When to tell

[dennie]

Thanks, guys, for standing behind me. Ok. I asked her out yesterday. No luck again. But I know she is busy (working in the lab all the time, staying up till 3,4 am, ...). BTW, she is a PhD student so it is very likely true. Probably have to wait till next weekend. Keep my fingers crossed.

 

[Gnusgal]

I always find it interesting to see conversations about telling someone you're interested in about your heart. I guess because I've lived all of my life with my heart condition I don't really think about it. It's just a part of me, like the fact that I have a brother and sister, that my parents are divorced, etc. It's not something that I feel like I have to build up to or wait for the perfect time to announce. I just let it come up naturally. Eventually it always does. Especially nowadays, with me being just the right age to have children. When people ask if I have any kids, my answer is always, "No, I can't carry a pregnancy because I have heart problems. Some day we hope to adopt or do surrogacy" (or something to that effect). My husband responds to the question the same way. I think that our attitude about it (like it's no big deal) helps the people we're talking to. Yes, it comes as a shock, and generally I get a "I never would have guessed" kind of response, but it generally leads to a conversation where I have the chance to educate someone else. They come to realize that it's not just older people or little kids who have heart issues, but that it doesn't mean that living a normal life is impossible either.

When I first met my husband it was in college. I am pretty sure he knew from the very first day that I had heart problems because we were with a big group of people who were playing Ultimate Frisbee and all I was doing was watching. He asked me why I wasn't playing. It was easy to just say "I have heart problems and a pacemaker and can't play sports." Obviously it didn't scare him off. We didn't start dating until over a month later. When you don't make a big deal out of it, I don't think other people will either. JMHO.

 

[catwoman]

Thanks, guys, for standing behind me. Ok. I asked her out yesterday. No luck again. But I know she is busy (working in the lab all the time, staying up till 3,4 am, ...). BTW, she is a PhD student so it is very likely true. Probably have to wait till next weekend. Keep my fingers crossed.

Dennie:

Try asking about just getting coffee or latte or something quick. If she says no, you'll know is a no, and not that she's just busy with school work. My nephew is finishing his M.S. & will start his Ph.D. in August or September; he & his parents share a large apartment and even they hardly see him because of his schoolwork. He doesn't have much time to devote to dating right now, much less making it to dinner with various family members.

 

[dennie]

UPDATE, GREAT NEWS!

Hi, everyone. I hope this message finds all of you doing well. Good news on my side. Me and my girl friend are happily together for about a year now. We are planning for me to meet her parents around the end of the year. And if everything goes smoothly (meaning I stay healthy or at least appear to be healthy in front of her parents), we shall have the wedding next Spring. I hope it would be sooner but they live in another country, that is the only good time.

So, for my fellows who have similar concerns, be optimistic. There are always someone for you. Now please pray for me and share my joy at least at this moment.

 

[Nancy]

That's so wonderful! Good for you both!

 

[kbheart]

That's great news! Congratulations!

 

[Jkm7]

What happy news, Dennie. Really nice of you to share it with us. Sending all best wishes.

 

[Freddie]

Thats fantastic news Dennie and Congratulations. So we can assume that everything went well when you told the love of your life about your heart condition.
So glad to hear that your happy and doing well.
Take Care and enjoy.

 

[geebee]

So, I am guessing your heart history did not scare her off.

Wishing you all the very best and I hope the parents' visit goes very well.

 

[catwoman]

Dennie:

Sounds wonderful and sounds like you have met THE one!

 

[upchurch131]

Thanks, guys, for standing behind me. Ok. I asked her out yesterday. No luck again. But I know she is busy (working in the lab all the time, staying up till 3,4 am, ...). BTW, she is a PhD student so it is very likely true. Probably have to wait till next weekend. Keep my fingers crossed.

Dennie,

You certainly generated a ton of conversation on this topic. WOW! My wife is so supportive and eternally optimistic. We shared so many ups and downs together including the loss of a child to hypoplastic left heart syndrome. My gal married a "healthy" young dude who was twenty to her nineteen in 1975. When the problems started happening, she didn't RUN- she was in it for the long haul. Its going on 33 years now and she isn't running from my soon to happen OHS either.

Gals and guys ARE out there like this and you will find someone who cares for YOU and not the fact that you have a scar. Scars do not make the person.

 

[AgilityDog]

Mazel Tov! Sounds like you've got a "keeper" Best wishes to you both.

 

[westie]

great news

great news

dennie, it was really nice to read that things had worked out ok with your girl, best wishes for the future

how did she handle your disclosure about your ohs?