Can?t We Just All Get Along??????

[gadgetman]

Deep Breath

I start this new thread (here in ?SMALL TALK?) to ?type? my opinion on recent discussions dealing with subject matter/not subject matter.

Wow!!! Are we trying to get too clinical here? I have ?typed? answers to ?off topic? threads before and voiced my ?opinion? (just like A**Holes?everybody?s got ONE) on the need for some restraint but not censorship. I am guilty (as are others) of getting ?off topic? on a thread, much to the dismay of some. However, I served 26+ years in the military helping to defend ALL Americans (and other countries right?as a tip of the hat to our ?out of State? members) to say whatever they want, whether I agree with it or not. Of course, you can?t yell ?FIRE? in a crowded theater unless there really is one, but freedom is the cornerstone of most of our countries. I know, respect and understand that VR.com was founded and is maintained for a specific reason and monitors (Hank & Ross?to name a few) must exist to keep order. They normally do this in the background without us even knowing they are there?except when they removed the LOCATIONS?three wet noodles. There are some out there that need to be smitten from time to time. By its nature, the internet is open to both good and bad. That occasional hacker will ?join?, post some questionable thread, and then disappear. As a member of several other forums (ranging from ZAPPERs for my ICD, TRACTORS and OUTDOOR LIVING for my living in the country interest, to several game sites dealing with computer games I play (much to my Wife?s dismay), I see these sites go ?off subject? to items usually discussed around the ?water cooler?. For those who no longer work or are recovering from their surgery, these sites sometimes turn out to be our ?water cooler?.

I have been surprised by the ?fuddy duddies? that want to place specific limits on what our family can discuss here and/or limit our responses to brief ?subject matter? only. Unfortunately, I (like Ross) handle most challenges in my life with a strong sense of humor. It comes through some (not all) of my ?typings? here and at other sites. As Barry (I think) said, ?typing? does not lend itself to sarcastic humor because the tongue in cheek (another smilie Ross?) sometimes doesn?t come across. And Barry (not picking on you?yes I am) is one of those guys that enjoys walking (in this case "typing") into a group, bringing up some controversial topic, then sitting back and watching the reaction. My God, there have been almost 160 postings to the Terri thread!!!! Each of us here has life experiences and wisdom to share with others. It may be Drugs (both legal and illegal, been there, done that with one or the other?or both) or Guns. It may be Heart related. It may be related to other Hospital experiences or trials. It may be opinions about NDE, weird dreams or experiences, memory loss, Doctors and Surgeons, new members to our family (either person or pet), recent losses to our family (either person or pet), bad food experiences, or others that I have read (and mostly enjoyed) here since my short stay. I look at this site as our ?dinner table? where we can sit down and discuss our fears, loves, and experiences with others who have taken (or will take) a Heart Related Walk. I have cried, laughed out loud, and said ?you?ve got to be kidding me? on a lot of threads here. We all have a lot to share. Let us continue to allow sharing, without judging.

Must now sign off and go do my physical therapy. Enjoy.

May God Bless this Site, our Monitors, and All Its Members,

Danny

 

[tommy]

I look at this site as our ?dinner table? where we can sit down and discuss our fears, loves, and experiences with others who have taken (or will take) a Heart Related Walk.

I like the dinner table metaphor.
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...one of those guys that enjoys walking (in this case "typing") into a group, bringing up some controversial topic, then sitting back and watching the reaction.

I don't like my family members dropping these "grenades" at the dinner table. (I know, Danny, lousy metaphor - you know what real greandes are )
--------------------------------------------

?typing? does not lend itself to sarcastic humor because the tongue in cheek (another smilie Ross?) sometimes doesn?t come across.

Good point. It re-enforces my desire to avoid arguing about topics that are off the mission of the forum.

Danny,
Thank you for your military service.

 

[geebee]

I have mixed feelings about what should and should not be discussed but I am one who is against censorship.

However, I realize this site is dedicated to people who have had or are facing valve related surgeries (or their loved ones). Obviously that should be the focal point.

That being said, I think it is just as important for newbies to see that we have lives, thoughts, opinions, etc. AFTER OHS. Even if some of our thoughts get scattered for awhile after surgery , our minds don't get destroyed or our lives don't halt because of our medical situations.

I think that is why dialogues outside the valve topic are important. Also, because some of them do get lively - not that I have anything to do with that

 

[Wise]

I am also solidly against censorship. However, if this forum had been in this state at the time I first was referred to it, I believe I would have been turned off and missed out on the vital information it provides and the wonderful people involved. Just my thoughts.

 

[Ross]

And this folks, is the reason why I'm around and whether censoring is approved of you or not, will take place if necessary. All it takes is one person to come in and stir the pot. Get everyone fired up so to speak. Get them going at each others throats and then sit back and watch the destruction of a forum. For some, this is a game they play all over the web. I've seen it many times before and I'm usually the first one to start hitting the siren about it. Professional Trolling and it's darn effective if people let it be.

I would have to say that this should serve as a warning to the pot stirrers, that should this continue, you will be handed your hat and shown the door!

Have I made myself clear on this one?

 

[BionicRedneck]

And this folks, is the reason why I'm around and whether censoring is approved of you or not, will take place if necessary. All it takes is one person to come in and stir the pot. Get everyone fired up so to speak. Get them going at each others throats and then sit back and watch the destruction of a forum. For some, this is a game they play all over the web. I've seen it many times before and I'm usually the first one to start hitting the siren about it. Professional Trolling and it's darn effective if people let it be.

I would have to say that this should serve as a warning to the pot stirers, that should this continue, you will be handed your hat and shown the door!

Have I made myself clear on this one?

And That's the Bottom Line, Cause Ross, Said So.

I am a noob who now has a place on the internet, a home so to speak. I dont want to be from a dysfunctional home. I have really enjoyed coming here and reading everything. It is nice to have a place to go and vent to people who know exactly when you are talkinga bout. A open ear is nice, but an experienced open ear is better. Up until I came here I often wondered if I would ever meet anyone who had the same type of problem I did. Out of the 36 Million people in the US I am sure there are alot more pple who have healthy hearts. Plust talking about your angina surgery or telling someone what it was like when they removed the tubes urine catherther included aint just a topic you put on a sign and walk the streets with.

But a fight here and there aint too bad, seing someones feathers get rubbed the wrong way sometimes can make ppl laugh and make their crappy day not as crappy.

 

[tobagotwo]

I believe Wise Smith has hit on the crux of it. What follows are my thoughts, and they aren't aimed at anyone, so no one should take them personally.

The ValveReplacement.com website performs a service of information and comfort to people who have reached a critical and ofttimes terrifying turn in their lives. We all know what it is to feel alone in this desperate situation, even when surrounded by people who love us. We have all had an opportunity to access the distilled knowledge pool that has gathered here, and it has helped us to make sense of what has befallen us and to cope with the next steps we had to take.

It is not my call to make, but I believe that the site is intended to be just what it is: a focussed vehicle for people who have had or are going to need valve replacement or repair surgery, their significant others, and a few kindred spirits with compatible heart-related problems or pertinent knowledge.

As such, it wouldn't be intended as a forum for all things for all people. The Small Talk forum would be a convenience for members to maintain their relationships with each other. Those relationships help foster the collaborative spirit that so enhances the value of this site to its constituents and newcomers.

The site declares its limited venue up front, so it's not holding out on promises of free speech. It holds no control over access to the internet, nor does it seek to impinge anyone's abilities to pursue their expression anywhere else on the web. The fact that pornography sales pitches still float into my email spam folder tells me that free speech on the web is still very much alive and...hmm, very much alive, anyway.

A Bible study site would have no problems asking members to stick to the general topic, rather than providing them a forum to discuss the value of Renoir's work over Picasso's, or the relative joys of robbing liquor stores for quick cash on weekends. An automotive site would not long suffer a debate over people's real feelings about foot fetishisms or sex with animals - even if it were being done in the back seats of cars.

Why not? Because web search engines will drag in foot fetishists and liquor store bandits instead of Bible enthusiasts and auto fans, based on the contents of the posts. They might stay on the site, posting about their personal joys until they have driven most of the original site members away. So, what value is presented by a marginal topic can be severely mitigated by the damage it can do to the structure as a whole. Thus, almost every site on the web has monitors.

Their actions don't violate anyone's legal rights to free speech, because other venues in the same medium (the Web) still abound for every topic imaginable.

If you've had surgery, please think of those who are to follow. They seek stability, support, and information for the trial they are about to endure. This site is incredibly special, and it would be sad to think that anyone would skip by it and miss its value due to a squabble over topics that are largely unrelated to VR. There's an ocean of solidly heart-related subject matter here to research, share, discuss - and squabble about - with each other on this site, both for the benefit of ourselves and those who will come after.

Best wishes,

 

[joy]

Hey guys, how are you doing? I am glad that this thread was started. I must say that I love this site...there are so many great people here that answer my questions(whether they are about valvereplacements or not), and offer comfort and support to me when I need it. That is the great thing about this place. I cannot say I have never been a wild part of a debate, but I just have to say, I usually don't look for the controversial threads. This place is the first place I heard about Terri Schiavo. Ok, I am a little out of the news loop, but that's the whole reasoning for it. Anyhow, I must thank you Hank, and Ross for starting this site(and monitering it) and helping keep us a family.

 

[Ross]

I just want it clearly understood that I will, by any means necessary, look out for this sites interests. I would not be doing my job if I did otherwise. You must also realize that in the course of doing so, I may not be popular with some of the things I do, but if you've been here awhile, you know what is and is not acceptable, so it should not be a problem for you in the first place. If it is a problem for you, perhaps it's time you start your own forum where you can say whatever and whenever and let it go the way YOU want it too. The site has outgrown the everything is acceptable thing, that is why Hank changed what the small talk forum is about. That doesn't mean that everything becomes dead serious and no one can have fun, but as Tobagotwo said, it's more for sharing and bonding, not for disassembly and dismemberment. When debates become attacks, regardless of how high stress the thread subject is or suddenly provocative subjects are machine gun posted, it's time to really rethink a few things or eliminate a few problems.

 

[bvdr]

Thank-you, Ross, and I appreciate your efforts. Too many years and tears have been invested into developing this site to let it get messed up now.

 

[Karlynn]

I was thinking that it's about time for a new member to wander in and ask a sex question. That always gets us laughing and thinking together.

 

[Marguerite53]

Thank you, Ross.

Thank you, Ross.

I agree with the sentiments of Wise and Bob (tobagotwo) and Ross. This site is very important to me because it is where I have learned the most about my condition. It is where I know I can come for support. It is where, when my time comes, I will get the most understanding.

I also enjoy the lighthearted moments and learning about people's personalities and habits.

This site is about success. About beating the odds. About carrying on. There are lots of other places for hot debate and current events and controversies. I think keeping VR.com focused is a good thing.

Just my two cents! Marguerite

 

[joy]

I have a question, is it just the controversial stuff, I mean, can we post the things that are going on in our personal lives? I mean this site has been supportive of stuff that isn't nessesarily heart related for me as well. I was just wondering.

Joy

 

[Ross]

I have a question, is it just the controversial stuff, I mean, can we post the things that are going on in our personal lives? I mean this site has been supportive of stuff that isn't nessesarily heart related for me as well. I was just wondering.

Joy

Joy I don't intend to stop seeing things like this and I'm sure Hank doesn't either. No, it's not going to be strictly it's heart related in here in small talk. In fact, very little will change. We just don't want to see the current trend continuing any further. for those wondering, I've gotten a ton of complaints over the last 3 days. I'm sure Hank has had his share also. Feelings have been hurt, people are mad at one another, and the list goes on. Time to put a stop to this nonsense. The pot stirrers can only work their magic if you allow them to do so. By getting bent out of shape at one another, your only fulfulling the pot stirrers dreams. The goal in these instances is forum destruction. Once it's all disassembled and they are happy, they go off to another and do the same thing all over again.

 

[joy]

That's good, it really upsets me to see people who just want to disassemble such a wonderful site. Everyone here has been so supportive, even of my non heart related issues. Of course, this site helped me decide what kind of valve I wanted, and were very supportive of me when I had my TIA and really needed to just vent. For that, I must say, Thanks.

 

[Harrybaby666]

Normally, I don't add my 2 cents on anything controversial...but...

Normally, I don't add my 2 cents on anything controversial...but...

I have to agree with Ross, Hank, Betty, and Margaruite. There is only so much you can take of a subject and then it seems like you are just beating a dead issue all to pieces. I stay out of controversy for this reason, and I think that one can express sympathy on certain news issues, but that's as far as it should go, as I think politics really has no place in the medical website whereas it is likely to stir someone's blood pressure up and wreak havoc on the intended purpose of the website.

I have to say that I have alot more fun, learning about the people, how they are effected by valve and heart issues and medical issues, not to mention how their lives are where they live, and just general fun and humor, not the stress generating, blood pressure raising, anger making politics of controversy. When it comes to issues like this Terry Schivo issue, I can understand expressing sympathy and offering a prayer, but the political issues of it just have been drug out WAAAAYYYY Too Far. Harrybaby666

 

[Ross]

For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about when refering to trolls, please read this link below. I do believe your all going to see some familiar things going on here contained in this article!
http://members.aol.com/intwg/trolls.htm

 

[Mary]

I sure hope this ends it! It has been disheartening. It use to be the big news was an upcoming surgery and then subsequent recovery. Lately the new/pending valve replacement surgeries are lost within the "current events" threads.
I know I have a different outlook since I'm still waiting, but valve replacement is still the topic that holds the most interest for me.
Unless it's, "Is there sex after valve replacement?"

 

[gadgetman]

Haven't had my head handed to me on a platter yet . Maybe another Smilie Ross.

hosacktom,

Being in the Air Force I didn't have to worry too much about "grenades" except when I was in basic training. However, when Desert Storm One kicked off and I wound up spending four days at a Command Post (without being allowed to call the wife--not the first time--sure was glad she was understanding) I wasn't sure what I might face.

So glad to be of service--Air Force that is .

To everyone so far and those that read this post later,

But just to show you how things can suddenly take a surprising turn look up Becca's comment in the "Events" Thread. She said:

"All this talk is making me nervous. I don't want to have an event! I think because the words "near death" are being used. I still have 2 months to wait and have been pretty calm, but now I am starting to feel pretty nervous! BECCA"

So sometimes our "types" (new word???) can provide comfort or scare the heck out of people. As I have no desire to see pictures or videos about what I went through, I'm glad the "family" has refrained from actually posting the pictures. That is what our "private" mail can handle (so PLEASE, PLEASE don't send me any ).

So, no matter which direction we take, I'll still be here posting away until Hank or Ross "pull my plug" or the good Lord calls me home . If I offend someone in the process--tough --just kidding Lighten up will ya .

May God guide us in our "types" and remind us who our audience is. I still remember (and seeing from the postings we get so do y'all) how much help and comfort VR.com has been and probably will continue to be. See y'all at the Dinner Table (one that never closes )

May God Bless,

Danny

PS: Karlynn--Per your comment" I was thinking that it's about time for a new member to wander in and ask a sex question. That always gets us laughing and thinking together." Does it have to be "new"--I'm Male by the way--although I did put down "NOT ENOUGH" on a Medical Form that asked SEX? _________ . Nurse didn't see the humor in it and made me fill out the entire form again--had no choice she ripped up the other one .

 

[Ross]

Nurse didn't see the humor in it and made me fill out the entire form again--had no choice she ripped up the other one .

This wasn't Nurse Murch by chance? I'd have told her get her tape and start taping cause I ain't writing another one!