N
nadi
I just receive this from a freind and immediately thought Ross's "grandchildren" might need a little help in the proper way to behave
LOL
Nadine
Rules for Cat behavior
BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do
anything. Just sit and stare.
DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door
open, stand on
hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is
opened, it is not
necessary to use it. After you have ordered an
"outside" door opened,
stand halfway in and out and think about several
things. This is
particularly important during very cold weather, rain,
snow, or
mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If
you cannot manage
in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no
Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing
up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as
long as a human's bare foot.
HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and
the other is
idle, stay with the busy one. This is called
"helping", otherwise known as
"hampering". Following are the rules for "hampering":
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left
heel of the
cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better
chance of being stepped
on and then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin,
between eyes and
book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most
appropriate manner so as
to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least
pretend to doze,
but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or
pen.
4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes
or Christmas
cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on
the paper being
worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side
of the table.
When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the
papers, scattering them
to the best of your ability. After being removed for
the second time,
push pens, pencils and erasers off the table, one at a
time.
5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of
him/her, be sure
to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk,
walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay
in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
possible in front
of the human, especially on stairs, when they have
something in their
arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the
morning. This will help
their coordination skills.
BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot
move around.
LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much
litter out of the
box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter
between their toes.
HIDING:
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans
cannot find you.
Do not come out for three to four hours under any
circumstances. This
will cause the humans to panic (which they love),
thinking that you have
run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans
will cover you with
love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
their face, turn
around, and present your butt to them. Humans love
this, so do it
often. And don't forget guests.
LOLNadine
Rules for Cat behavior
BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do
anything. Just sit and stare.
DOORS:
Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door
open, stand on
hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is
opened, it is not
necessary to use it. After you have ordered an
"outside" door opened,
stand halfway in and out and think about several
things. This is
particularly important during very cold weather, rain,
snow, or
mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If
you cannot manage
in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no
Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing
up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as
long as a human's bare foot.
HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and
the other is
idle, stay with the busy one. This is called
"helping", otherwise known as
"hampering". Following are the rules for "hampering":
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left
heel of the
cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better
chance of being stepped
on and then picked up and comforted.
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin,
between eyes and
book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most
appropriate manner so as
to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least
pretend to doze,
but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or
pen.
4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes
or Christmas
cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on
the paper being
worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side
of the table.
When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the
papers, scattering them
to the best of your ability. After being removed for
the second time,
push pens, pencils and erasers off the table, one at a
time.
5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of
him/her, be sure
to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk,
walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay
in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
possible in front
of the human, especially on stairs, when they have
something in their
arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the
morning. This will help
their coordination skills.
BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot
move around.
LITTER BOX:
When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much
litter out of the
box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter
between their toes.
HIDING:
Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans
cannot find you.
Do not come out for three to four hours under any
circumstances. This
will cause the humans to panic (which they love),
thinking that you have
run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans
will cover you with
love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT:
Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
their face, turn
around, and present your butt to them. Humans love
this, so do it
often. And don't forget guests.
