I understand........
I understand........
Hi Rob,
The threads on this forum are usually about people who become ill and then get better and that is what is so heartening to other new members as they come along.
You and I know that life is not full of 'success' stories. Once in a while things just don't turn out the way we want them to and you have my heartfelt sympathy and condolences on the death of your dear wife.
You see Robert five years ago today I was at my wife's funeral, so I know first-hand how you are feeling right now. Myrtle was 44 when she had valve-replacement surgery and she was unfortunate to have one of the re-called St. Jude 'silzone' valves. She made a wonderful recovery and then just ten weeks after surgery she died suddenly on the afternoon of Friday 3rd July, 1998. We had no warning, we didn't even get to say goodbye.........we were devastated.
The word 'if' will be uppermost in your mind at this stage. Over and over you will wonder 'if' you could have done more for Tiffany but I don't think you could. You were obviously a very devoted husband and you must be thankful for your time together and for the love and support that you were both able to give each other through your respective illnesses and surgeries. She was able to give you comfort during your heart surgery and you had the privilege of returning that love to the very end of her life. I'm sure she was so grateful for your reassurance when she felt afraid and for your very presence when she felt alone. You fulfilled your role to the end and you can take great comfort from so doing.
You will soon change from the 'if' word to the 'why' word. You will wonder 'why' life has dealt you such a hard blow. I have been there and sometimes got angry. I wondered why other couples were still together and I was alone. One day at a wedding I said to the Clergyman "Why me?" and his reply was "Billy, Why not you?" He told me to look around and see that everyone has their share of sadness and trouble in life. Sometimes we believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
You will probably soon discover, as I did, that only those who have been through this experience can fully understand how you feel. I imagine that losing a child is probably the worst thing that can happen in life in that you lose part of your 'future.' When we lose our Parents, we lose some of our 'past.' When you lose your spouse, you lose a bit of both. Your past is full of happy memories and you can use these to sustain you through the days ahead. Your future is in your hands now. Don't rush it, but as you progress forward, remember that you have the rest of your life to live and you must eventually take control of it.
Take one day at a time. Be thankful for the years you both had together and I trust that your future will contain more happiness and joy. It may be very difficult for you to come to terms with but although this is the end of a very happy 'chapter' in your life, it is not the end of the 'book.'
Please feel free to e-mail me at anytime if I can help in any way.
God Bless,