update on Kevin

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joy

joy

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 9, 2001
Messages
927
Location
Honolulu Hawaii
Well, Kevin leaves tomorrow afternoon for San Diego. I am really pretty down about it, as I am TERRIBLE at good-byes! Even for a couple days, I hate them. I also don't know how I am going to explain it to the kids. He will be gone for 6 weeks and then he, will come home for three weeks, then he will leave for Diego Garcia for a year without us. I know we will be ok, but I will really just miss having him around, and waking up next to him every morning. We leave for the airport at 1:30PST. It will be weird. Well, thanks for listening(reading). It helps to have friends that care!
 
Hi Joy

Remember the old AA adage, "One day at a time!!" You do have email with him, yes? Hopefully you'll be in contact on at least a daily basis while he is gone.....I couldn't imagine what it was like years ago when people relied on letters. Focus on those kids and you'll all get through it. I know you'll do ok. I remember way way back when Tyce was in the service and I in college....being away was not fun, but somehow you get through it. Are your/his parents close by....what about other relatives? Sometimes we find that through adversity we have strength beyond our wildest dreams....you will get through this.

Evelyn
 
Thanks Evelyn. Just got back from taking Kevin to the airport. I don't know how I will get through this. Kevin and I have NEVER been apart. He's been my best friend through a lot. It's weird, I have noone here to give me a hug when I need it the most(right now.) My closest family is 1800 miles away. Trust me, if they were closer to me, I'd be there with them. I have a couple of friends here, but not my best friends. I will miss him, and it's hard to stop crying. I hope it gets easier before he goes to dg for a year! Take it easy, and thanks for caring! It means a lot.
 
Hi Joy-

It's so terrible that you have to face this separation from Kevin. He's your best friend, as you've said many times.

With each passing day, it will get a little easier. God gives you strength when you most need it. It's the time for you to be Kev's best friend now, and take very good care of yourself and your children, so when he comes home, it will be a wonderful time. He'll be counting on you to do this. I'm sure he hates the separation also. We'll all help you get through this.

Take care,
 
Hi guys, Ian is being so sweet to me tonight! He comes up to me if I am crying, and gives me a hug and a kiss. I told him he could stay up and wait until Kevin calls tonight. He's a daddy's boy, that's for sure, but that's just Ian. Erik is teething, and constipated. I think I will take him to the doctor on monday, since he isn't being himself at all for the last week or so. I just hope that he doesn't start to think that Kevin abandoned him. I have abandonement issues and have fought depression for about 15 years. It's more than just lurked today. I hope it doesn't get as bad as it was when I was in high school. I will keep you all posted as to how we are doing. Take it easy, and thanks for your posts, it means so much to me. YOu are all wonderful people, and I am glad that you are here for me.
 
Mornin Joy - just saw your post about Kevin going.

Hope you have awakened to a brighter day today. With your little ones around, you won't have much time to think - except at night and that will be tough. You, as well as Kevin, are contributing to the safety of the country so I, for one, just want you to know that I appreciate the sacrifices you are making. Do try to make the most of every single day with your babies and in anything else you do as a day is never recaptured. Do something special today for all of you - and then tell Kevin about it. God bless
 
Hi Joy

Just wanted to say "Good Morning" and let you know we're thinking about you......I just read Henslyee's message, and she definitely is right, a very insightful lady!!! Go out and do something very special with your kids and enjoy the day with them! Then tell Kevin about it whether it's in an email or a call. I'm sure he misses you just as much if not more. Remember, he's totally out of familiar territory, you have your house, the kids and friends near.

ONE DAY IS DOWN, perhaps the most difficult one.

Evelyn
 
hi joy!
i feel for you. it's hard to be separated from your "anchor" and best friend like this.
i think i would probably be crying a lot too. maybe it's good to get it out andjust feel it.
meanwhile, you have these beautiful babies to keep you busy and company. you're not alone.
they need you as much as you need them. please try and use that.
i think it's great that you are so expressive and come in here to chat about anything.
there are so many wise and caring folks here, as you can see from evelyn and hensylee's posts.
please keep coming back. we'll hold your hand while kevin's away and we'll keep you company.
please feel free to email me anytime you're lonely or sad ([email protected]).
thinking about you and hoping you're feeling well, sylvia
 
Hi guys, we went to the mall today. kev called me this morning. He wasn't happy about the arrangements they've made for him! He said that when he first got there, he ended up at the wrong base. SO he had to get on a bus that took him to the right base. Then when he finally got in, they stuck him in a room with 15 other men! He should be able to move to a room with just one other guy or a single room. He's an E-5, and they are supposed to get their own rooms. I feel bad for him, but miss him terribly! My mom said she would call frequently, and my dad said he'd call every other night. Mom is sending out a calling card with 600 minutes on it, and I am researching cell phone plans for Kevin. He doesn't have his own phone, since there are so many people in his room. I will keep you guys up to date as more stuff comes in. THank you all for reading my posts and being so supportive. It means a lot!

It's weird, now though. I couldn't sleep last night, and I didn't have an appetite to eat anything, although I tried to shove soup in, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I haven't eaten anything today either. I get sick when I think of it. Take it easy
 
Good Morning, Joy.....Day 2 and it's yours to make the best of....Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you this morning when I was on the site.....remember, love those kids, eat, and get out and get some exercise.....it's great for the psyche......

Evelyn
 
You know, I feel better today. Kevin and I chatted on yahoo messenger for about an hour yesterday, and we emailed a lot yesterday. I did have to take something to help me sleep last night, and it worked, but it left me groggy this morning. Do yo know of anything that will not make me groggy?

Do you know what really made me feel better? Kevin said he didn't want to leave us behind. Before he was all like, " I can't wait to go to school, " and I was like, " but what about us?" He said he wanted to be there, but he didn't want to be apart from us, he wished that we could be down there with him. Made me feel better just hearing it. I know he felt it, I just needed to hear it from him. WEll, I better go, I have to take care of my boys, and see why Erik is crying. Take it easy.
 
Hi Joy:

My daughters husband is in the Navy. He has been away on two 6 month tours, and literally countless other "away" assignments. This summer, 6 weeks in San Diego, training new officiers. They have been married for 5 years, and in that period of time, they have probably been together less than half of that. I know very well how difficult it is. I think our country owes a great debt to all who serve, and their families. The wives, husbands children, moms and dads pay a huge price for the freedoms we all enjoy. You have my utmost respect.

Marybeth
 
Hi Marybeth! I've been married to my husband for just under 5 years. In that time we got lucky and Kevin has been on shore duty. If you don't mind me asking where is her husband stationed? We are on Naval Subbase Bangor, Wa. He is an E-5, and he's at MA "A" school. He is cross rating from being an IT. It takes a strong woman to be a navy wife! My husband has been in for 9 years, and has 11 left to go. He's going to try to get out of going to Diego Garcia since there are alot of SINGLE sailors that would love to go there, yet he's married and doesn't want to. I still haven't decided whether or not to stay in this area or go home for the year and then move back. I think it would be best for the kids to stay here, but for me it would be best to go home, so I have some more support. This six weeks wouldn't bother me as much if he wasn't going to a tiny little Island for a year.

Evelyn, THank you for thinking about me and posting! I'm glad that Tyce is doing well and recovering without any big problems. I am really wondering how Ross is doing, since I haven't heard from Steve lately. I think this next year is going to be tough on me because I am the mommy and daddy, and even though it is hard for me, I have to remain strong for the kids. It will be harder on Ian though, since he is old enough to realize that daddy is gone, but doesn't understand where, why, and that daddy doesn't want to leave us behind. It will be interesting, but I will keep you posted as to what is going on with him and where he is going.

Thanks again for posting, your thoughts and prayers mean so much to me!
 
Good Morning, Joy.....just checking in to see how you're doing and hoping that you had a good day yesterday.....Your posts definitely sound better, not that you miss Kev any less, just that you're coming to terms with it. It would be wonderful if he didn't have to go away for that year, but does the Navy really think in terms of who is single and who is married with kids?

As far as the kids are concerned, I don't think it matters whether you stay in Wa or go home....as long as the kids are with you, they'll adjust---they're pretty resilient and can adapt quite well. The most important thing is that they know you're there and you love them. The good part is that you don't have to make that decision yet. Kevin comes home after the 6 weeks, yes? There's plenty of time to worry about that decision then.

Thanks for asking about Tyce. He's doing great, thank God.

Will chat again soon.

Evelyn
 
I am feeling better today, as well. I can listen to sad songs and not cry! Kev finally got his own phone number and is in a room by himself, so he likes that much better. Of course it is costing us $22.00 a night, but as long as he's happy, that's all that matters to me. Besides, the navy pays for it anyways. You guys are great, thanks for checking to make sure I am ok, Evelyn, it means a lot to me! You are my second family, the one who understands what I have gone through. As a spouse of a valver, you understand what Kevin went through, Evelyn. He was there with me through the whole thing. He was my rock, and I don't think I could have gotten through the last year and a half without him here with me. Well, I need to go get some stuff(milk, etc...) so I better get going.
 
Hi Joy.....so glad to hear how much better you're doing today! Kev's ok and settled, you're ok and settled.....things are better!

Remember, as much as Kevin was your rock when you had your surgery, you are now his. He needs you to be strong and take care of the kids, house, etc., etc., etc. You are now in the position to be his support staff, because he is the one who is uprooted. I know exactly how you feel, Joy, because for many many years Tyce was my rock and his steadiness and grounding allowed me the ability to spread my wings and do my things, whether it was horses, dogs, horse shows, teaching in prison, etc. I think, though, that many times having that rock there doesn't allow the other person to develop their own strength. They have a tendency to rely on the other person completely. Think of it this way, J., you now have 6 weeks and then a year to find your own strengths......not that you wanted this, but it is thrust upon you and I would look at it as a huge learning opportunity. You have already proved your strength....surgery gave you that, but I'm sure there are many wonderful attributes that haven't emerged, and this will give you a chance to find them.

Kiss those kids lots.

Evelyn
 
Joy,

After reading your post I think I may have written to you before about all this. But as a retired Army Colonel my family and I have endured, as you can imagine, a number of these separations and I think I understand where you are coming from. These separations are not easy on anyone, you, your husband or the kids.

So in my view I think you have to make the best of an unpleasent situation. Some of the ideas that I have found that worked over the years are:

? You have to be strong and Kevin has to be strong. Of course this is easier said than done I know, but you have to do it.
? Think about doing some full or part time work at your kid?s school, if that is possible with their age etc? An active and busy mind is not a lonely mind.

? Make Kevin?s assignment a family project. Keep a diary for him, pictures, letters, and school stuff. I must tell you as hard as this separation is hard on you it is equally hard on him. He is going to be worried about doing his job correctly but I am sure he will probably worry more about you and the kids more.

? Talk to people on base who handle relations between family and service members. These people are really great at what they do. Now you have to give them time to get to know you and your special or specific needs to really see them shine. Today we have video conferencing, and all sorts of e-mails and other technology to get you together. Believe me the military wants you and your husband to be happy.

? If you can, try and start some college courses ?On-Line?. Finish a degree or start a new one. Again the military has incredible programs for the whole family in this area.

? Lastly remember that Kevin is out there protecting us all. I salute him.

If I can help in anyway just let me know and I might be able to steer you in the right direction.
 
Ok here's an update on Kevin...He had to request orders again, because he didn't have his orders before he left for school. Now...I'm not keeping my hopes up, but he could get new orders. He was supposed to leave me before and end up on a boat that was stationedin singapore, but I ended up haveing heart disease. Coincidence? Please PRAY that he doesn't have to go for a year, I don't know what I would do without him...He was thinking about that new homeland security team...
Wish us luck!
 
Hang in there, Joy, it will all work out. The emotional price of this kind of separation must be very hard to bear. I hope the flooey in the orders works out to your advantage!
 
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