K
KristiinSD
I have ended two friendships in the weeks before surgery. I have little tolerance for toxicity right now....
Kristi
surgery 9/29/05
Kristi
surgery 9/29/05
Help Support Valve Replacement Forums:
Ross
Well-known member
Doesn't sound like they were friends to start with. Be careful, I know you feel volatile right now, but you may need some of them in the long run. 
hensylee
Well-known member
Kristi - I am so sorry. I hope they were not very close friends, because friends are very hard to come by. A professional once told me that at the end of our lives, most can count on one hand the # of true friends we have had during our life. We have many acquaintances, but few real friends. Many 'friends' turn out not to be friends, don't they. If you want to talk about it, we are here for you to vent. You are very fragile just now and we understand that. Wish all our so-called friends did, too. But this is what VR is all about. Blessins....
G
Guest
Kristi,
As Ann mentioned, if you need to vent more about it to us, please feel welcomed to do so.
I remember in the weekend before my surgery ... and even a couple weeks after my surgery ... I had to question who my true friends really were. I found out, quick enough. But, some of those realizations really got me down ... until I realized that, in a couple of those cases, the friends were just trying to figure out how to deal with what was happening to me ... let alone trying to figure out how to support me....
Thoughts/prayers coming your way....
Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 32swm/pig valve/pacemaker
MC:family.IL.guide.future = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
chdQB = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/quilt.html
"Where have you gone?" ... Glen Campbell ... 'Still Within The Sound Of My Voice'
As Ann mentioned, if you need to vent more about it to us, please feel welcomed to do so.
I remember in the weekend before my surgery ... and even a couple weeks after my surgery ... I had to question who my true friends really were. I found out, quick enough. But, some of those realizations really got me down ... until I realized that, in a couple of those cases, the friends were just trying to figure out how to deal with what was happening to me ... let alone trying to figure out how to support me....
Thoughts/prayers coming your way....
Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 32swm/pig valve/pacemaker
MC:family.IL.guide.future = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
chdQB = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/quilt.html
"Where have you gone?" ... Glen Campbell ... 'Still Within The Sound Of My Voice'
R
rbl1999
I agree, going thru all of this is an eye opener. I have been very disappointed in a couple people that I thought were "good" friends that I have barely heard from since my surgery 9 weeks ago but also surprised at people who have been great that I didn't expect. You will find, as I have, that things bother you that ordinarily don't. And I also agree, it is hard to find a good frien, in today's society we have all become very self absolved, not a good thing!!! Try not to let it get you down, you have bigger things to worry about..Rose
Natanni
Well-known member
friends
friends
Hi Krisiti
My husband is having his AVR the same day as you and I will agree we have run into a few interesting people in this final countdown. We were at a large family/friend get together 2 wks ago, and a few of my husband's friends stood by and told him many "rat poison" fables, and "Oh...if I were you I wouldn't be going with that kind of valve..." It was so hard to hear, because they have no idea how he anguished over these things. I can't imagine what the look on my face was when I heard these comments, but he would just smile and keep on visiting. On the flip side, some of our friends have come out of the woodwork and offered just the 'being there' kind of support that we need now. Good luck and maybe those coulple of people will come around. Take care Krisiti
Ann
friends
Hi Krisiti
My husband is having his AVR the same day as you and I will agree we have run into a few interesting people in this final countdown. We were at a large family/friend get together 2 wks ago, and a few of my husband's friends stood by and told him many "rat poison" fables, and "Oh...if I were you I wouldn't be going with that kind of valve..." It was so hard to hear, because they have no idea how he anguished over these things. I can't imagine what the look on my face was when I heard these comments, but he would just smile and keep on visiting. On the flip side, some of our friends have come out of the woodwork and offered just the 'being there' kind of support that we need now. Good luck and maybe those coulple of people will come around. Take care Krisiti
Ann
Nancy
Well-known member
During the long course of Joe's illnesses, he has lost most all of his friends, as a matter of fact, I cannot think of one friend who has kept up the friendship, some relatives, and some who just distance themselves. We have two neighbors who inquire, but others hardly even speak, even after the ambulance has come on numerous occasions, and it was obvious that things were difficult. They did however, come out to gawk. A few medical professionals as well, have jumped ship.
Those who are there for him, we treasure, the daughters, the grandkids, the two nice neighbors, and the wonderful doctors who have helped him.
I used to feel badly for Joe. But I think that they are frightened about severe medical problems and don't know what say or do. And we're probably too busy to fool with them either.
Those who are there for him, we treasure, the daughters, the grandkids, the two nice neighbors, and the wonderful doctors who have helped him.
I used to feel badly for Joe. But I think that they are frightened about severe medical problems and don't know what say or do. And we're probably too busy to fool with them either.
G
geebee
I understand what you are going through. I had a really good friend (or so I thought) who seemed to be supportive during the first few days of my first surgery. After I came home, she got mad at my (then) husband because he voted for someone else in a club election. She then never came to see me at home. When I asked her about it a month or so later, she told me she was hurt that my husband "went against her". I asked her what that had to do with me and she just kept repeating the same excuse. She was so wrapped up in herself, she didn't even see that I had needed her support.
These are the times that true friends shine and fair weather friends get soggy.
These are the times that true friends shine and fair weather friends get soggy.
Mike
Well-known member
I had two close friends "dump" me when I got sick. Diana and I had always been there for them and went out of our way for them on numerous occasions but for some reason they couldn't handle it when I took sick. I'm grateful that the Lord replaced them with some other wonderfully helpful and faithful people along the way. However, it still hurts when we think of those we lost.
Mike
Mike
Ross
Well-known member
My very best friend, one I grew up with, refused to come to the hospital to see me. Absolutely refused. He would not come no matter what. I was hurt, felt betrayed and was very angry with him. I've since found out, that he was so convinced that I was going to die that he did not want those last images with all the tubes and alarms going off, to haunt him. I guess a few of you called to check on me were told to pray, so I guess while I was out on the mission, I had all of you in stitches?knightfan2691 said:
hensylee
Well-known member
we thought you might die, too. But the wires were burning trying to get news - day in, day out. Phone wires, too. Steve was really good about sending out those emails every single day. A worried bunch, here. And you've never even seen nearly all of us. We love you and that's why.
hensylee
Well-known member
I just left VR, went into my email, and found the following. For this thread, it is very fitting:
ONLY WHEN
Friendship is a rare jewel that shines,
Only when you give it a sunny smile
Friendship is a lock that opens,
Only when you unlock your true self to it
Friendship is a song, which is sung,
Only when you know its rhythm
Friendship is a dream, which comes true,
Only when you believe in it
Friendship is a sun, which rises,
Only when your heart has set on it
Friendship is a throne, on which you can sit,
Only when you share your kingdom with it
Friendship is a path, which you will find,
Only when you know you are lost
Friendship is a hand that holds yours,
Only when you extend yours
Friendship is an album of reminiscences, which you can leaf through,
Only when you cherish it
Friendship is a lamp, which lights,
Only when you know it will assuage your heart
Friendship is a lantern, which glows,
Only when you need the warmth of it
Friendship is a language, which you speak,
Only when you know the meaning of it
Friendship is a potpourri of feelings, which you can smell,
Only when you have a true friend?
ONLY WHEN
Friendship is a rare jewel that shines,
Only when you give it a sunny smile
Friendship is a lock that opens,
Only when you unlock your true self to it
Friendship is a song, which is sung,
Only when you know its rhythm
Friendship is a dream, which comes true,
Only when you believe in it
Friendship is a sun, which rises,
Only when your heart has set on it
Friendship is a throne, on which you can sit,
Only when you share your kingdom with it
Friendship is a path, which you will find,
Only when you know you are lost
Friendship is a hand that holds yours,
Only when you extend yours
Friendship is an album of reminiscences, which you can leaf through,
Only when you cherish it
Friendship is a lamp, which lights,
Only when you know it will assuage your heart
Friendship is a lantern, which glows,
Only when you need the warmth of it
Friendship is a language, which you speak,
Only when you know the meaning of it
Friendship is a potpourri of feelings, which you can smell,
Only when you have a true friend?
G
Guest
Ann,
Thanks for sharing that...very appropriate, imho.
Ross,
On the flip side of that type of experience, when my best friend died of an asthma attack in 1987, it was quite a shock to me. But, I was even more shocked to learn (from his parents) just how bad things were for him ... before the attack. He, from what we gather, knew how many problems I had ... he didn't want me to know how bad things were for him.... Talk about ironic....
And, even more ironic is that, for all of the friends "lost" (sadly ... and, as Mike mentioned, still hurts to think of losing those friends) I've found more on my many message boards/clubs ... and developed some lasting friendships just by meeting people from my message boards.....
Life is funny ... and, as always, irony rocks.
Thanks for sharing that...very appropriate, imho.
Ross,
On the flip side of that type of experience, when my best friend died of an asthma attack in 1987, it was quite a shock to me. But, I was even more shocked to learn (from his parents) just how bad things were for him ... before the attack. He, from what we gather, knew how many problems I had ... he didn't want me to know how bad things were for him.... Talk about ironic....
And, even more ironic is that, for all of the friends "lost" (sadly ... and, as Mike mentioned, still hurts to think of losing those friends) I've found more on my many message boards/clubs ... and developed some lasting friendships just by meeting people from my message boards.....
Life is funny ... and, as always, irony rocks.
Be well informed
Be well informed
Be your own best friend and read everything you can find about warfarin therapy.
Be well informed
Be your own best friend and read everything you can find about warfarin therapy.
Natanni said:Hi Krisiti
My husband is having his AVR the same day as you and I will agree we have run into a few interesting people in this final countdown. We were at a large family/friend get together 2 wks ago, and a few of my husband's friends stood by and told him many "rat poison" fables, and "Oh...if I were you I wouldn't be going with that kind of valve..." It was so hard to hear, because they have no idea how he anguished over these things. I can't imagine what the look on my face was when I heard these comments, but he would just smile and keep on visiting. On the flip side, some of our friends have come out of the woodwork and offered just the 'being there' kind of support that we need now. Good luck and maybe those coulple of people will come around. Take care Krisiti
Ann
Your true friends will be the ones who come to visit you in the hospital despite the horrible traffic to get there, the distance & time involved, the price of gas, the possibility that you may be asleep when they arrive, & so on. I had an "accident" in the bed during a visit. My friend excused herself while I was cleaned up, but came back in when they were finished. Now if that isn't loyalty, I don't know what is! I encourage you to reach out & try to mend those friendships before you climb the mountain. But if it can't happen, know we care about you here
I encourage you to reach out & try to mend those friendships before you climb the mountain. But if it can't happen, know we care about you here
C
Curtsmum
I have found alot of people i know to be self centered lately, or i dont know if it is just me because i felt nobody knew how i was feeling, not even my husband. When they cancelled my sons check-up it messed me up and i was put on a mild antidepressant. Iam not surgesting that is what you should do, i have found that it's helped me out alot and i can handle things a lot better.
K
Karlynn
For my own health, I had to cut off relationships with 2 friends who I found, even while I was going through the worst of my heart problems and deaths of my parents, expected me to be their shoulder, but did not know how to return the favor. Our time together was spent talking only about their lives.
I cherish my friendships that are true friendships. Sometimes you give, sometimes you receive. It was exhausting to be the only one giving, even when they should have realized that I really had little to give at times.
One came over 4 days after my Mom died suddenly of an aortic discection. She hugged me, asked how I was doing and then spent the next 2 hours talking about how awful her divorce was. That was the last time I talked with her. I was stunned at how oblivious she was to my pain and we had been friends for several years.
The good thing I got out of these 2 past friendships is that I am very conscious of making sure that I give as much as I receive. Great friendships are 2 way streets.
I cherish my friendships that are true friendships. Sometimes you give, sometimes you receive. It was exhausting to be the only one giving, even when they should have realized that I really had little to give at times.
One came over 4 days after my Mom died suddenly of an aortic discection. She hugged me, asked how I was doing and then spent the next 2 hours talking about how awful her divorce was. That was the last time I talked with her. I was stunned at how oblivious she was to my pain and we had been friends for several years.
The good thing I got out of these 2 past friendships is that I am very conscious of making sure that I give as much as I receive. Great friendships are 2 way streets.
Mama2Rylan
Well-known member
I think you find who your true friends are when you are going through a rough time...I found that out when I had my OHS in August...I had this girl who was suppose to be one of my best friends, well I didn't hear from her at all while I was in the hospital...then when I finally got out, I had to call her!!! When I did call her, she barely asked about what had happened with my surgery then started rambling on about her ex-boyfriend! I couldn't believe it!! At first I thought it wasn't that big of deal (maybe I was still in shock over her complete rudeness) but now when I talk to her, its the same thing! I'm not the one to completely end a friendship (which is kindof difficult to do since I have a group of girls that I am really close with and she is part of that group) but I do realize how important our friendship was to the both of us...so instead of cutting her off, I am distancing myself. I dont call her anymore and if she does call me, I rarely answer. It's a very difficult thing to do since I thought we were such good friends. But a good thing did come out of all of it, I did realize just how close I was with a couple other friends.
WendyD
Well-known member
When my husband Ernie had AVR a while ago we realised that there are definately different types of friends and relations.good wood, drift wood and totally dead wood and we really did end up doing a good "pruning" in our lives.
As other members have mentioned, people that you least expected will be there for you and some others that you thought you could rely on, are a total disappointment and just wrapped up in themselves.
Going through, and surviving major surgery does make you take a good look at your life, and re-assess everything, and maybe getting rid of "excess baggage" is a good thing in the long run, but sometimes difficult at the time.
Wishing you all the very best
Wendy
As other members have mentioned, people that you least expected will be there for you and some others that you thought you could rely on, are a total disappointment and just wrapped up in themselves.
Going through, and surviving major surgery does make you take a good look at your life, and re-assess everything, and maybe getting rid of "excess baggage" is a good thing in the long run, but sometimes difficult at the time.
Wishing you all the very best
Wendy
