Sex After Heart Surgery

[Guest]

*raises eyebrow*

*blushes a bit*

*scrambles to grab piece of paper*

*hurriedly jots down notes*

Heh...after all, I gotta remember all this when I finally find a gf . He he he......

*pauses*

Yes, as some of ya'll may remember, I _did_ have 1 gf a couple years ago, but we never, uh, well, you know...lol.

*blushes again*

Cort, "Mr Road Trip"/"The Uniter", 30swm w/pig valve & pacemaker
member & newsletter editor, Faith COB = http://www.faithcob.org
"Mr MC"'s Family...& train & models = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
RIP = '76, Parents' [my] MC ... '88 MC LS ... '00 "mc" LS
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MC's Future = http://www.projectmonte.com/petition/

 

[Ross]

Cort you devil you! I'm still praying for that right someone to come stumbling at your feet.

Nessie you need to see someone about these fears. They are controlling you, you are not controling them. I think it would be beneficial for you to get some help in dealing with this.

 

[labguides]

Our daughter was told that sex would be OK as soon as she could walk 2 flights of stairs.

I agree with others -- nurses at cardiac rehab are great at answering questions and reassuring that everything is progressing normally.

 

[SJJ]

Nessie,
I agree with Ross. Your doctor has suggested an antidepressant, I mentioned in another thread that Welbutrin is one possible choice which would also have the added advantage of minimizing your desire to smoke (if it's compatible with Coumadin). You could be depressed from nicotine withdrawal alone (some people respond his way) not to mention OHS. Having read several of your posts in other forums as well, at this point, I would also strongly encourage you to find some theraputic support. I merely suggested it before. As a health professional you shouldn't have the misinformed aversion to therapy that some people have and should be aware of what an invaluable tool it can be in helping folks through difficult transitions in their lives. I think your fears are nearing a point where they're beginning to interfere with your recovery process and you are suffering needlessly. If you could have eradicated your anxieties on your own, you would have done so by now, get some help, we want to see you happy and engaged with your life instead of fretting on the sidelines.
Sue

 

[ShezaGirlie]

I thought how soon you had sex after surgery depended upon if you had a private room or not...

Oops, back to the kitchen for me....

 

[dawnwit15]

Go for it

Go for it

As Labguides said in her response to your thread, if you can walk up 2 flights of stairs you can have sex. My doc told me the same thing.
I was so stressed prior to surgery I wasn't really "in the mood" so 3 weeks after surgery was finished and I started feeling better I craved that intimacy. I was also very frightened. Just express your fears to your partner and take it slow the first time. As the others have said, it's the same as exercise. Relax and allow yourself to enjoy it. Nothing bad will happen to you.
dawnwit15

 

[Rain]

Cardiac rehab

Cardiac rehab

Hey Cutie,

I was afraid to walk very far from my house, right after surgery. I was afraid something would happen to me. As long as I had my car or was at home, I was fine. I did all kinds of things I shouldn?t have then... but for some reason I was afraid of being away from home and I was afraid of getting my heart rate to high. When I told my cardio this... he picked up a pen and started writing a prescription for cardiac-rehab. It?s the best thing that ever happened to me. I got over the fear of raising my heart rate and it was worth a million having the nurse there to ask questions. Not to mention that it got me hooked on exercising three days a week.

I don?t think you?re as ?messed up? as you think you are. When I was five weeks post op, I know I?d have been scared to death to think of all the things I would eventually live through with my mechanical valve. In the four short years I?ve had it..... My oldest son got married only five months after my surgery! Six months later my wonderful Mom died. (I?m the baby of eight). My younger son was diagnosed with Marfan?s and a dilated aorta. Older son graduated from college and moved to CA.

You?ll be amazed. Life will return to normal. Give yourself a little more time to adjust. Another thing I did was write in a journal. I started with the day my cardio told me my heart wouldn?t survive surgery..... and wrote in it for a few months after the surgery. I don?t even know when I stopped writing in it. I?m sure it was about the time I started to feel like a ?normal? person again. I haven?t read it since I wrote it... I?m not ready to relive that period of my life. It helped to write it at the time.

But SEX!! Come on, girlfriend.... don?t cheat yourself out of sex!!! And this is your perfect opportunity to drive that man in your life crazy!! You will be in total control of what?s going on.....how fast, how slow, what position.... have fun with it! Torment him! lol Allen had the right idea....soft music, candles, wine and slo mo. Slow, soft, gentle, slow, very slow.... and 'make love'....... not 'have sex'.

Cort, you?re such a doll. There?s one very lucky lady out there waiting for you.

 

[Harpoon]

I... Aahh... Ummm...

Ahem...


Yeah.


My wife and I were pretty "active" before I started getting sick. We stopped about five months before I had surgery because it was just so hard for me to do just about everything I tried to do...


I think we tried about a week and after I got home from the hospital (10 weeks post-op, but I had a rough time in the hospital) and she was constantly checking on me.


What we discovered pretty quickly, was that I COULD do just about anything I wanted and that it felt good to be able to do it. The clicking is VERY noticable. She can tell I'm getting exciting just by listening now.

You will hear doctors and nurses say that sex is a good cardiovascular workout. it's "low impact" and burns all kinds of calories and there are some pretty obvious emoptional benefits... =)

Go slow at first, go at your own pace and just relax with it. Don't try to do everything at once either, maybe the first "encounter" you guys have is just foreplay. Climb under the sheets and just BE there, cuddle time is important too and it's probably best to go that slowly, to just ease into things.

The rest will fall into place as you feel comfortable.


Frnakly, I think my wife and I are MORE active now, post-op, than we ever were before surgery, even when we first became sexually active....

 

[Guest]

Ross,

Thank you. But I hope she doesn't stumble. I don't want her hurting herself just for me . LOL!


Rain,

Why thank you, my darlin' . Maybe I'll meet someone in Denver...? *Dons angel halo*


Janie,

LOL! I didn't have a private room, but that one nurse....aye. I don't think I need to say more .

 

[Karlynn]

Shhhh, don't tell my husband.

Shhhh, don't tell my husband.

I have a funny, if not a tad colorful, story.

Before my valve surgery I was in the CICU to be taken off all my meds and have an EPS done (electrophysiological study - a nasty test that I don't care to repeat). My heart was so fast and irregular coming off the meds. I was miserable. I just lay in the hospital bed wishing it would beat regularly for just a minute or two. My husband comes in and says " Wow, look at your monitor" My rate was pretty high and jumpy. He says "Let's see what this does to your heart!!"...... and he flashes me. My heart rate dropped below 100 (first time since I was taken off the meds) and beat regularly for about 5 minutes. My husband started laughing and said "Well, that's a real blow to my ego! But I think I just cured you."

 

[Raverlaw]

My hospital discharge instructions said that "sexual relations may be resumed three weeks after surgery." I had my chest cracked, mind you, (no heart port for me) and the sternum is the only concern I have.

There's no way you can "over-excite" your new valve. It's made to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. At your age, your maximum heart rate far exceeds anything you're going to work up during sex, so go for it.

If you were sexually active before your sugery, you're certainly capable of at least the same level of activity now that you're *fixed*

 

[Gemma]

Jim's hospital told him pretty much the same - do it when you feel ready, for most people it's about 2-4 weeks after going home - umm, guess that's the average .
More importantly, sex has been scientifically proven to boost your immune system, fight off colds, and release endorphins which make you happy!!
Give your man a call and get him to come visit!! (and if the ticking sound bothers you put on some music, and keep the lights on - dark rooms tend to make you focus more on what you can hear!!)
Gemma.

 

[hensylee]

uh.....well, er.......um...

Like Cort, I don't recall.........But I will pray for you Cort -

Don't pray for me, tho. I already been there, done that.

Hearts need exercise, too, don't they?

 

[ShezaGirlie]

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

I'm still laughing Karlynn!

May I call your husband next time my heartrate gets up?



NC-CUTIE -- In all seriousness -- have you considered masturbating? That way, you're in charge and you could build up your confidence slowly whilst knowing you wouldn't be 'disappointing' anyone. And more importantly as you said, "I want to try and conquer these fears on my own."

Fear of the unknown is powerful stuff.

 

[weekycat]

I can't believe I'm going to tell you all...

I can't believe I'm going to tell you all...

This is a little embarrassing.. but I felt that in the interest of science, (and perhaps to encourage those in the waiting room ), I would tell you of my experience.

I came home from the hospital on my 8th day post-mitral valve repair. I Went to my step-son's graduation the next day.. an anniversary party the next.. and that night...10 days post-op...

..believe it or not.. we (gasp) DID "it", (Very carefully and gently). I'm not sure that I would necessarily recommend it that early.. just thought I'd let y'all know that we did.. and I didn't die or anything.

Keep in mind though, that we were newlyweds.... we'd been married for exactly 20 mos. when I had my surgery.

 

[Ross]

Man everyones doing it but me!

 

[ShezaGirlie]

Now Dr. Rosso!

Now Dr. Rosso!

If you'd give up your new career as a Proctologist you might get some offers... **see avatar**

 

[Ross]

How about this one instead?

 

[ShezaGirlie]

Is that your gas mask??

 

[LUVMyBirman]

ROFLMAO!!!!! Your avatar reminds me of a movie. Now what was it?