Today's Chuckle

[SHerrin Hutt]

I have been married for 33yrs. on the 3/25. And my husband will never replace the toliet paper on the roll. He will lay it on top of the holder.This drives me crazy!!!!!!! His is retired and he still can't open the dish washer to put anything in. And this just a few things he does that drives me cazy and there is a whole lot more belive me. But I still love him. Not that I am perfect or anything.

 

[Ross]

Mandatory film for all of you complaining she beasts:

Click Me For More Information

Dial up users beware, large file! 2.6mb

 

[Yaps]

Oh Ross

Oh Ross

You better run for the hills..lol OMG WIFE SCHOOL!!!!!

 

[hensylee]

they won't let me attend classes anymore. I kept getting failing grades.

 

[Ross]

A Mans Guide To Arguing With She Beasts

A Mans Guide To Arguing With She Beasts

The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse. The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of society: women, also known as She Beasts.

Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.

Step 1. Abandon all logic. Girls don't use it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to handicap you.

Step 2. If you believe strongly in something, do NOT give in to any aspect of it. Compromise is useless against girls, because they will rationalize that if they can get you to concede to one element, they can get you to quit on the whole Periodic Table. (Nothing like a little chemistry humor, right?)

Step 3. Don't be afraid to take cheap shots. Ever argue with a girl about something and they randomly insult you with something that has no relevance to the argument? That's their way of trying to wear you down and push you off-topic. Fight fire with fire, I say. Tell her she has a fat butt, small ****s, an ugly face, disorienting facial hair, unwieldy hips, and is a genuinely awful person.

Step 4. Cite precedent. Girls have no concept of historical factors relating to the current situation. Most girls reading this just went over to dictionary.com to see what \"precedent\" meant.

Step 5. Interrupt her. Don't let her talk. Girls hate that like they hate other girls. It's hilarious, too. They get all frazzled.

Step 6. Don't take her seriously. Laugh at every point she deems serious in nature. Fart, if possible. Derail her emotional train.

Step 7. If the argument escalates, cut off all communication with her. If a girl can't find you, she can't continue arguing. Change your phone number, relocate, and get a name change if you must.

Step 8. Don't be fooled by \"Let's stop arguing please.\" That's their way of making you let your guard down, so they can swoop in after you're worn down. Instead, say something like \"Yeah, all this being right is exhausting for me.\" Ticking them off. Just trust me.

Step 9. Compare her unfavorably with another girl. This is especially effective if the comparison is with a girl that they simply abhor. Tell her something like, \"Lisa is so much more compassionate than you.\" Girls hate other girls, like a deer hates a shotgun. And how do you take down a deer? Exactly.

Step 10. Don't be intimidated by the water works. That's their ultimate contingency, knowing that guys can't deal with a crying girl. Stay strong, don't let yourself get emotional, just think of something funny. Replay scenes from \"Office Space\" in your head if you must.

Step 11. Bust out, \"I don't feel like fighting. I've proven my point.\" Then stop. Leave the argument. It ticks them off because a guy's natural reaction is to resolve, whereas a girl's is to continue forever and ever until the end of time until they hear that they are right. If a guy decides that he is right and won't budge, their whole concept of male-female relations is. Again, mind games.

Step 12. Ask her if she's on the rag. Self-explanatory.

Step 13. When all else fails, tell her she's just like her mother. It's an ace-in-the-hole and will emotionally cripple her to such a degree she may even forget her whole argument.

Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.

 

[Karlynn]

Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.

Rule #1 in warfare - never under-estimate your enemy.

 

[hensylee]

Ross - then we take off our underwear. You lost!

 

[KimC]

Underwear on Brother's Head

Underwear on Brother's Head

I'm CONSTANTLY using logic to remind my husband and children that cleaning-up after themselves is a two-step process:

IF you peel a carrot, apple or salami, THEN grind up the scraps you left in the sink.

IF you dirty a dish, glass, utensil, etc. THEN remove it from the table, floor, dog and put it in the sink or dishwasher.

IF you use a towel for a shower, bath, skinny-dip, etc. THEN hang it up, instead of claiming you've created a roof for your imaginary fort in the middle of the living room.

And ...

WHEN you take-off your backpack, coat, underwear, etc. PUT them back where they belong, (and never on your brother's head).

Argh.

 

[Ross]

Ross - then we take off our underwear. You lost!

No actually perverts like me like that!

 

[perkicar]

Them's fightin' words!

Them's fightin' words!

The Allied Invasion. The Trojan Horse. The Divine Plan. The following strategy puts them all to shame because it defines how to finally defeat the great beast of society: women, also known as She Beasts.

Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. A lot of guys hate doing it, most notably because it never seems like we can win. But you can win. Here's how.


Remember, girls are the less intelligent of the genders. All throughout history men have out-thought, out-invented, and out-created women in every facet of existence. Isn't it about time we won an argument for once? Gentlemen, that time is now.

Oh Ross, you have gone beyond the limits. The she beasts will have to teach you a thing or two. You will be the sacrificial lamb for all the boy toys.
ROTRL

 

[Abbanabba]

Fight fire with fire, I say.

EXACTLY!!!!


When I got sick of an ex-boyfriend leaving everything lying around, I decided to just "go with the flow".

I stopped washing dishes, I stopped doing the laundry - or HIS laundry, at least, I stopped bringing in HIS mail, I stopped cooking..... I pretty much embraced HIS lifestyle.

Let me just say, it took a couple of weeks of living in utter squalor, but at the end of the day he somehow worked out how to wash dishes (and where to find them!), how to wash clothes, how to cook, how to iron, etc.....

AMAZING!!!


Oh.... and on the matter of "that time of the month", the fact is - women's testosterone levels are at their highest then... kind of on par with that of the guys. So, for as much as we might be illogical, irrational, pains-in-the-a$$ for that 1 week of the month, you guys are pretty much like that 24/7!!!! It's a logical, scientific fact!


A : )

 

[Bryan B]

Having lived alone since my divorce I do the laundry, the cooking, the dishes, the cleaning, etc.

*If I ever remarry I wonder if I will magically forget how to do these things?

 

[geebee]

I don't know how I got so lucky but I have a SO who does his own laundry, washes all the dishes and even changes the litter box now and then.

After being married to a man who thought I was there to serve him (even when I was very ill), I now live in a constant state of heavenly bliss.

There are good guys out there, I just think they need a little guidance on what makes us happier. In the long run, we all want each other to be happy but, if we don't communicate it, it will never happen.

 

[Ross]

There are good guys out there.

Shhh, I'm one of them, but I wouldn't want to let all of you know that.
It might tarnish my He Man image.

 

[Karlynn]

Shhh, I'm one of them, but I wouldn't want to let all of you know that.
It might tarnish my He Man image.

Oh, heck no, Ross. Saw Gladiator the other night and instantly thought of you!

 

[SHerrin Hutt]

Ross
You make my day. This sight would be so dull if not for you. Behave while I am in the hosp. I go in in the morning for 4 days for my back surgery. Keep up the good work.

 

[hensylee]

Ross, you'll always be da man - but then, so is Lyn, bless your hearts.

how about this:
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next
morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.


He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping.

Then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds,
do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with
them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework.

Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was
exhausted.

And, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where
he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last
night.

 

[Yaps]

I have been

I have been

laughing so hard I hurt!!!!I needed this...lol... Thanks

 

[KimC]

Gladiator = Ross

OK, now you've got my attention!

 

[tommy]

Glad to see some reconciling going on in here. Gender wars have few winners. Peace.