Christina L
Well-known member
"He who is without sin, cast
"He who is without sin, cast
the first stone."
Deb -
I don't think there is a person alive who is part of a couple who has not had the same thoughts you are having right now. And if they haven't, they obviously have a very low sex drive or are dead!! You are ALIVE and kicking -fantasies are fun if only a person doesn't dwell on them and act on them.
Love and commitment are choices. However, there is no ONE soul mate - we will always have people we are attracted to other than our chosen partner.
The main thing here, is not to beat yourself up for having these thoughts. They are pretty normal. Going through heart surgery really messes with your head and our priorities in life change and we reevaluate what we want out of life with the second chance we were given.
Personally I think there has to be no greater thing than for a couple to weather the storms of life and to come through unscathed - my personal take on romance (as the psychotherapist Joy Browne - believe that is her name - says) that romantic love is the ruination of society. We are bombarded with all these romantic movies where people live happily ever after and are "hot" for one another every day!! NOT!!! We see and read these things and think we are missing out. Hence, 50% of marriages end in divorce and MORE second marriages end than first marriages (because the grass was not greener)!!
100 years ago people (married couples) worked together day-to-day to raise families and to put food on the table - they didn't watch TV or read romance novels - love is much deeper than trite stories. They chose to love and to help one another through life.
Anyway - I think you are doing the right thing by getting counseling with your husband. I agree with others here - believe me - you would go on to another guy and he could possibly be harder to live with and most certainly the romance would die down tremendously within two years - it ALWAYS does. Hey guys - speaking from experience. I am not going to pretend that Wayne and I are living a fairytale life together - we have been together for eight years and boy, Deb, I have felt the same thing you are feeling now MANY times in the last eight years (and I'm sure Wayne has also). Love is a CHOICE! Marriage is a choice.
Best wishes that you and your hubby will be able to rekindle "some" of that spark.
Christina L
"He who is without sin, cast
the first stone."
Deb -
I don't think there is a person alive who is part of a couple who has not had the same thoughts you are having right now. And if they haven't, they obviously have a very low sex drive or are dead!! You are ALIVE and kicking -fantasies are fun if only a person doesn't dwell on them and act on them.
Love and commitment are choices. However, there is no ONE soul mate - we will always have people we are attracted to other than our chosen partner.
The main thing here, is not to beat yourself up for having these thoughts. They are pretty normal. Going through heart surgery really messes with your head and our priorities in life change and we reevaluate what we want out of life with the second chance we were given.
Personally I think there has to be no greater thing than for a couple to weather the storms of life and to come through unscathed - my personal take on romance (as the psychotherapist Joy Browne - believe that is her name - says) that romantic love is the ruination of society. We are bombarded with all these romantic movies where people live happily ever after and are "hot" for one another every day!! NOT!!! We see and read these things and think we are missing out. Hence, 50% of marriages end in divorce and MORE second marriages end than first marriages (because the grass was not greener)!!
100 years ago people (married couples) worked together day-to-day to raise families and to put food on the table - they didn't watch TV or read romance novels - love is much deeper than trite stories. They chose to love and to help one another through life.
Anyway - I think you are doing the right thing by getting counseling with your husband. I agree with others here - believe me - you would go on to another guy and he could possibly be harder to live with and most certainly the romance would die down tremendously within two years - it ALWAYS does. Hey guys - speaking from experience. I am not going to pretend that Wayne and I are living a fairytale life together - we have been together for eight years and boy, Deb, I have felt the same thing you are feeling now MANY times in the last eight years (and I'm sure Wayne has also). Love is a CHOICE! Marriage is a choice.
Best wishes that you and your hubby will be able to rekindle "some" of that spark.
Christina L
