The benefit of an idiot friend

[Astro]

Recently I told my best friend that it is likely that I’ll need open heart surgery for an aortic valve replacement within the next 6 months. I’m a 45 year old guy with 3 kids and a leaky bicuspid aortic valve. Rather than receiving the expected response, “That’s no good mate”. My friend said that he had seen a video of open heart surgery,
“They get a bandsaw and go ‘zzzzzzz’ down your sternum” - accompanied by a sawing gesture in the air.
“Then they grab your ribs and go ‘rrrrrrrip’” - accompanied by a separating hands gesture.
“They get a bandsaw and go ‘zzzzzzz” down your sternum”
“Then they grab your ribs and go ‘rrrrrrrip’”
“They get a bandsaw and go ‘zzzzzzz” down your sternum”
“Then they grab your ribs and go ‘rrrrrrrip’”
He repeated over and over agin, each with full demonstration in the air.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Each time I saw him that evening, he repeated it again and I’ll start laughing again.

While I feel more than a bit apprehensive about the next few months, I find it really helpful to think about my friend’s demonstration. I still laugh whenever I think about it. It is hard to feel too down when you have a laugh.

I’m very grateful to have an idiot best friend.

 

[Protimenow]

Actually, it's more like a reciprocating saw.....and then they go rrrrip.

That's a good story. You'll probably keep thinking about until they put the mask on your face and put you out. (They may wonder why you're laughing all the way to the gas...)

 

[Keithl]

Ha, I was the guy when it told people what I was getting was then telling them they were going to use a buzzsaw, burn open my chest then rip apart my ribs and they were all like eewww....

 

[Protimenow]

And it used to be, when you told people you were going to have heart surgery, they seemed to conclude that you were getting some kind of bypass. Now, perhaps, they know enough to ask 'what kind of heart surgery?'

Of course, for many of us it may be hard to admit that you were born with a defect. (And this gives way to a predictable punchline from the people hearing it).

 

[Keithl]

Correct, 90% of the people I told thought I was getting bypass, I had to explain the birth defect and genetics.

 

[Duffey]

Just don’t think about it too much post-surgery. Laughing hurts!

 

[Protimenow]

Correct, 90% of the people I told thought I was getting bypass, I had to explain the birth defect and genetics.

And they wonder which leg you expect them to harvest the vessel from.

 

[gerrychuck]

On the more serious side of this issue, visualizing that whole process as described by the idiot friend is the one thing my kids had problems with when my surgery happened very unexpectedly and dramatically 7 years ago. My military pilot son told my wife that was the one place he just couldn't go mentally as they were waiting through my surgery and afterward, and trust me, he (and his wife, and my younger son, and my wife) were all absolute rocks through those days otherwise. For myself, it doesn't bother me to think about it, but it doesn't seem real either, despite the zipper down my chest. The mind is a funny thing!

 

[tom in MO]

At a meeting at work, I told them I was going to be out for about 6 weeks to get a "valve job". They were confused since it doesn't take that long to get a valve job done on an engine. I had to explain it was for my heart...

 

[Protimenow]

You can explain that they fixed the engine, but it took a while to tune things up, adjust the timing, check the fluids, and return you to high performance.

 

[Paleowoman]

Before I had OHS I imagined my chest being opened something a bit like is shown in the film Alien. Ribs raised up and spread open. Then last year I saw a whole OHS live on UK television - saw how actually it was not nearly so dramatic - the saw was very quick down the sternum, very quick, and then a retractor just moved the two sides of the sternum apart so the surgeon could reach the heart, through quite a small space really - it didn't seem like the ribs were raised as I'd imagined ! Of course we know, from how it feels post surgery, that the ribs do hurt and the muscles do hurt, even the shoulders hurt as everything is connected (huh, mine still hurt over five years later) but it isn't so dramatic.

 

[pellicle]

Correct, 90% of the people I told thought I was getting bypass, I had to explain the birth defect and genetics.

...and they probably still tell others when asked "Oh, Keith is getting a bypass"

Because thry probably dont even know what that means...

 

[Jennie]

This had me laughing!!! I called it my "Slice and Dice" - breaking me open like a Maryland crab! And my "valve job". 17 years later, I still can't read the full surgery report. I bail about a few sentences in, it's too graphic.... I can't watch these things on TV either.