True enough, Mary. I'm not good that way, I readily admit. I hate suspense. And this is definitely a suspension bridge I'm looking at.
To me, suspense is a cheap form of manipulation, like playground bullies playing keep-away with some kid's lunch. Much of it is preventable, and usually has more to do with power or outright callousness than necessity.
I also don't want to walk into the cardio's office cold. Without some probable background information, I can't determine whether what he will recommend is in what I see as in my best interests, or just "formula." Without some data, I can't respond or discuss the approach.
For instance, without having some information on PH, if he should just start me on long-term drug therapy, rather than seeking a source and possible rescue, how would I know if he was attempting to cure it, or just resigning to control it? I want to look for an out before following a route of acceptance.
Not having PH would be nice. If he says I don't have it, I believe I can accept that gracefully ( ). After all, my original conclusion from the data was that I was somehow aortically stenosed again, which doesn't seem to be the case, so I was already wrong about that. Possible embarrassment takes a back seat to possible unpreparedness for me. That does allow for "jumping to concussions" occasionally.
What I don't want to do is stand there in shock and not be able to assess the data, diagnosis, and prescriptions he provides. I get limited time with him, and appointments are liable to be separated by weeks, during which I may be expected to take drugs or tests that I might later think may not be appropriate, and won't have the retroactive ability to discuss with him.
I can understand and appreciate the value of not worrying over things I can't change or that I may not have adequate information to be concerned about. However, based on the small elevation a year ago and the continuation of that trend now, there is definitely something askew with my machinery, regardless of whether the echocardiograph is or isn't functioning perfectly. To have an opportunity to understand the more likely possibilities before the meeting with the cardiologist is worth a little accompanying angst to me.
I appreciate the warmth and kindness of the posts from everyone. I sincerely hope I can feel foolish about this later, and prove you right.
Best wishes,
To me, suspense is a cheap form of manipulation, like playground bullies playing keep-away with some kid's lunch. Much of it is preventable, and usually has more to do with power or outright callousness than necessity.
I also don't want to walk into the cardio's office cold. Without some probable background information, I can't determine whether what he will recommend is in what I see as in my best interests, or just "formula." Without some data, I can't respond or discuss the approach.
For instance, without having some information on PH, if he should just start me on long-term drug therapy, rather than seeking a source and possible rescue, how would I know if he was attempting to cure it, or just resigning to control it? I want to look for an out before following a route of acceptance.
Not having PH would be nice. If he says I don't have it, I believe I can accept that gracefully ( ). After all, my original conclusion from the data was that I was somehow aortically stenosed again, which doesn't seem to be the case, so I was already wrong about that. Possible embarrassment takes a back seat to possible unpreparedness for me. That does allow for "jumping to concussions" occasionally.
What I don't want to do is stand there in shock and not be able to assess the data, diagnosis, and prescriptions he provides. I get limited time with him, and appointments are liable to be separated by weeks, during which I may be expected to take drugs or tests that I might later think may not be appropriate, and won't have the retroactive ability to discuss with him.
I can understand and appreciate the value of not worrying over things I can't change or that I may not have adequate information to be concerned about. However, based on the small elevation a year ago and the continuation of that trend now, there is definitely something askew with my machinery, regardless of whether the echocardiograph is or isn't functioning perfectly. To have an opportunity to understand the more likely possibilities before the meeting with the cardiologist is worth a little accompanying angst to me.
I appreciate the warmth and kindness of the posts from everyone. I sincerely hope I can feel foolish about this later, and prove you right.
Best wishes,