger, I always wondered why older people walked around looking so unhappy - now I know why. NOT that I am unhappy - I am just saying that it is harder to be joyous and fun-loving after all I have been through.

Christina L

Christina,
When you hold your baby daughter in your arms, I think your sense of joy will be rekindled.

 

[Karlynn]

Christina,
When you hold your baby daughter in your arms, I think your sense of joy will be rekindled.

And when she's a sassy teenager, a wicked sense of humor will overcome you. It has to because teenagers, even the good ones, have a way of making you insane.

 

[MadMac]

Fortunately, my sense of humor has stayed intact since the surgery. I have always been a fun loving person with a really positive outlook on life. The mitral valve replacement hasn't changed that as far as my wife or I can tell. However, my temper has changed. I let things go now that I would taken exception to, so to speak, prior to the surgery. Most things are not worth the aggravation that I used to place on them before. I feel more in balance now.

 

[RCB]

HVR is like any other trauma

HVR is like any other trauma

It affects people in different ways- there is no one right way to act after HVR. Some people(IMHO the lucky one) get over a death in the family or a pet
much easier than others. Even when people break up a relationship, some move on with no problem, some brood about it a long time. I was always the class clown before my many surgeries and some though I could be another Steve Martin- now, see my avatar.

As Mr. Gump used to say "life is like..............."

 

[Nancy]

Having been through so much together with all of Joe's problems, we have developed a warped sense of humor. I swear it's the one thing we can count on and has gotten us through some pretty terrible stuff. Without that, I don't know where we'd be.

If we weren't laughing, we'd be crying. It takes the pall off of everything. But believe me when I say that when seriousness is warranted, it's right there in the background.

 

[Cooker]

Yep, mine still works

 

[Marguerite53]

In response to the very first comment.....I do not think it is right that you are waiting for your sense of humor to return. I think you should seek some professional advice on that. Particularly since you seem to want it back!! I think Ann may be right.

As for me, I laugh much louder now. And I brush off the petty stuff much faster. Who wants to waste their time worrying about junk? Not me!

Quite honestly, I think it is a choice. I choose to see the "glass as half full". I can't imagine it any other way. I live in a beautiful place.....it is easy to breathe in the beauty and stay joyous. It would be harder in other places, for me. I need green stuff and clean air. But you can choose to find joy, laughter and beauty in anything. You can choose. Sometimes I think our lives have become so complicated that we can no longer see the simple things around us that are right there.....waiting to be appreciated....waiting for a smile, or a laugh. Breathing helps. Stop and breathe and look around. It's really quite grand out there!

If you cannot choose, then it is quite possible that there should be some intervention, some chemical imbalance or the like may be going on.

This is an interesting thread.

Marguerite