worried about my mum

[Ross]

While the statements made are frightening to you, you must understand also, that you would not want to be lied too. Surgery is risk no matter what or who and the patient needs to know what could possibly happen. Mortality is very low. You couldn't say that 20 years ago.

I agree with Al Capshaw that bypass at this point is overkill. Those can be stented or angioplasted.

Please don't take this statement the wrong way, but you've got to calm down. This is not the end of the world for mum. It's a difficult thing to recover from, but she sounds well ready for it. While you think of heart surgery as major, which it is, it's still highly unlikely she'll die from it. Just think of mum as a Superhero when it's all done. I mean, look at Superbob.

 

[Johan]

I had AVR and one bypass with a vein from my leg 4 weeks ago. My native circumflex artery was not totally blocked by they did the bypass "while in there". The surgeon assured me that it only added about 20 minutes to a 5 hour operation. You must remember that a team of specialists is involved. In my case a vascular surgeon removed the vein from my leg while the main surgeon and his assistant worked on the valve. One can see that the former had lots of time as he did a beautiful job of closing the leg wound, hardly a scar now 4 weeks later. I am 66 and went through the surgery with few complications so I am very confident that your mum will do likewise. We all know that the waiting is the worse and we all go through the typical stages of denial (it can't be true, I feel great etc), anger (why me?), bargaining (is there some other way? can't we wait some more? Is the stenosis really life threatening?) and finally comes acceptance and with it a measure of calm. The latter stage is wonderfully assisted by the good people on VR.com! Both you and your mum are now in the early stages of the process and it is natural to fret! As you learn more about the operation some calm will set in. You will both still be scared but remember this type of surgery came a long way over the last 30 years with a concomitant dramatic reduction in risk. Your mum will be just fine, believe me.

 

[chocoholic]

While the statements made are frightening to you, you must understand also, that you would not want to be lied too. Surgery is risk no matter what or who and the patient needs to know what could possibly happen. Mortality is very low. You couldn't say that 20 years ago.

I agree with Al Capshaw that bypass at this point is overkill. Those can be stented or angioplasted.

Please don't take this statement the wrong way, but you've got to calm down. This is not the end of the world for mum. It's a difficult thing to recover from, but she sounds well ready for it. While you think of heart surgery as major, which it is, it's still highly unlikely she'll die from it. Just think of mum as a Superhero when it's all done. I mean, look at Superbob.

thanks ross I know I have become too overwhelmed by this. I think that is mainly due to the fact that we have spent six years worrying about her needing an even more drastic op to remove most of her pancreas, spleen and part of her bowel because of her benign pancreatic tumour and there was a scare about that just in May/early june and then this happened straight after. So Ive not really had a chance to be relaxed about her because she was incredibly anxious about the tumour surgery then found they had decided against it. I am the one who had to calm her down for weeks while we waited for tests and more tests and then more consultations. So now this is like another ordeal for both of us, but she is more calm than before because she understands heart surgery and knows people who have been through it, but for me it's like more stress on top of the previous situation where I was trying to be really positive when I was really worried about how things would turn out. Unfortunately she does get very anxious and negative about her health situation and I am her comforter I guess. I then feel like Ive absorbed all her worries like a sponge and feel worn out and unable to deal with any additional stress.

I am trying various methods to calm my mind and to just live in the present because you're right I really do have to calm down and stop worrying about the future.

Thanks too for the advice about the possibility of her maybe not needing the bypass during surgery. I am hoping to discuss the pros and cons in depth with the surgeon when we get an appointment. It's good to be informed in advance about other options.

 

[chocoholic]

I had AVR and one bypass with a vein from my leg 4 weeks ago. My native circumflex artery was not totally blocked by they did the bypass "while in there". The surgeon assured me that it only added about 20 minutes to a 5 hour operation. You must remember that a team of specialists is involved. In my case a vascular surgeon removed the vein from my leg while the main surgeon and his assistant worked on the valve. One can see that the former had lots of time as he did a beautiful job of closing the leg wound, hardly a scar now 4 weeks later. I am 66 and went through the surgery with few complications so I am very confident that your mum will do likewise. We all know that the waiting is the worse and we all go through the typical stages of denial (it can't be true, I feel great etc), anger (why me?), bargaining (is there some other way? can't we wait some more? Is the stenosis really life threatening?) and finally comes acceptance and with it a measure of calm. The latter stage is wonderfully assisted by the good people on VR.com! Both you and your mum are now in the early stages of the proses and it is natural to fret! As you learn more about the operation some calm will set in. You will both still be scared but remember this type of surgery came a long way over the last 30 years with a concomitant dramatic reduction in risk. Your mum will be just fine, believe me.

Thanks so much for your reassurance and it's so good to hear of your good experience with your surgery. I hope your recovery is going well. I think I would just like this waiting period to be over so that we find out exactly what they plan to do and that I am in the hospital room with her opening her eyes after coming to eventually and just seeing her come through alive and hearing that it will all be ok. At least I have now hopefully managed to successfully move her to a hospital near me so that will make me feel less stressed. This has just been a week from hell and as I try to shield her from my feelings about this as much as possible so that I do not stress her heart more I've bottled it up and I guess it just got on top of me. But thanks so much for your very warm and positive reply.

 

[Jkm7]

Do you have an appointment for when you will meet with the surgeon?
Hopefully you will not have to wait very long as the stress is difficult to handle.
Once we accept the surgery is necessary, most agree, 'the sooner the better'.
Sending you and your Mum the very best wishes.
Please let us know how things progress for her.

 

[barb]

Keeping your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you peace as you care for her. I think this can be harder on family members than patients sometimes. You are in my prayers as well.

 

[chocoholic]

Many thanks for the wishes JKM, unfortunately not yet heard anything back from the hospital and will get in touch with them on Monday to find out what's happening. Ive done all I can for now to try to arrange the referral and have to step back and try to stop being so affected. Yes it's the waiting to find out what's happening that's so difficult to deal with. Feels like life is on hold and that you can't relax until it's over.

Barb, thanks so much for your prayers. I've noticed that you've very recently had an op and that youve lived with stenosis since you were 11. I do hope you are recovering well from the op. Best of luck with that.

 

[COLLEEN S]

Well, there alot of things to think about here. I too, am worried about my mom, who is 74 and has an ascending aneurysm of 4.7 which they have agreed to do 'watchful waiting' due to her coexisting COPD.