Increasing Anxiety/Surgery Next Week

[upchurch131]

You have all been a source of information, Insight and inspiration to me. I so appreciated learning about your experiences and the way in which you have come out of this most harrowing of surgery, the repair of your heart. In another week, I will be moving to downtown Chicago for a while. I thought I had a pretty good handle on it- but this was only a facade. Deep inside, I am churning. I know I have one of the best surgeons, the most support and in all, expecting nothing but positive outcome. But saying, thinking and believing this is only helpful some of the time. The rest of the time, I am full of anxiety and have drastically low moments. I find relief in several ways. I am taking Lexapro, I try to spend time outdoors (which I love) and listen to as much music as I can (music has always worked for me). I have one more week at work (things are not going well there and adds unnecessary anxiety). I have tried to put this aside as I know there is nothing more I can do and whatever happens will happen while I am gone. It is time to think of me and my health. To top it all off, I got a sinus infection last week and am on anti-boitics until Monday. As you know, my wife has been an endless source of strength, but she is showing signs of cracking. Anything you could say or share would be most appreciated as you all have been very good to me.

Thanks so much for your continued support.

 

[ross3]

On the same clock

On the same clock

Hey Stu -
I'm right there with you! My surgery is going to be on July 15th to repair my aortic root and ascending aneurysm (51mm).
For some reason I'm not going crazy . . yet. I think it's because I'm looking at it as being "next" week which somehow allows me to keep some distance.
I do notice how weird it is to walking toward this incredibly scary thing for the purpose of repairing something that I can't detect . . because I feel fine.

I'm going to try and think of this as being given the opportunity to prevent a disaster. My surgeons resident said that someone with a family history (my dad died of an aneurysm) and a dilation over 5cm has an 8% per year chance of dying from it. So in a way, having the surgery is like a sci-fi show where a person is given the chance to change their future. Viewed within that context allows the approaching day to feel just a little more desirable. It's so much better than the alternative!

Ross

 

[Susan BAV]

Your feelings sound about like what a lot of us have felt pre-valve replacement. But a sinus infection can pull you right down. So maybe that's particularly why you're struggling with the extra gloom.

I know my surgery was harder on my husband than I realized at first also. Make sure your dear wife knows she must get her proper rest and eat and drink in a conscientiously nourishing manner.

Some of what was difficult for my husband and I was that we had to go to a big city for the surgery and we are not ever very relaxed in the city. Could that be some of your concern also?

And, as a patient, there are so many things that may be out of your control. One thing I'd read about here and focused on was that it's good to not be a whiney patient so I focused on not whining about anything and that helped me to be more pleasant to be around and it gave me some control. I have never been aware of you having any tendency like that from reading your posts but that particular point helped me, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. I don't think I'm wording this very well; sorry.

It must be a slow day here. I'm sure you'll get more replies soon. Best wishes and take care .

 

[marie]

You seem to be doing the right things. Looking back I'm thinking that the one to two week period prior to my surgery were probably the most anxious. My son who lives 700 miles away drove in on Sunday and somehow that made all the difference for me that all my children were around me. I have three the other two live close by. I had my surgery on Tuesday 1/22/08 almost six months now.

What you are feeling seems the norm. Try to put the job anxiety on the back burner for now. Yes I know it's easier said than done.

You have a good support system and you will both do fine. Positive thoughts coming your way. Keep us updated if you can.
Earline

 

[afraidofsurgery]

Don't sweat it

Don't sweat it

Hey, the best thing about the surgery is that the hardest thing you'll have to do is show up! I had my sister drive me so I was sure I would go. I had my AVR done at Rush, on the other side of town from NWern. I found the surgery to go so smoothly, the skill of the medical team from the anesthesiologist to teh nursing staff and everyone in between was unbelievable. You are in good hands at NWern, don't sweat it. And since I was asleep for the whole thing, it wasn't scary at all!!

I dreaded my surgery for a full 8 years, and am embarassed to say once it came time it was easier than childbirth - no labor!

Hope everything goes well for you. And yeah, sinus infections suck they make me feel like everything is impossible, so that could be part of it.

Patty

 

[Jkm7]

I think all of us have experienced the same or similar anxieties in the days leading up to our surgery. The waiting truly is the hardest part of it.

I found it was helpful for me to keep busy. When I was inactive, I became the most engrossed in the worst of the thoughts.

I am blessed to have wonderful doctors in whom I have absolute confidence.
It sounds as though you have wonderful doctors as well. Trust them. For them, it is 'another day at the office' and that is just what we want. Confidence and experience.

Wishing you a successful surgery and uneventful recovery.

 

[R&N Brown]

Hello Stu,

You and I are going in just one day apart, 10 days out and like you my mind is beginning to work on me. I am thankful that I am not dealing with another ailment though. I am feeling many of the same emotions you do right now.

Similar to Ross most days I feel just fine, so trying to logically convince myself that it really is time weighs on me.

We see on this site where so many folks have traveled the same path we are on right now and feeding off of their confidence has provided great solace to me. I hope where you are setting up home in Chicago it has an Internet connection and you are able to log in here. Saying in touch with these folks will help.

My mind plays with me from time to time, more regularly and louder as I get closer. What if I don?t make it to the other side of the mountain as they use the term here, what if??

Here is my pacifier;
I go to thinking about what I have accomplished in my 48 years, the good stuff. Then I start making myself think about what more I have to accomplish, the things I still have to do after July 16th. I focus on the ?after? events until the thoughts of what I have already done are gone and the only visions that remain are what more I am going to do.

I?m going to walk my daughter down the aisle some day.
I?m going to see my children graduate form both high school, then collage.
I?m going to take my wife to Europe.
I?m going to continue to grow my business, be part of my community,
I?m going to have the opportunity to spoil my yet to be born grandkids.

This surgery is the doorway to what I will accomplish.

I wish for you good luck in your move and with your surgery.
We will talk again the last week of July or so, we will both be starting on the "after" list by that time.

Rob

 

[Guest]

I hope where you are setting up home in Chicago it has an Internet connection and you are able to log in here. Saying in touch with these folks will help.

*nods*

Agreed.


Stu, it is true...the waiting is the hardest part. I know that probably isn't much comfort right now, but in time, you will see/understand that, if you don't already.

Sounds like you are doing what you can...spending time outdoors and enjoying music. Like you, music has always been a great source of support/strength/etc. for me. Is your wife doing the same thing ... in other words ... is she enjoying what she loves...and using her coping mechanisms?

Thoughts/prayers coming your way, of course....



Cort:34swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve&pacemaker
WRMNshowcase.legos.HO.models.MCs.RTs.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort
"Never thought you'd be the one in the darkness now" ... Juice Newton ... 'Old Flame'

 

[KAJ]

Stu,

I know exactly what you are going through brother. I had a sinus infection just before my surgery. My surgery was rescheduled as a result of it. It almost had to rescheduled again thanks to my idot and now former PCP.
I also love the outdoors. Many hospitals have a garden of some sort. Once the doctor gives the okay after surgery, ask your wife to wheel you down to it. I loved to eat my lunch in the garden.

Take Care and God Bless,
Karl

 

[WayneGM]

Pre-op anxieties are normal. All I can say is that it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared and my life post-op is great. Best wishes and good luck.

 

[A New Beginning]

I know exactly what you are going throug stu. I am tentively scheduled for surgery on this coming wednesday. I actually had an anxiety attack on thrusday night last week about it and ended up in the er. The waiting game is the worse

But as someone else stated, I had to think of all the things I will be abl to do once my mitro valve is fixed. I will be able to see my beautiful daughter grow up and go to all those wonderful field trips with her. I will be able to yell at my husband because he is being himeself

I will be able to go on all the family vacations and just enjoy life and not have to worry about surgery again. I believe I will be just fine and get through it safely as you will

good luck, I will post when I get out of the hospital and will wait to hear from you as well.

Aja - Michigan

 

[cp172]

There is no doubt that the wait is the worst part. For me the day or two before surgery I was at peace. I kept thinking that shortly it would be over and I would be in the recovery mode which I could help control. The doctors and nurses will make sure there is little pain so all you will need to do while in the hospital is eat, sleep, sit up and take short walks.You will be amazed how quick the time will pass. Prayers for all those in the waiting room.

 

[ruth]

Stu -

I agree - waiting is the hardest part. For me the period of time about 1-2 weeks out was rough but by the last week I somehow found some calm in it all. It's like a rollercoaster ride that most folks will never go on. There will be some ups & downs and then it will be all over and you'll be recovering happily. Since you don't have any other good options you might as well just sit back and make the most of the ride.

I wish you all the best for a successful surgery and an uneventful recovery.

Peace,
Ruth

 

[Curtsmum]

Know how you feel too, my son will be having his surgery on the 16th and i'am trying my best not to think about it. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't show any signs of fear.The waiting is a major part. Sorry i can't be of any help but wanted to wish you all the best.

 

[upchurch131]

Hey Stu -
I'm right there with you! My surgery is going to be on July 15th to repair my aortic root and ascending aneurysm (51mm).
For some reason I'm not going crazy . . yet. I think it's because I'm looking at it as being "next" week which somehow allows me to keep some distance.
I do notice how weird it is to walking toward this incredibly scary thing for the purpose of repairing something that I can't detect . . because I feel fine.

I'm going to try and think of this as being given the opportunity to prevent a disaster. My surgeons resident said that someone with a family history (my dad died of an aneurysm) and a dilation over 5cm has an 8% per year chance of dying from it. So in a way, having the surgery is like a sci-fi show where a person is given the chance to change their future. Viewed within that context allows the approaching day to feel just a little more desirable. It's so much better than the alternative!

Ross

Ross,

You are absolutely right..... Keeping it at a distance is helpful. There are some things going on this week that remind me of the count-down however. Like on Tuesday, July 8, I need to donate a unit of blood and get off the aspirin therapy. My wife is "packing the bag", etc. I am doing fine one minute and deep in thought the next. It is true, your feeling about going into such a huge surgery when you aren't feeling terrible. I have become symptomatic recently, so I am feeling the effects of the valve issue now- again, some constant reminders. I do feel in my thoughts that I am going in to this to ultimately save my life and continue to be a productive and loving person for some time to come. It does help to remind ourselves of this fact.

Thanks for your comments. They are very helpful.

 

[Ross]

This is the hardest part guys! Your almost there and believe it or not, once your in the hospital, you'll actually calm down alot. Until then, you feel like bolting off of the planet. I can tell you from experience, if you have a second surgery, it's the same feelings all over again.

 

[Duff Man]

McCarthy's the man Stu. When I think about your surgery I see it going well. I'm not saying that rhetorically either.

 

[upchurch131]

Your feelings sound about like what a lot of us have felt pre-valve replacement. But a sinus infection can pull you right down. So maybe that's particularly why you're struggling with the extra gloom.

I was aware that this is common, but somehow, when you are into it, you feel alone even when you are not. So I was reaching out to everyone here who has been so supportive to everyone who is approaching their surgery. I think I am beating the infection, but it did take a toll with that "what else is going to happen" feeling.

I know my surgery was harder on my husband than I realized at first also. Make sure your dear wife knows she must get her proper rest and eat and drink in a conscientiously nourishing manner

Some of what was difficult for my husband and I was that we had to go to a big city for the surgery and we are not ever very relaxed in the city. Could that be some of your concern also?.

My wife is usually a rock! She is ready for me, very spiritual in her trust with the Lord. But these things take a toll on even the most steady. She is taking good care of herself and very dedicated to my welfare. In short, I am a VERY lucky man. I think the fact that the hospital is quite a distance away from my home may be a factor. Even though I live in the suburbs, its not like a "neighborhool" hospital. I am concerned about my wife driving in and out of the city at odd hours.

And, as a patient, there are so many things that may be out of your control. One thing I'd read about here and focused on was that it's good to not be a whiney patient so I focused on not whining about anything and that helped me to be more pleasant to be around and it gave me some control. I have never been aware of you having any tendency like that from reading your posts but that particular point helped me, trying to keep a stiff upper lip. I don't think I'm wording this very well; sorry.

I know what you mean and am not taking your comments negatively. I usually don't outwardly whine. I'm one to hold things inside (which isn't good either). I will talk with my keyboard or just sit there in my own thoughts until pressed to let it out. So, I agree with the "stiff upper lip", but I have also learned in many life experiences, you have to have an outlet. But when all is said and done, these surgeries are saving our lives and well worth the difficulty some of us experience with pre-surgical anxiety. WELL WORTH IT!

Thanks for your comments, Susan.

 

[Superbob]

Stu,

You have gotten a bunch of great responses -- don't know that I have much to add. Just sounds to me like you are doing many of the good things to be doing a week out in trying to relax -- esp like the outdoors and the music. Try not to worry about work (easy for me to say, I know). It will be there when you come back. It is perfectly natural to think a lot about life during the wait -- ponder the big questions. This can be beneficial. You will do fine, and you will be helping others over the hump (or the "mountain") very soon.

Cheers,

 

[upchurch131]

Hey, the best thing about the surgery is that the hardest thing you'll have to do is show up!
I dreaded my surgery for a full 8 years, and am embarassed to say once it came time it was easier than childbirth - no labor!

Patty,

Since I don't have a reference about the childbirth thing, I can't relate. But my wife confirms it was no picnic! There shouldn't be a problem with my showing up. I want to live a million years![/QUOTE]