Pre surgery depression

[laurad37]

I feel like I am feeling depressed about the upcoming surgery. I don't know if its the stress or the unknown or what it is. Is this normal?? It has been a rough year already (yes, i know its only Feb.). I lost my dad on January 4th, then not even two weeks later I find out that I needed a new heart valve, My Mother in law is battling breast cancer (is supposed to start Chemo in 2 weeks).

I feel like I have a plateful and I don't know how handle all of this. It's like, can't we spread all of this out a little. Why is this all happening now, at the same time?

When i first found out I needed this, I said " ok, lets get this show on the road and lets recover so I can be good to go by summer". And I just focused on how I was going to recover and look forward to feeling better. That was in January. It is just starting to set in that "oh my gosh, I have to go thru a pretty dramatic surgery in order to even get to the healing part". When I realized that, I think I started to panic. For the first time I was thinking about the actual surgery.

It has been very hard to go back to the thought of feeling better after recovery.

Is all of this normal or am I losing my mind?

Laura

 

[Lionheart]

Hi Laura,
Sorry to hear about all your challenges. I think we all become very reflective and a bit overwhelmed emotionally as we near our surgery date. Just before my surgery it helped me to reach out to friends and family and find ways that they could help me with managing my recovery. It also took my mind off my surgery as I focused my energy on planning for my recovery and how my friends could help, such as visiting , preparing pre-packaged meals, house sitting, shopping, etc. Stay busy. If you continue to feel depressed then please discuss this with your family physician. I know several people on the list have received temporary medications to help them get through the anxiety of surgery.
Take care,
John

 

[Marguerite53]

What you are going through is very normal. Very!! And to top it off, you have a list of things to challenge your emotions. I lost my father last May and I still tear up every other day or so if something reminds me of him. We were extremely close and it is just hard to be on this planet without him.

So be kind to yourself. Let it all flow. If you feel things are getting out of control, it is indeed wise (as mentioned above) to let your physician know. We all travel this waiting time in different ways. You may need some advice, or some meds. Don't be shy to talk about your feelings with your doctors. They can't help you if they don't know!!

I took up knitting. Just scarves. Nothing fancy (though I spent a fortune on those gorgeous specialty yarns). I gave away about 50 scarves (well, I had to wait 3 years!!!! ) But the action just kept my hands busy and kept me calmer. This place, too, of course!!! Would have gone insane without this wonderful group of people.

Talk to us. We're here!! But talk to your physicians, too.

Hang in there! Be gentle with yourself.

Marguerite

 

[JaneBerm]

Hi Laura,

You're just like most of us here, and the stress of anticipating surgery is enough to overwhelm anyone--never mind all the other issues you've been dealing with this year.

I reached a point two weeks ago where I couldn't stand it any longer and I called my GP to ask for something to take the edge off when I needed it. He didn't hesitate and gave me a prescription for Xanax. I took one pill when I first had it filled and just knowing that it's on the shelf has been enough ever since. I've been busy with family, friends and work, but with my surgery set for tomorrow, I know that I will be taking a pill before I go to bed tonight and again in the morning (advised by the anesthesiaologist). I think that should do the trick.

Check back in a week or so and hopefully I'll be able to tell you it was a snap!

Good luck, Jane

 

[laurad37]

Thank you Jane. My doctor did put me on Xanax daily due to the stress and symtoms that were causing panic attacks. It helps a little. The waiting is hard.

I wish you good luck tomorrow and will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Laura

 

[Bina]

Laura, my condolences on the loss of your father.....
I had aortic stenosis for a few years and my cardio was pushing me for surgery. When my Mom passed away in April of 2003 it really kept me from getting the surgery. It was just too hard to deal with it all. Finally in Sept. 2005, I agreed to the surgery that would save my life.
You are one step ahead already since you have found VR.com

 

[BigOwl]

I sympathize with you more than I can say, Laura. I don't even have a date yet (except that it will probably be early April) and my emotions go from pretty zingy to down in the lower depths. I've been fine yesterday and today, but for most of the previous week I was awfully glum and wondering whether it was worth it or not to go through all this mishegoss. And this won't even be my first OHS. But like the others say, hang in there, and stick around the forum. It's been of enormous help to me already--there are some terrific people in here.

 

[halleyg]

Laura,
I am so sorry to hear about your father.. I can't imagine how stressed you must be right now. Of course it is normal to feel depressed after the loss of a loved one, and before OHS and you are going through both at the same time. What you are feeling is SO normal. Like others have mentioned, I also had to take something for when it got to be to much. I am a mom to two little girls and was worried to the point where I thought I wouldn't make it to surgery day just from my mental stress! But you will, it is hard to go through. Sometimes when I am in my classes at the gym, I see myself in the mirror and I just think wow, I did it! You will too! This is a great place to come for support or just to vent.
Halley

 

[Eva]

Hi Laura,

Sorry about the loss of your father...it took me a while to recover from losing my father when there were no other challenging situations and I was young/er and healthy then! The surgery by itself is a lot to deal with and as you said, the unknown is the worst...but keep faith what is unknown to us is something that is handled successfully by the surgeons and these surgeries are a kind of routine nowadays. I/we all had been there and now I regret all the days I wasted in fear and anxiety.
As mentioned above, talk to your doctors and they can help. I, personally, could not do it alone without the help of Prozac (20mg) and Xanax (1/4 mg) to help me rest at night and not dwell on 'what ifs'!

You do have a lot on your plate...when it rains, it pours!
When we passed through a series of losses in my family, my little grand nephew who was 6 years old then said to me when I was your same question above: why all these sad things have to happen at the same time...this is to much to handle. His words were "you grief all at one time and then you shall be happy for a long time"!

Good luck, Laura, and take care of yourself ... you need to be strong for yourself and the surgery...vent out as much as you need. We are here to support each other.

 

[marie]

I'm so sorry that you are having so many challenges at one time. I can tell you though that being stressed is normal. I don't think anyone was more scared that I was however I made it and so will you.

I used some relaxing tapes. I am a very private person but wanted to talk about it so I told all of my friends. Talking helped me deal.

Take it one day at a time.

I'm glad you found us. Keep Posting someone is usually here.
Earline

 

[WayneGM]

Sorry to hear about your father, and all these challenges. It's normal to get depressed as OHS is a pretty traumatic event. I found my emotions up and down like a yo-yo before and after the surgery. Hang in there and take care.

 

[Mary]

As others have mentioned, it is normal to be down in the dumps after you learn you're going to need replacement.
Your father's death must also be a huge blow and might take longer to recover from.
My mother died five months before I had my replacement, and it made a difficult time much more difficult.
I would talk to your physician and ask if he can prescribe a drug to help you over the rough spots.
In the meantime, we're always here to talk to when you need someone who understands what you're facing and feeling.

 

[Tbone]

What you must keep in mind about having surgery is that everyone gets depressed before the big day. This is perfectly normal, and tends to more according to the severity of the surgery. I have always found humor to work for me. On several occasions I have bet the doctor as to how high I will jump up off the table during a cardioversion.

People tend to lean on one or two people after major surgery, and sometimes can be overbearing. Maybe you and your mother in law can lean on each other, and support each other. It is ALWAYS helpful to have someone to lean on when they need the similar support.

I hope everything works out well for you, and your mother in law. I am also sorry to hear about your father. God bless

 

[abbanabba]

Oh my goodness.. no wonder you're feeling depressed, you've had so much to deal with in such a short amount of time! I'm so sorry to hear your dad has recently passed and I'm sure that would be having a major impact on your emotions even without everything else going on in your life right now.

I'm glad you've been to your doctor and that the meds are helping some. Unfortuantely waiting for surgery truly is the most difficult part, so do try to keep yourself busy, or whatever you need to do to keep your mind occupied. I tried to focus on all the things I would be able to do post-op that I couldn't do before.... looking to the future rather than stressing myself about the things I couldn't control at the time. It certainly helped to re-centre my thoughts.

Wishing you the best.

 

[Guest]

It has been a rough year already (yes, i know its only Feb.). I lost my dad on January 4th, then not even two weeks later I find out that I needed a new heart valve

Laura, very sorry for the rough start to 2009 for you.

When I had my last surgery, my grandmother died October 2002, right after I joined VR. Then, about a month later, I found out I needed another surgery. The docs asked me if I had felt any symptoms; I said I hadn't ... but, in actuality, I probably had. The symptoms were just disguised ... I thought it was depression.... And, in some respects, it probably was.

Good luck ... thoughts/prayers coming your way....



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