B
Birky
My Dr. told me to wait at least 5 years before having sex. My husband caught on to that really quick. This topic has given me a lot of laughs. You are fun people,
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N
NC-Cutie
Marcia,
You said that as a joke, but right now I am feeling that It will be 5 years or more before I have sex if I ever do. My man keeps saying it will happen, just give myself time, but I don't know how much longer he can wait.
You said that as a joke, but right now I am feeling that It will be 5 years or more before I have sex if I ever do. My man keeps saying it will happen, just give myself time, but I don't know how much longer he can wait.
B
bethanne
Leave it to my VR.COM friends to give me a great reason for heart surgery with great things to look forward to! 
Ross
Well-known member
NC-Cutie said:
Your being stubborn! Go get some help and deal with these issues before they destroy you. Your fears are completely unfounded. Your letting them rule your life. You need to be the master, not the other way around.
N
NC-Cutie
Ross,
My doctor told me that I am not abnormal. He said that 65% of OHS patients suffer anxiety and fears after surgery.
My doctor told me that I am not abnormal. He said that 65% of OHS patients suffer anxiety and fears after surgery.
Ross
Well-known member
I'm not saying your abnormal. I'm saying you need to get some help in dealing with these issues. Yes what your going through is normal, how your dealing with them is not.
I'm not being mean, just concerned.
I'm not being mean, just concerned.
N
NC-Cutie
Thanks Ross. I know you're not being mean. I appreciate the concern. In fact, I'm concerned myself. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to have to go to rehab just because I'm afraid to have sex and afraid to drive when someone is in the car with me. That seems so trival to me. I have always been so strong and able to work through anything that came my way, but this is getting the best of me.
Ross
Well-known member
Listen to me. I'm the first person on this earth that doesn't want to seek help for my fears. My last surgery was nearly the end of my life. Believe me, I had issues and they (The Doctors) didn't wait for me to ask for help, they were there giving it to me like it or not. I was mad at the time, but I'll tell you what, if they hadn't done what they did, I would be a real basket case.
Please talk to a psychologist and let them help you sort this out. Your torturing yourself and it doesn't need to be this way.
Please talk to a psychologist and let them help you sort this out. Your torturing yourself and it doesn't need to be this way.
hensylee
Well-known member
"You said that as a joke, but right now I am feeling that It will be 5 years or more before I have sex if I ever do. My man keeps saying it will happen, just give myself time, but I don't know how much longer he can wait."
Isn't it a blue pill that guys have? Well, there are some for the fairer sex (no pun meant) too. I see it advertised on TV all the time. Why not look it up on the net. Can't hurt to read about it - and you might want to take the plunge then...................
uh oh
Isn't it a blue pill that guys have? Well, there are some for the fairer sex (no pun meant) too. I see it advertised on TV all the time. Why not look it up on the net. Can't hurt to read about it - and you might want to take the plunge then...................
uh oh
G
Guest
*sighs*
Man oh man oh man.
Am I the only one in here who hasn't....?
*blushes*
Oh, well....it'll happen some day, right?
Aye.
Luckily for me, this topic doesn't bother me as much as it did a couple years ago. My 1st (and so far only) gf had told me that we'd "experiment" when the time was right. Well, after she dumped me, she told me she just never found the "right" time.
Uh huh. And Chevrolet made the Monte Carlo after 1988.
*shakes head*
But, now, reading some of your more serious posts on this matter, I wonder if the "time was never right" because she was afraid of what might happen to me? I never really ever considered that as a possibility, but that very well could be...as opposed to her not wanting me that way at all.
Hmmm...
*sighs*
Ah, too be young again and experience life a bit more "normally"....LOL!
Man oh man oh man.
Am I the only one in here who hasn't....?
*blushes*
Oh, well....it'll happen some day, right?
Aye.
Luckily for me, this topic doesn't bother me as much as it did a couple years ago. My 1st (and so far only) gf had told me that we'd "experiment" when the time was right. Well, after she dumped me, she told me she just never found the "right" time.
Uh huh. And Chevrolet made the Monte Carlo after 1988.
*shakes head*
But, now, reading some of your more serious posts on this matter, I wonder if the "time was never right" because she was afraid of what might happen to me? I never really ever considered that as a possibility, but that very well could be...as opposed to her not wanting me that way at all.
Hmmm...
*sighs*
Ah, too be young again and experience life a bit more "normally"....LOL!
H
Harpoon
NC-cutie,
Maybe it's time you asked your cardiologist about a referal to a psychiatrist, or at least asked for HIS (or HER) opinion on the matter.
Get up from the computer right now and go climb a flight of stairs and come back, go ahead, do it RIGHT NOW.
How do you feel?
Winded? Relaxed? Out of breath? Fine?
If you don't feel like you're going to pass out or like you just finished a marathon, your body (AND YOUR HEART) can tolerate sexual intercourse.
That's it.
Everything else is a head game.
You went through hell and back. All of the people here with artificial valves did that. You were scared, so was I, you fought for your life, so did I.
I got better, and you did too. If not, you wouldn't be here talking about having sex, you'd be talking about fighting to live, about heart failure or breathing difficulties or all other kinds of bad things that can happen when a valve replacement DOESN'T solve the problem.
The hard part is over with. You "climbed the mountain" as a lot of people here call it, you successed, you won!!!
Enjoy your new life.
Talk to a doctor if you need to though I think they'll say the same thing.
Maybe it's time you asked your cardiologist about a referal to a psychiatrist, or at least asked for HIS (or HER) opinion on the matter.
Get up from the computer right now and go climb a flight of stairs and come back, go ahead, do it RIGHT NOW.
How do you feel?
Winded? Relaxed? Out of breath? Fine?
If you don't feel like you're going to pass out or like you just finished a marathon, your body (AND YOUR HEART) can tolerate sexual intercourse.
That's it.
Everything else is a head game.
You went through hell and back. All of the people here with artificial valves did that. You were scared, so was I, you fought for your life, so did I.
I got better, and you did too. If not, you wouldn't be here talking about having sex, you'd be talking about fighting to live, about heart failure or breathing difficulties or all other kinds of bad things that can happen when a valve replacement DOESN'T solve the problem.
The hard part is over with. You "climbed the mountain" as a lot of people here call it, you successed, you won!!!
Enjoy your new life.
Talk to a doctor if you need to though I think they'll say the same thing.
Mark Wagner
Well-known member
I'm married. What's sex?????????????????
K
Karlynn
Well, when this topic started, I looked it up in the dictionary. Read the explanation to my husband, and we both agreed we kind of remember something like it years ago.
NC - We've all had a lot of fun with this topic and I think that is the point. You have a newly revamped heart that is going to allow you to have fun with your life. What a waist all our surgeries would be if we didn't embrace life (inspite of our fears, because we all had/have them) and live it with joy.
There are many on this site that have sought out help from doctors (or had it presented to them) to get us over the hump of depression after surgery. It's just good, sound, responsible medical care. Some things we are just not able to get over on our own. If you drive your car w/out oil in it, you'll burn out your engine. You need to get some oil!
This is the INTERNET folks...
This is the INTERNET folks...
NC-CUTIE -- Congratulations -- you have succeeded in getting many VR.COM members to share some of their most private and intimate sexual moments with their partners for all the world to see. This was done in good faith by my fellow members to try to help you with your 'fear' of having sex. So far, you've refused every bit of advice shown you.
Was it a 'bait' when you referred to yourself as a 'Bad Girl' in the bedroom? I think so...
We don't even know for sure that you are of the female persuasion. We don't know that this isn't a MAN/MAN or a GIRL/GIRL situation. If it is, fine!
We don't even know that you're not a twisted pervert out there getting your jollies from reading about other people's sex lives.
My original suggestion to you remains.....go masterbate and have that BIG O (as Ben suggested) or that BIG C...whatever!
Then come back and let us know you lived....
This is the INTERNET folks...
NC-CUTIE -- Congratulations -- you have succeeded in getting many VR.COM members to share some of their most private and intimate sexual moments with their partners for all the world to see. This was done in good faith by my fellow members to try to help you with your 'fear' of having sex. So far, you've refused every bit of advice shown you.
Was it a 'bait' when you referred to yourself as a 'Bad Girl' in the bedroom? I think so...
We don't even know for sure that you are of the female persuasion. We don't know that this isn't a MAN/MAN or a GIRL/GIRL situation. If it is, fine!
We don't even know that you're not a twisted pervert out there getting your jollies from reading about other people's sex lives.
My original suggestion to you remains.....go masterbate and have that BIG O (as Ben suggested) or that BIG C...whatever!
Then come back and let us know you lived....
D
dwfreck
NC-Cutie,
With respect to whether or not your man can wait, there's a lot of "sexual activties" the two of you can engage in that aren't particularly strenuous, and which may satisfy his and your needs. Of course, I'm sure you'll worry about whether or not the less-strenuous activities will lead to something more strenuous (I'm a worrier too, sometimes, and I've been where you are now)...
For a few years now, I've been living with the classic symptoms of a bad aortic valve: shortness of breath and/or chest pain during certain kinds of physical exertion. The level of exertion has gradually gotten lower and lower over the years, yet I've continued to have sex as often as I can, within the usual limits of married and family life. There have been only three times when I have over-exerted myself during sex; each time I was VERY uncomfortable, but I rested and recovered. My heart and body gave me clear and unambiguous warning signs that I was pushing myself too far; I've learned to identify the warning signs much earlier in the game so I don't get as close to overexertion. Your body will give you the same warning signs. You're probably already familiar with them since you're in the process of recovery.
It sounds like your man is a sensitive and caring person who understands your situation and your concerns. I'm sure the two of you can talk about it, and arrange, in advance, to put on the brakes if you start to feel physically uncomfortable. For that matter, I wouldn't be surprised if you and your man already have an unspoken agreement to stop if either one of you has any kind of physical discomfort during sex, whether related to your hearts or some other parts of your bodies.
Finally, I'll launch into my standar lecture on the proper use of medical professionals: Don't be afraid to talk to your doctors about your concerns and fears, whether you think they're rational or irrational, trivial or non-trivial, personal or impersonal. You're paying your doctors a small fortune for their services; make sure you get your money's worth. Your doctors can only help what they've been told about. In my experience, most doctors appreciate a full and candid explanation of what their patients are feeling, and they're never shocked by what they hear.
With respect to whether or not your man can wait, there's a lot of "sexual activties" the two of you can engage in that aren't particularly strenuous, and which may satisfy his and your needs. Of course, I'm sure you'll worry about whether or not the less-strenuous activities will lead to something more strenuous (I'm a worrier too, sometimes, and I've been where you are now)...
For a few years now, I've been living with the classic symptoms of a bad aortic valve: shortness of breath and/or chest pain during certain kinds of physical exertion. The level of exertion has gradually gotten lower and lower over the years, yet I've continued to have sex as often as I can, within the usual limits of married and family life. There have been only three times when I have over-exerted myself during sex; each time I was VERY uncomfortable, but I rested and recovered. My heart and body gave me clear and unambiguous warning signs that I was pushing myself too far; I've learned to identify the warning signs much earlier in the game so I don't get as close to overexertion. Your body will give you the same warning signs. You're probably already familiar with them since you're in the process of recovery.
It sounds like your man is a sensitive and caring person who understands your situation and your concerns. I'm sure the two of you can talk about it, and arrange, in advance, to put on the brakes if you start to feel physically uncomfortable. For that matter, I wouldn't be surprised if you and your man already have an unspoken agreement to stop if either one of you has any kind of physical discomfort during sex, whether related to your hearts or some other parts of your bodies.
Finally, I'll launch into my standar lecture on the proper use of medical professionals: Don't be afraid to talk to your doctors about your concerns and fears, whether you think they're rational or irrational, trivial or non-trivial, personal or impersonal. You're paying your doctors a small fortune for their services; make sure you get your money's worth. Your doctors can only help what they've been told about. In my experience, most doctors appreciate a full and candid explanation of what their patients are feeling, and they're never shocked by what they hear.
L
LoriSue
I know one thing for sure now! I will definitely be looking forward to being fixed and being able to enjoy a real life again! Sex is another one of those things that has been put on the back burner because of how crappy I have felt. I just haven't felt like "doing" it. I am more worried about doing it now than doing it after the surgery. If I pass out just from feeding my horses I can't imagine what would happen in the "heat of the moment". LOL
I had never even considered it until now. I now have another reason to look forward to having a new valve!
I agree with the others NC-Cutie: get a therapist to help you overcome the post op depression, cardio rehab is important to consider for more than just emotional reasons, and take a test run flying solo (if you know what I mean) For cripe's sakes...if you are the only one in the room it is completely within your control and you can stop if you feel you need to, get the idea?
Certainly listen to the advice of those who have been there before you....this is value information you can't get anywhere else and can make all the difference in the world to your recovery. It is a new lease on life for you....take advantage of it and be happy that you have a future of health and happiness to look forward to.
I don't know.....it is just my opinion...take it for what it is worth.
Lori
I had never even considered it until now. I now have another reason to look forward to having a new valve!
I agree with the others NC-Cutie: get a therapist to help you overcome the post op depression, cardio rehab is important to consider for more than just emotional reasons, and take a test run flying solo (if you know what I mean) For cripe's sakes...if you are the only one in the room it is completely within your control and you can stop if you feel you need to, get the idea?
Certainly listen to the advice of those who have been there before you....this is value information you can't get anywhere else and can make all the difference in the world to your recovery. It is a new lease on life for you....take advantage of it and be happy that you have a future of health and happiness to look forward to.
I don't know.....it is just my opinion...take it for what it is worth.
Lori
Mark Wagner
Well-known member
I'll tell you with all seriousness, the only thing that bothered me with sex after valve surgery was the clicking. You get excited and the valve of course clicks faster. My wife would laugh, because I had to stop the first couple of times, because I felt so embarassed! That's okay, because a month or so later, I never even noticed it anymore.
The only problem is now, when I look at some good looking lady out shopping, Charyl hears that thing start to click faster, and I get slapped. I'm tired of walking around with two black eyes!!!
Mark
That's okay, because a month or so later, I never even noticed it anymore. The only problem is now, when I look at some good looking lady out shopping, Charyl hears that thing start to click faster, and I get slapped. I'm tired of walking around with two black eyes!!!
Mark
Ross
Well-known member
Yeah well you may walk around with two black eyes, but do you have any idea what I look like Blue from when the wifi kinks my O2 line and threatens my very existence?
hensylee
Well-known member
Janie - what the heck is a BIG O and a BIG C? Do they only have those in Texas?
R
Raverlaw
WHOA!
Janie, better answer Hensylee with PM.
Janie, better answer Hensylee with PM.
