I can identify a lot with what you're saying, and it sounds like the timing of all this is far from ideal. For what it's worth, here's my experience. My AVR is scheduled for this coming Monday, but I still have few symptoms (it's hard to know sometimes, though, b/c I don't know what "normal" feels like). However, my heart has very recently become severely enlarged and my aortic regurgitation has also become severe. The crazy thing is, I still tolerate exercise extremely well. Several weeks ago, in fact, right before my last echo showed just how bad things really had become, I ran a half marathon without pushing too hard and still finished in the top 5% of the field. I really don't want that to sound like I'm trying to brag... I've been running a long time and a half is a fairly easy distance for me, so I wasn't out there trying to be a hero or anything... My point is just that we all seem to respond to our valve problems differently. I my case, my cardiologist feels that even though I don't have many symptoms and my legs could go out and do a marathon still, my heart is clearly struggling to match that and I'm putting myself at significant risk by waiting any longer. I want to go in to surgery on my terms, not because I have a sudden catastrophic failure. While I know it's a personal thing, for me, wondering is far worse than knowing (even if the news ain't all good). At least that way you can start to make a plan. Also, I'm sure you've thought of this already, but have you checked on the short term disability policies at your work or in your state? Even though I'll be out of work for a while (as will my wife, to take care of me), with these policies, the financial hit wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared. I hope my experience is in some way helpful for you.
I wish you all the best!! Good luck!!!