Pet Peeve - NO acknowledgement from thread originator

[ALCapshaw2]

WOW ! It feels GOOD to be appreciated. ))

Thanks for all the kind words.

This has turned into a very positive thread.
I'm glad I spoke out.

Y'all (how's that for a transplanted Yankee) have recharged my batteries. I'll keep on keepin' on and do what I can when I feel I have something to contribute.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[Trinityheart8891]

hey,

I am sorry to be one who this seems to apply to, but I just wanted to say that I do read responses, and take into consideration. As a 21 yr old college student who has to manage school, 3 jobs, and my health, I feel like I have a decent excuse not to respond, even though I have gotten alot from others posts, and I do get alot from answers to posts that originated from others. I am sorry that I dont respond much, but I do take responses to task alot, and even if I dont process the info mentally right off, I'll process it as time sees fit. heck, sometimes I'll formulate a response that I want to post to something because I am in the middle of a situation in school or at work, but I lose it because I am at work, I do the best I can, I'm sorry if I upset anyone

Morgan

 

[Superbob]

hey,

I am sorry to be one who this seems to apply to, but I just wanted to say that I do read responses, and take into consideration. As a 21 yr old college student who has to manage school, 3 jobs, and my health, I feel like I have a decent excuse not to respond, even though I have gotten alot from others posts, and I do get alot from answers to posts that originated from others. I am sorry that I dont respond much, but I do take responses to task alot, and even if I dont process the info mentally right off, I'll process it as time sees fit. heck, sometimes I'll formulate a response that I want to post to something because I am in the middle of a situation in school or at work, but I lose it because I am at work, I do the best I can, I'm sorry if I upset anyone

Morgan

Morgan,

I think the regulars here realize you have a very hectic schedule and there is no need for you to apologize if you don't get back to some of these posts and threads. I think we all benefit from reading each other's threads and posts, and we don't need to get hung up over who gets back and who doesn't.

That's just my humble opinion.

Best wishes,

 

[gijanet]

Whelp! I have to confess, Al.................

Whelp! I have to confess, Al.................

that it bugs me, too. Time is short on this end, too, and If I have spent twenty minutes writing up a response to someone, then it would be nice for an acknowledgment of some sort, even if it's a thanks to the masses. At least you know your response was read and your time wasn't completely wasted. Hey, that's thirty more minutes I could have spent counting sheep. ANd you know, btw, that your input is always welcome in my threads. Much love. J.

 

[Duff Man]

This forum is alot different from the forums with an inherently younger crowd. I think sometimes newer people to VR.com are accustom to different forums - or they have no forum experience at all. I've noticed that when I make a thread about a subject that's on my mind, everyone replies to it as if I'm asking for their opinion on my particular situation, when really I'm going for a sort of collective thread "database", if you will, of different opinions or recollections relating to their own experience or knowledge. I try to spark discussion without being the subject of it. While my end goal might be to utilize the information in the thread, it's usually undesirable to be the object of the thread.

I also think this thread is directed at me Trinity. But I think this is more of an age paradigm thing than a manners or respect thing. For example, I've seldom hand written an informal letter to a friend, but I think that method of communication might've been common for the older folks here. I think that back then, a letter "snail mailed" usually warranted a reply. But in the forums I've been to (in the .com age) other than VR.com, a post isn't neccesarily a "letter" to the OP... as it shouldn't be. Also, the younger crowd can often type faster than 60 words per minute (i've been clocked at 120), so it's not a long and hard process to make a post and it's almost as easy as speaking; so we might not be so miffed if someone doesn't reply because we didn't waste 20 minutes on them. Usually a post serves as information/entertainment for the collective audience to use at their discretion. When I make a post, I don't expect a reply unless it's a direct question because I'm making it "To whom it may concern" in regards to the subject of the thread - as opposed to "Dear Op, sincerely Aaron".

I promise I'm not making it up. There's even forums that are completely anonymous. No one has a user name or an avatar. The biggest and most popular general discussion forum in the world is set up so no one is identifiable and everyone posts solely for the entertainment of others. They refer to each other in threads as anonymous. No user ever gets recognition for their posts, so it's almost an altruistic quality. That forum's population is comprised of teens and younger adults that grew up with a computer in their bedroom and a computer in every classroom and for every child. If you went there you would consider it a jungle, or maybe hell.

So in a sense, the forum has a feeling of being a little self absorbed in that everyone expects that everyone else is too. Everyone seems to expect a reply to their posts out of etiquette, while forgetting the greater purpose of the forum might be for those who haven't visited yet. If we made threads in a manner that could benefit not just the OP, it might be more productive. Why not post in a manner that has a purpose for lurkers and other members?

While I'm being candid, I also think this difference in age and forum philosophy/paradigm makes it a little hostile for the younger crowd. The newer member Khory started his thread with "yeah, so...", probably thinking most of us were under 30 and therefor formalities weren't necessary. We're not mostly under 30 though, and he quickly found that out and was probably afraid to rebuff the one younger guy in the thread that said something he might've found unwelcoming.

Obviously this is a confounding issue that will always be an issue because valvers and cardiac patients are older ipso facto. The generation gap will always be there for the internet and technology in general.

 

[Alistair]

Hello Al & other Valve Replacement participants;

It may seem rude or at best lack of courtesy for posters of threads to let the feedback go unacknowledged. I am new to this site and just happened to find it through Wikipedia. I was trying to look into more information regarding my heart condition.

My point is even if the poster of a certain topic hasn't acknowledged the feedback, it wasn't a waste of your time as other onlookers (especially new one's like myself) benefit. I would like to thank all of you for your shared experiences. At this point, I have nothing to add to any topics. I am scheduled for surgery on August 8th.

I am confident in my Surgeon and the hospital where I will be. I have known this day was coming since very early childhood. Today I am 46 and I would be lying to say I was not a little apprehensive. Your collective shared experiences have been reassuring.

-Alistair

 

[ctyguy]

Alistair...good luck with your procedure, sounds like your ready.

Good explanation Aaron, other than this forum I've only dabbled some. I've never been put off by someone not responding back to a post that they originated. Maybe they didn't like the answers ? Maybe they got a call from their doc and found out everything is actually ok now ? Im 43 but remember when there wasn't an Internet and folks being anonymous just wasn't an option. But I've been a rampant user ever since it was pushed out through cable providers and understand your point. My take is times change, how people interact change, and certainly what is deemed as acceptable ediquette (sp ?) is going to change as well. I just gotta learn to roll with it.

Scott

 

[Dina]

Hello Al & other Valve Replacement participants;

It may seem rude or at best lack of courtesy for posters of threads to let the feedback go unacknowledged. I am new to this site and just happened to find it through Wikipedia. I was trying to look into more information regarding my heart condition.

My point is even if the poster of a certain topic hasn't acknowledged the feedback, it wasn't a waste of your time as other onlookers (especially new one's like myself) benefit. I would like to thank all of you for your shared experiences. At this point, I have nothing to add to any topics. I am scheduled for surgery on August 8th.

I am confident in my Surgeon and the hospital where I will be. I have known this day was coming since very early childhood. Today I am 46 and I would be lying to say I was not a little apprehensive. Your collective shared experiences have been reassuring.

-Alistair

Good Luck Alistair, and you make a good point here - the information is
not wasted ,if it comes to help others. Since I am mostly with Al on this
one , I feel this is a positive way to look at it.
Also- having faith in my surgeon is what helped me most thru my surgery,
and I am glad you have that--Best Wishes to you--Dina

 

[Bina]

Hello Al & other Valve Replacement participants;

It may seem rude or at best lack of courtesy for posters of threads to let the feedback go unacknowledged. I am new to this site and just happened to find it through Wikipedia. I was trying to look into more information regarding my heart condition.

My point is even if the poster of a certain topic hasn't acknowledged the feedback, it wasn't a waste of your time as other onlookers (especially new one's like myself) benefit. I would like to thank all of you for your shared experiences. At this point, I have nothing to add to any topics. I am scheduled for surgery on August 8th.

I am confident in my Surgeon and the hospital where I will be. I have known this day was coming since very early childhood. Today I am 46 and I would be lying to say I was not a little apprehensive. Your collective shared experiences have been reassuring.

-Alistair

Hello Alistair and welcome.
Your surgery is fast approaching....maybe you would like to start a thread in the Pre-Surgery forum section so that we can keep track of you and others can say "Hi".

 

[Duff Man]

I think I'm starting to understand what Al's talking about. It does bug me that the new members don't stick around after they post the one time. I'd like to at least know they're still alive.

And I go nuts when someone's having a big procedure and they don't report back with a status promptly. I guess I can call that a pet peeve but it's more of an OCD thing.

 

[Bonzo Dog]

.................. I've noticed that when I make a thread about a subject that's on my mind, everyone replies to it as if I'm asking for their opinion on my particular situation, ...........................

Aaron, to be fair when you first landed on VR.com, as an urgent fact finding, very alarmed, panic stricken, emotionally needy, prospective VR patient; our opinions on your particular situation was exactly where it was at. As first impressions tend to stick, I think some members forget how far you've moved on and still reply to you in that vein.

............Also, the younger crowd can often type faster than 60 words per minute (i've been clocked at 120), so it's not a long and hard process to make a post and it's almost as easy as speaking; so we might not be so miffed if someone doesn't reply because we didn't waste 20 minutes on them.............

60 words a minute I wish, that's fast!!! Never the quickest around a keyboard a TIA slowed that right down. It's fat fingers galore here. On a bad day it seems my posts are etched out of stone.

 

[MikeHeim]

I have a different pet peeve that will probably end with me getting e-rocks thrown at my head, but frankly I don't care.

My pet peeve is when I ask a start a thread with a serious question, and the first three response post are basically (sometimes literally): "I have nothing to contribute, but I want to say that I hope you feel better." Many times in the first few months after surgery, I would have questions such as "it still hurts when I take a deep breath, is that normal?", or "should I still have SOB climbing stairs at four months?". As I'm guessing a lot of people do, the mere action of posting was an admission that I was concerned and anxious. I would leave the computer for an hour or so, find my thread, and be happy to see there were 2-3 replies. To then read those replies and all of them be "wish you well on your recovery" and nothing else was just plain frustrating. I would've rather had no responses at all.

Now, before all of you who put forth those posts hit "quick reply" and proceed to call me names, hear me out. This site is as great as it is because it can be different things to different people. Some people use it as a support group, which is just fine. I personally have always used it as an information exchange and debate forum. VR.com clearly does both very well, which is evidenced by the large membership.

BTW, I always put an acknowledgment later on after I start a thread. The one thing that always makes me nervous about doing so, however, is that I feel that in some ways it closes the thread. I would hate to have someone who has a really good contribution decide not to post because the original poster has already left an acknowledgement so they think no one is going to check back anymore.

 

[ctyguy]

I have nothing to add....but I do hope you feel better....now that you have vented Seriously though I see your point but I think its nice to get acknowledgement and kind words even if there is nothing substantive offered.

 

[Booshmeister]

I agree with all of you in the sense that someone should acknowledge a post, but the younger crowd may have been just send a question to the cloud to see what came back. By the way I'm one of the younger crowd. I just turned 62. My kids (17-24) question the cloud and may or may not acknowledge a response. My youngest will sit on the sofa for hours in the evening; watching tv and "talking" to friends through the laptop and cell phone simultaneously, including watching youtube.com between posts. Being an engineer, I see the PC as more a tool than a communications pipe.

As far as being intimidated, I think most people are intimidated about offering an answer to a subject that is so critical to our lives; our hearts - both the physical and emotional. Most of us know as much as Abigail Van Buren, but we have enough turmoil in our own lives we don't feel our advice to be of value. As far as the physical, if I knew that much I wouldn't be seeing a cardiologist and a cardiovascular surgeon. I just do it all myself.

There are safe subjects (i.e., what to take to the hospital or what questions to ask) that are either neutral or personal and don't endanger others well being or our own emotional stability.

I look at those who can answer a "technical" question with apparent confidence and truly envy and admire them that they have the courage to be wrong.

I hope that the younger bunch can get past the intimidation factor of the older and wiser ones that have experienced it all and know it all and are ready to jump in the middle of anyone that questions that wisdom or knowledge.

For all of you, and especially those with the wisdom of youth:

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity" 1 Timothy 4:12

You don't have to be a believer or religious to get secular wisdom from the Bible.

 

[Leah]

I can't even figure out how to reduce a picture to the required KB so I can have a photo on this site.

Joke, right? Great photo!

 

[Leah]

A few more thoughts on your question, Al C:

1. I think that different forums develop different cultures. This forum seems far more "connected" than some others, i.e., fosters a sense of community and, for some people, even becomes a source of friendship. On a cooking site I used to "frequent" occasionally, no one would have expected a return message. But, given the culture and purpose of this site, it does make sense that someone who posts as much and as thoughtfully as you do, Al, would naturally expect acknowledgment when you've communicated sincerely with another human being. And I agree that it's good manners. Actually, I also think it's the norm here. I frequently see posts from originators saying, in effect, thanks to all of you who posted."

2. That said, I don't think what's needed, when there are multiple posts, is more than "thanks to everyone." Anything else requires that the originator become enmeshed in a far more extensive email conversation than he or she may have ever wanted. This is, at some point, a lifestyle choice. (And if the originator has said "thanks for helping me with this issue" and people continue the conversation, at some point it's really taken off as a community discussion. That's a great thing, and it seems burdensome to expect that the originator will tend the fire forever.)

3. Also, it's easy for people to get suckered by the internet and not quite get that there are real human beings generating each of these posts - that's part of the manners issue on which we all need periodic reminders.

4. But also, people have different relationships to the internet and to any given site - how much time they spend, how constantly they connect, etc. A person may reasonably post on a forum and not return until a week later - or far later than that, if that's his or her relationship to the net. Others live on the net. And there are many in-betweens.

In any event, I think you've posted a very fair reminder.

Leah