Pre-surgery "friend" removal.

[queness]

sticky friends

sticky friends

Mostly I have been pleasantly surprised by the friends who have stood by me through my very complicated ordeal. One of my nieces, almost 17 y/o, and very sensitive, did come to see me that first very difficult weekend in ICU and had a very hard time seeing her aunt hooked up to all those wires and tubes. She did come back into the room to say goodbye, I know that was hard for her. she would have come down to see me now that I am(finally) home, but they all are getting over the flue.

One old friend sat with my mom and partner through my second 8 hour open heart surgery. I call her a true friend, but she always has been.

One of my sisters never called me. She did not even call when she said she would. I finally called her from rehab where I could have my cell phone. When she did talk she just spoke about how hard a time she was having with her job. I said goodbye. she is the one who always seems to be having a hard time and wants to tell you all about it, even if you are having open heart surgery. It kind of hurt, but I know how she is, all the rest of us agree that she's just that way. when its a sister, you can't just get rid of her.

 

[dmoses1]

Some people are morbidly afraid--and fear can sometimes paralyze.

My favorite aunt was sick for a looooooong time. My mother would call and give me updates, but I could not bring myself to go and visit her.

I saw her once before she died; but, I never went back. I loved her, but I could not go to see her (some of the reasons were family related and some fear related). But, I know of all the people in the world, she forgives me and loves me still. What a testament to the Christian she was.

Sometimes people just don't know what to say, or do. They are so afraid they'll be offensive (and say something you're uncomfortable with), or that they'll do the wrong thing (and cause a problem), that they just stay away.

Sometimes, even in our pain . . . we have to do the reaching out . . . people are people, and people have fears. Also, different people have different things that they are good at. I am not the friend you want to come and help you clean your house (I am obviously not good at it, or mine would be cleaner). But, I am the friend who will talk to you whenever you need encouragement, and remind you that God is still faithful and still cares and that you are still his Child--and He never abandons His children.

Try to remember that it is hard for someone who cares about you to see you in anguish. And sometimes, friends can tell when they just keep saying or doing the wrong things (and back away to keep you from getting so upset--'cause it's the last thing you need). I have had to choose between friendship with a person and that person's well-being, before: it's a hard choice. But I don't regret it.



I have not been where you all have been, so I am speaking objectively. Please forgive me if I have offended anyone.

 

[dmoses1]

Glad

Glad

I'm glad I read this post, though. I have a friend who lost her mother recently (her father died about 4 years ago). She nursed them both before they passed.

When she called to tell me, I left work and went right over. But, I don't think I handled it right. Another of her friends and I talked about old times at high school and where different people were, now.

We were trying to take her mind off the issue; but I fear I appeared callous and uncaring. We have only spoken twice since then; but I believe she has decided not to speak with me because of my "callousness."

I am trying to reach her now, and will not give up until I am able to apologize to her. She may not want to be my friend anymore, but I believe she deserves to know what happened--and that I know what I have done.

Thank you, guys, very much.