worried about my mum

[chocoholic]

Hi, I am new here and have recently found out that my mum has aortic stenosis and needs a valve replacement. She is going for her pre-op angiography on monday to find out whether she will need other work and whether they will be able to do the surgery at all. She is 76.

I am trying very hard to stay positive about this. A friend whose parents have both had heart surgery had a chat with her last week and has reassured her so she is not as anxious as before. However, I have a feeling she is still anxious only trying to hide it from me because she knows I fall apart myself when I see her so upset. However, it is all becoming too much for me having read on here that her life will be so different after surgery. Please someone reassure me that she will eventually be able to do the things she does now.

She is very active for her age in that she is still very independent and tries to do everything someone half her age would do. She has been told by the consultant that she must avoid anything strenuous but I know she finds this very hard. Only today she was avoiding telling me that she wanted to go shopping across town which meant that she would have to pull a loaded shopping trolley. I've noticed she is starting to hide things like this from me because she knows I am worried about her exerting herself and having chest pains again.

Sorry to be rambling on in such a disjointed way, but I am finding it so hard to cope with the thought of my mum's heart being stopped on an operating table. I know that so many here have been through it and that there is a very high success rate, but when it's your mum. I just get so emotional about this. Im worried about how she will feel when she gets home after the op and how I will cope with her wanting to do active things too soon....I know my friend's dad was recovered sufficiently to go sailing a year after this triple bypass so I assume that that my mum will be able to enjoy being active again one day? She so much hates being in bed.

Please tell me that it's not as bad as it sounds.....Im so worried

 

[Tbone]

Well to start with I hope the best for you & that you become very patient with her. Older people are more stuck in their ways that you would think.
I would say that most people actually improve after surgery, but have to watch what they do during their recovery. The last thing you want is for her to overdo it. Also, it may take her some time to recover so do not expect it to improve overnight. She will need people around to help her do laundry, cooking, cleaning, driving & the likes for the first several weeks.

I wish you & your mother the best of luck & ask that you keep us posted.

 

[Bina]

When I had my surgery I shared my room and the hallways with some lovely people in their 60s and 70s.
Most of them recovered better and faster than me....and I was 46.
Don't worry.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

You need to know that First Time Heart Surgeries have a Very High Success Rate, even in more 'elderly' patients who are in otherwise good health.

You mom has a Very Good Chance of being able to do everything she used to do, although it may take longer to get there than she likes. Recovery goes in stages. The first 2 weeks she will be weak as a kitten and feel like she has been run over by a train. The next few weeks she should regain her strength in Baby Steps, SLOWLY but Surely. Some members have reported continued improvement in stamina and energy for a Year or a bit more.

You may want to check out our Member Marty. He is an MD (Radiologist) who still works half time, when he is not playing golf. I think he is now in his 80's and had surgery in his 70's.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[hall]

My father-in-law had OHS in his 80s. He was fine. Try not to worry.

 

[Ross]

Your mom sounds to be as strong as an ox and that is a big plus for this surgery. At first, because this surgery really kicks the wind out of you, she'll likely not be bouncy and trouncy, but give her some time to heal (6 to 12) months and she'll be a new person. I too spent a lot of time in the hospital watching 70, 80, and even 90 year olds leave before I did and I was 40 at the time.

 

[chocoholic]

Thank you all so much for the kind responses and the reassurance that she can have a normal life again one day. I realise I am blowing this totally out of proportion and have to stay strong for her. It's just difficult to not get emotional with something so major.

We are going to the flower show at Hampton court today so an opportunity for her to relax before her angiography on monday.

 

[Cozycat]

Chocoholic, we'll have to compare notes one day. I always tell people I eat enough chocolate for 6 people!

Let me assure you of one thing....no one wants your mum to stay in bed longer than necessary. I'm 67 and had my aortic valve replaced 2/13/09. Believe me, the doctor and nurses will have her sitting in a chair and then on her feet as soon as possible...in a day or 2 usually. The first walk I took was about 20-30 steps...enough to get out of my room, turn around and walk back into the room. But each time you walk, it's a few steps further--not fast, not pushed but it's where you begin. When she gets home she will be very tired alot of the time, but it all comes back with patience and persistence. And it ebbs and flows, some days are better than others, but as you are learning from this site, we all manage to make it through. So rest easier, as we'll all be here to help.
Midge

 

[sue943]

Which hospital will she be in? I was in St George's, Tooting.

Try not to worry too much, 76 isn't too old and I am sure it will all be just fine.

 

[chocoholic]

Chocoholic, we'll have to compare notes one day. I always tell people I eat enough chocolate for 6 people!

Let me assure you of one thing....no one wants your mum to stay in bed longer than necessary. I'm 67 and had my aortic valve replaced 2/13/09. Believe me, the doctor and nurses will have her sitting in a chair and then on her feet as soon as possible...in a day or 2 usually. The first walk I took was about 20-30 steps...enough to get out of my room, turn around and walk back into the room. But each time you walk, it's a few steps further--not fast, not pushed but it's where you begin. When she gets home she will be very tired alot of the time, but it all comes back with patience and persistence. And it ebbs and flows, some days are better than others, but as you are learning from this site, we all manage to make it through. So rest easier, as we'll all be here to help.
Midge

Thanks midge - I have a theory about chocolate which is that its benefits in making us happy and reducing stress compensate more than enough for the fat content.

I have been very reassured by this site and the wonderful recoveries people make & it's been invaluable in giving me an idea of how to plan for aftercare. My mum's pre-op angiography is tomorrow and my main fret now is that they will say she cannot be operated on. This is mainly because we started talking about it on the train back from hampton yesterday. She was reading a newspaper article she had found about an alternative treatment. She mentioned that if the problem is too close to the heart they cannot operate. But I'm sure there are other things they can do to help her?

I really should stop worrying too much, but it's the uncertainty of the situation that causes this. Im sure many on this site have been through similar uncertainty at some point so it's great to know that I am not alone in trying to get my head around this.

 

[chocoholic]

Which hospital will she be in? I was in St George's, Tooting.

Try not to worry too much, 76 isn't too old and I am sure it will all be just fine.

HI Sue and thank you for the reassurance. I am feeling so much more positive after seeing the posts here.

My mum is currently in the care of the hammersmith, but I am trying to move her to the heart hospital which is part of UCL as then she will be near to where I work so visiting etc will be so much easier. I know of two people who have had ops at the heart hospital and they are fine years later. The GP does not seem to know anything about the hospital. But Ive read that bruce keogh who used to be lead consultant at hammersmith cardiac unit now heads up the team. So surely it must be a good choice?

Im concerned about leaving her at the hammersmith because some of the attitudes Ive seen from staff there are not what I expected. When my mum had her emergency she was admitted to a ward the same day. The minute we walked in there was a nurse shouting at a completely helpless patient telling her off for taking her oxygen mask off. Now I am sure she meant well, but I don't expect to hear shouting on a cardiac unit (at least not from the staff). She suddenly realised we were there and wandered over to say she was not usually like that. hmm...

Ive heard that the heart hospital has a very professional and respectful attitude to patients and that people receive great treatment there. I was wondering if anyone here has experienced it. Where should I post a question about this on the forum? Is this section a good place?

Thanks again.

 

[njean]

Welcome to VR! I'm glad you found us & perhaps we can help ease your doubts & worries somewhat.

OHS is a very scary, even horrifying thought, but you must remember one thing: We're all survivors here & have been where your mum is at this very moment. And we got through it & I'm quite confident your mother will too!

Some of us, me included, have been thru this multiple times & we're still standing! For some of us, recovery took a while longer while others jumped right back effortlessly --- let's pray your mom is one of the latter!

She is going to be just fine!

Take care!

 

[chocoholic]

thanks Njean for your warm reassurance.

Ive just spent a couple of hours trying to reassure my mum that she must stop fretting about the angiography. Ive been worrying about the risks myself, but when I mentioned something I was doing with friends on friday, she mentioned that she may not come out of hospital after tomorrow. She wanted me to be with her the whole day but I cannot take any more time off work because I am worried about the amount of time I will need when she has the OHS. I have written notes to the nurses to contact me if there are any problems and I will be in touch myself. But I cannot be there all the time.

 

[njean]

Please try to calm yourself & your mom down concerning the angiogram. It is really not that bad. It actually sounds worse then it really is, believe me & I've been thru many of them without any difficulty.

A friend of mine went thru one last week & for weeks she fretted about it, calling me about it constantly & saying she was at the point of cancelling it because she was so frightened by it. I kept reassuring her that it would not be that bad & that she would be just fine.

Well, she had it done last Friday & went home that same afternoon & called to thank me that night & to tell me that it was nothing compared to what she had envisioned it would be!

The only thing I found annoying was having to lay immobile for at least 4 to 5 hours afterwards due to the possibility of bleeding thru the entry point in the groin area. My friend only had to wait in the hospital for 3 1/2 hrs afterwards.

Rest easy. She'll do fine!

 

[chocoholic]

Njean I've tried to be calm about the angio, but I've just woken in a panic at 4am worrying about it. So I can be ok when awake but my subconscious goes into overdrive when sleeping...I am not naturally a worrier and I was feeling really relaxed about things yesterday until I spoke to her in the evening, but my mum's worrying spreads to me like panic spreads in a crowd.

Will my mum need any aftercare? I can't take more time off work at the moment (Im saving it for when she has the op), so Im worrying about leaving her alone the next day (although I will be with her this evening and through the night) and not sure what she will be allowed to do. I don't want her to overdo it when she gets back (I mention this because she hates to rest and likes to be up and about doing something like shopping or housework straight away), but the information in the leaflet they gave her does not say much about what to do when she gets home, just to have someone with her that night.

 

[chocoholic]

My mum had a successful angiography after all that worry. But now I've had the most awful time trying to get her transferred to a hospital near where I work. I've had to drive to the other hospital tonight to get hold of the angiography result and now because I am looking at the result Im worrying that she will need a bypass or other procedure as well as the valve replacement.

It says :

LMS unobstructed
LAD mid mild plaque disease
LCx unobstructed
RCA mid vessel 60-70% stenosis

coronary lesions % stenosis
anterior descending 20
right coronary mid 70

Ive worked out the abbreviations left anterior descending coronary artery RCA right coronary artery LCx left circumflex lms left main stem etc.

So does this mean that as well as aortic stenosis my mum has right coronary arterial disease which requires more work such as a bypass etc? When I first saw the report I thought great she only has severe stenosis in one part, but then on investigation I think my relief is misplaced because it's more complex than I first imagined.

I actually broke down in tears yesterday & ended up on sedatives and sleeping pills because of all the stress Ive been under worrying about whether they will do the op and trying to get her transferred to this hospital near my work and also going through a major reorganisation at work. Plus she has another virtually inoperable benign tumour on her pancreas that we have been worrying about for years, so just before her heart issue we were stressing about the fact that they wanted to do a seven hour op on that. We had only just found out that they were not planning that right now when she had the heart episode. So I've had a worrying few months because the other op is just as risky as a heart op and would have left her needing constant care for three months and immediate severe diabetes. So I thought I'd managed to sort everything with the heart now by moving her to this new hospital, but it looks like another restless night now it may be a riskier op than I first thought.

Any opinions on the results would be very welcome.

 

[sue943]

We mothers certainly put our daughters through some stress, I am sure it must be worse for loved ones than the patient.

I am not expert on the test results so cannot be of help there. did you not manage to speak to a doctor in the hospital?

 

[netmiff]

first thing first, this a real dumb question, but I have got to ask it - London England?? London, Ontario Canada? or London somewhere else? Just so we know what type of health system you are dealing with.

Now for your mum's (yes, it will be London England with you spelling "mum" not "mom") situation : valve replacement and bypass ops are, simply put and in my non-medical experience, very similar. It may be a little longer in the operating room, and it may mean a little longer on the bypass machine (I amd not sure about that, I don't think they have to stop your heart for bypass), and they will more than likely have to harvest a vein for the bypass, often from the leg.

Anyway, it is better to have it all done at once, than have to go through it all again. That is why they do the heart cath/angiograms before valve replacement surgery. My surgeon said they may as well fix anything else "while they are there!"

 

[ALCapshaw2]

Yes, your "mum" has Coronary Artery Disease BUT it is still pretty 'early in the game'. If she were not in need of a valve replacement, they would probably just treat her using Angioplasty and possibly a Stent. This is the typical treatment with blockages of 70 to 90%. At 90% and above, Bypass Surgery is often the preferred solution.

Since she is already going to be 'opened up' the surgeon *may* opt to do Bypass Surgery at the same time. You (and she) will want to discuss those options with the Surgeon. Adding Bypass Surgery is "no big deal" for the surgeon. It will only lengthen the surgery by a relatively short amount of time. It is a Common Practice and any Heart Surgeon who has been around for a while should be well versed in the techniques.

 

[chocoholic]

Thanks so much for the replies. I think my anxiety comes from the cardiologist in the other hospital highlighting that if she needs a bypass too then the risks during surgery become very much greater. I think he said something like the risk of dying doubling... One of the reasons I want to move away from that hospital is because the surgeons there keep causing so much unnecessary stress by such frightening statements. It's not just about the heart surgery but they have been scaring my mum about her tumour for six years now. The last time was in may this year just before the heart thing. I think surgeons can be very insensitive to how a patient feels.