Needing some encourgement and peace of mind

[tiggerangelgirl]

First of all I'm very thankful that there is a forum/support group out there that truly understands where I've been and where i'm now. Life has become so complicated, so many medications, tubes, needles, tests, blooddraws, I have prayed to my good Lord and Savior to give me strength to take care of my beautiful princesses and he has brought me this far, and now I have another wonderful, precious miracle that God has send me, and it has been the most precious 4mnths that I have had in a long time . She is my third neice and I love her soooooo much, when I hold her I think how awesome that God could send a precious angel to me in the form of another neice. I have been struggling for the last year with my disease and trying to muster up enough strength for yet another day, to make memories, to share memories, and to leave an impact on my neices so they know that God holds all of us in his hands and he does have a plan and a will for each of us, and this sickness is what i'am to bear, but Im having a hard time.
My Cardiomyopathy and Pulmonary Hypertension has moved up a stage again now at stage 4. I have the best Doctors out there but they tell me they are doing the most they can, I spend three weeks of the month doing treatments and its been a year and no change, I'm just so exhausted and my family truly does not understand how much of an effort it is to even get up and take a shower. Im so short of breath all the time and soo weak, and the pain sometimes is nonrelenting, but through it all i look at my precious neices and say I can't give up , they need me, they won't make it without a stable home and then my heart hurts even more because I grieve for what they are missing out on. They have had to grow up so fast, and I want to give them so much more, of my time but I don't know how, because I'm using everything I got to get through another day.
I would like you all to please pray for me, I'm really struggling trying to keep it together, but i feel like i'm on the verge of a mental and physical breakdown. Fighting is hard work and I just don't know how much more is left in me, don't get me wrong I LOVE LIFE and I want to be here, but being this ill is not living, it's surviving!, but i want to do more, I want to run a marathon, take a missionary trip to Africa, have a child,and even get married, but from where I'm standing tonight that is not the road that I have been givin to take and that STINKS!!!!!!!, but I will keep fighting if God gives me the strength and maybe there is a miracle for me out there waiting for me to reach out and grab and pull it in.
Thank you everyone for letting me vent I know that there are others on this forum who have felt this way or have known someone who has and it gives me much comfort to know that I can log back onto this forum and recieve encouragement from you all, and I will trully take to heart and use it to lift my spirits, and help muster enough strength for yet another day. May God Bless Each Of You!!

 

[Ross]

Nicole I wish I had some words for wisdom, but fact of the matter is, I'm right on your heels with they way your feeling. Anymore, it's an effort to get from one end of the house to the other, much less do things in between. We do the best we can and somehow stay focused that we are here for a reason, We simply don't know what that reason is.

 

[WayneGM]

Sorry to hear of your struggles. When I was first diagnosed, I wrestled with the "why me?" question and came to the conclusion there's no answer and I'm not in control. So I stopped asking it and focused what what I can control. All we can do is take life one day at a time, and do the best we can, as we don't know what tomorrow will bring. It's easier said than done I know, especially if you are suffering with symptoms. Hang in there, and try to be positive. Enjoy your nieces each day, and keep your faith. Take care.

 

[Mary]

Nicole,
You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[hensylee]

Hey, Nicole. I often wonder about you and the children and how you are doing. We miss you but know you are there doing as best you can. There is not even one member here who has been through your particular circumstances but we can empathize and pray for you. We would love a miracle for you and if our prayers can do it, we are trying.

I am sure that every morning you look at those children and know that God is alive and you are in His world. Thank goodness you have that, at least. You are receiving the strength to look at them and know they are miracles, too, and have maybe kept you alive with the blessedness of their own existence. Amazing the things we are given to keep us going. There are not very many who, in your state of health, would take on the responsibility of a family. Whatever you have given to those babies will be a part of their lives forever, whether God grants you time to see it or not. You are teaching, my dear, and loving. I thank you for that.

I wish you breath and strength to get through another day........and another........and.........

Blessins, my dear.

 

[Karlynn]

Nicole, I'm so sorry to read of your continued problems. I'm glad that your neices continue to be a blessing in your life. I know that you want more for them, but I also know that they'll take you which ever way they can get you.

Praying for you.

 

[Superbob]

Nicole,

Just wanted to offer my best thoughts and prayers. I guess sometimes we have to just take small steps day to day toward our goals. Try to stay strong to enjoy those God-given blessings, your nieces. You also live in an extraordinarily beautiful part of the country. Are you able to get some quiet time just looking out over the ocean and relaxing? The mountains are my home but I love the Outer Banks of NC, too.

Keep us informed. Hope things begin improving for you soon.

Cheers,

 

[Andrew'sMom]

sending hugs & prayers your way. you sound like a wonderful person to take on those 3 girls despite your many health issues. i wish you the best.

 

[briansmom]

Your story is truly inspirational, and maybe that is your call right now, to take care of those precious children and inspire the rest of us when we feel tired. I am truly amazed and humbled by what you are going through and what you are accomplishing.
Prayers for strength and peace going out to you.

 

[geebee]

Nicole,

I have no earthly idea of what you are going through but I can feel your pain. Please try to remember that you are an inspiration to us and, obviously, to those nieces you love so much. Leaving our marks on others is the best we can hope for in this world and what we should all strive for. It sounds like you achieve that more each day.

Hang in there. I will pray that things improve for your health.

 

[Christina L]

Nicole -

Nicole -

God bless you and keep you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on trying and don't give up. Your loved ones need you.

Christina L

 

[EireCara]

*Nicole, I have read your post 3 times, and 3 times I tried to reply but couldnt, but each time Iv come back.....Im sorry I dont have the words to comfort you, but I just wanted to say, my heart aches for you and I will remember you in my prayers.