i'm getting really scared!

[malibu82]

hi, i just have to tell you all that even with all the knowledge and help you have provided me, yesterday the nerves set in and i had no sleep and i am just so scared. i feel like i have to throw up most of the time and i feel weird. i can't imagine this is going to happen to me. i feel like it isn't real. then i question whether or not this is the right time, i just don't know how to deal with it. my surgery is friday and i feel like this week has flown by. i already miss my babies i can't even look at them without thinking about having to leave them for a week then not be able to hold them for months. i feel guilty about that. and i am starting to get mad about this whole thing. i feel like i can never fully be 100% happy in life because i will always have this ****** problem in the back of my head. i look at other people with their kids and get jealous because they can live a normal life with no cares in the world and i have this. i'm not afraid to admit any of this. i am really upset about it. how did you overcome the last minute jitters and fear?

thanks

jackie

 

[nngbwh]

1. No sleep just scared- Normal being scared. I got so scared, I almost peed my pants.
2. It's real - you are getting crack open this Friday
3. Whether or not tthis is the right time- This is the right time cuz you want to watch your kids grow up and not drop dead in front of them
4. Miss your babies and not even looking at them for a week- Once you get better you will be with them for the rest of your life.
5. can never fully be 100% happy- You will be happier once your surgery is over. Get on with your new life.
6. look at other people with their kids and get jealous cuz they can live a normal life- You are normal just a little problem with your heart you will he happier and healthier when your surgery is over.
You will be O.K.relax and try not to think too much. Keep us posted.

 

[Freddie]

hey there Jackie, take a deep breath, count to 10 and try to relax.

You and I are too different people. Each handle a stressful situation differently.

Personally, I didn't have time to get scared or stressed. I was put on the "on-call" list and when I was called I had to be at the hospital within 1/2 hour for pre-op test with surgery the next day. (being a 110% in denial may have help). And I just figured "what will be, will be".

I'm sure you have everything organized and ready to go, so enjoy this time with your kids. It's okay to get mad, but really it doesn't do any good - what will be, will be. Getting jealous is normal, but stop and think how much better you will be, not only in health but stronger too. After you recover will be so much stronger than dear old "Kate" in Kate plus 8 and every other woman out there with their kids. Time to think positive. Did you forget, you can always cuddle with your kids after your surgery.

I probably haven't helped much but try to put the negative thoughts in a box and think positive.

If you worry to much, you might just make yourself sick and we can't have that can we.

Look after yourself okay?

 

[kfay]

Jackie, Sorry that your nerves are getting the better of you at the moment. I know exactly how you feel. There were times I almost drove myself crazy with worry and second guessing my decisions. Your kids will be fine, trust me. I think you'll be able to hold them if someone gives them to you and they sit quietly in your lap, or they snuggle up to you in bed, gently. You just won't be able to pick them up. As for never feeling happy because of all this, if that winds up being the case, there are Dr.'s and medication that can help you with that. There is absolutely no reason that you can not go on to live a totally fulfilling, happy life. You have probably read this on here many times, but it was absolutely true in my case...this period before surgery was literally a living hell for me and much worse than the actual surgery. I didn't handle the stress and anxiety of it well at all. Until the day before surgery, I suddenly felt very calm. If it all gets to be too much, call your Dr. today and get some Xanax.

Kim

 

[BarbJean]

Jackie, I agree with what Kim said about the Xanax. It is my son, not me, with the heart issues, but as a mom, you probably agree you worry more about your kids than yourself. The day we found out it was time for Colin to schedule surgery, I used an antianxiety at nite. It really helped. I was at least able to sleep. I know for sure I will be using it the day of the surgery and maybe even the stressful days leading up to it. It just helps take the edge off. I really feel for you. For what it is worth, I just know your surgery will go well and you will be happy again with your little ones. Barb

 

[malibu82]

thank you all for your support and words. it helps realizing that feeling this is some what normal and basically i already know i have no choice in the matter so i just need to get over it. i called the doctor for some meds so i hope that helps...it's just the strangest thing i have ever had to go through. i had 5 months to prepare, but i just feel i cant prepare enough.

 

[Mentu]

Jackie, this surgery is your door into the future so you can watch your little ones grow up. You probably can snuggle with them when you get home; what you can't do is pick them up for awhile. If you are careful not to strain your chest muscles early on, you will probably be able to pick up your children in 12 weeks or so. Everyone is a little different so you might be able to do it sooner UNLESS you strain your chest during the early weeks which will set back your recovery further. You must do this for yourself, Jackie, so that you can care for your children for the years you will be around; don't worry about a couple of months.

Larry

Larry

 

[ARGreenMN]

It'll be over soon

It'll be over soon

The next couple days will fly by, and that's a good thing. The quicker you get on the other side of the surgery the quicker you can start recovering instead of worrying about the surgery. I'm two weeks (to the day) post surgery today and am feeling great. In a couple short weeks (which will also fly by) you'll be back to almost where you're at right now as far as your kids can tell. And, most importantly, you won't have to worry about keeling over someday. That's what got me to finally do the surgery - that old saying about "if you're not gonna do it for yourself, do it for those that love you". I did it 'cause I wanted to be around for my kids for years, and I now feel confident I will be. Like Ross said - focus on the big picture - this is life-saving stuff you're about to go through. It's AMAZING! You'll be fine. Give us an update when you feel up to it after surgery - and I'm betting you'll be agreeing with all of us by then

 

[Luana]

Hi Jackie,
I agree with getting some Xanax or something similar to help quiet you down. You can still do this even if you're jittery and scared; after all, when it comes to the surgery, all you really have to do is show up. You don't need to do a thing other than that.

As for if there may be a better time, I can assure you that you will always be able to come up with an excuse for the time not being right. When I worked in sales, people always had an excuse; before Christmas it was, oh, we've spent everything on Christmas; after Christmas, everyone was broke because of Christmas; a month later it was, oh, it's too close to tax time; after tax time it was, we're broke after taxes; early summer it was getting ready for vacation; late summer there was no money after vacation; fall was back-to-school time with no money after school supplies, college tuition, private school tuition, etc. There is always an excuse not to do something!

You are about to go through a very big thing. You may feel like you are alone, but you won't be going through it alone. You will have all kinds of help and support when you're in the hospital. Your family and friends will be thinking of you and praying for you, and so will people here. While you may not be able to lift your children for awhile, you can still snuggle up together.

You'll probably also feel very relieved when your surgery is over, with good reason! Next week at this time, if you're not already home, you'll probably be going home soon.

Wishing you all the best for a smooth surgery and recovery!

 

[Superbob]

Wish I had some magical words to say to make your jitters go away, but I don't. Just know that a whole bunch of people here have walked the same path and felt the same fears. For many, a kind of calm descended as the actual day approached. Then it's a matter of waking in the ICU, taking the pain pills when offered, and starting the recovery process. You can do this. You can start a new life, stronger for having this done. I send you all my best wishes and prayers.

 

[njean]

All of us that have been there Jackie can totally relate to your feelings! I too had months to prepare before my first surgery & it was living hell! Everytime I thought of what was going to happen to me, I'd break down in tears & the pity party was on! But, on the positive side, here I am still after 35 years giving you & others encouragement that you too will come out alive & able to get on with your life! I know & I'm sure that a lot of us can say, that we really didn't start living until AFTER OHS.

So hang in there dear, just a couple more days for the next chapter in your life to begin!

Sending you prayers & well wishes!

 

[Jkm7]

I agree with all written above and just want to add that once you are into your recovery and knowing you survived well and are healing, you will begin to look at a rosy future. Instead of thinking 'how unfair this happened to you', it's far more productive to think how lucky we are to live in a time where this surgery is possible. How many before us passed without the possibility for surgical treatment? Fair? No, of course, not. None of us should have to go through this trauma. But who promised anyone 'fair'?

I hope your doctor prescribed xanax or something to help you through these last few days. This is the sort of time they are meant for.
You'll do great. You have every incentive to do everything you need to do to make a great recovery.

We'll wait to hear from you as soon as you feel up to it.

 

[karen14]

We're all here to support you Jackie! Just know you're not alone and all will be ok. FEEL THE FEELINGS AND DO IT ANYWAY. Luv, ~Karen

 

[Cris N]

I can't really add to the words of advice already given but I did want to comment on

i look at other people with their kids and get jealous because they can live a normal life with no cares in the world and i have this

I used to see other people as not having any problems... believe me no one has 'no cares' in the world and I think everyone I know leads a less-than-normal life. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. There are no perfect people.

You know, in your heart, that now is the right time. Your recovery will fly by and your kids will survive your not picking them up for a short period of time. Peace - see you on the other side of the mountain... we'll be here waiting for you

 

[Allisoninoz]

Hi Jackie,
I know I'll be in your shoes within a year or two and I know I'll be desperately worried, no matter how much I tell myself that it's the right and only thing to do. Your children will be much happier to have a health and happy mum instead of a mum who's always worried about when the surgery will be and the result. Concentrate on it being the start of a new life. Think about the flowers you'll get and the nice things people will say to you about how well you're doing and how strong you are! I'm not sure how old your kids are but if they're old enough, ask them to make you a special drawing you can have in hospital with you. Leave them a few little notes around the house they can read or have somebody read to them while you're in there so they know how much you're thinking of them. And it will all be over really soon. And you'll feel so much better when it's done and dusted and you're on the road to recovery. A big part of me wishes I was having my surgery this week instead of waiting, waiting, waiting. And remember how many people here have said it's nowhere near as bad as they expected. I had two cardiac surgeries as a child (aged four and 11) and barely remember them. It's scarier as an adult when you have other people for whom you are responsible. But you'll be a better, stronger person afterwards. I think I've waffled on enough now! Good luck from not-so-sunny Melbourne, Australia in the last days of autumn.

p.s. just saw that your children are only little, so forget about them reading your notes - unless they are extraordinarily gifted (I'm sure they are).
I want to hear all about the surgery afterwards. I'm 41 and have an eight-year-old daughter, who will be so worried when I have to get it done. It's good that your children won't know what the surgery is all about. Think of it that way!

 

[spartangator]

Hi Jackie,
All the points above are great ones. I just wanted to say again that it's normal to be scared, but you are opening the door to the rest of a fulfilling, happy life. This adventure is a good thing, as Ross points out, because it's going to help you continue to be a good mom. It's scary, but you can do this.

 

[Lily]

So, Jackie, you can see from various replies that your feelings are normal.

Those intense feelings can wash over a person from time to time but it'll all calm down.

Heart issues and daily meds ain't so great. But life is beautiful!

Best wishes

 

[Daren]

Jackie, there isnt one thing I can add to whats already been said. Just remember that soon this will all be over and you start to get better. Everyone knows how you feel and I dont blame you one bit for sounding off, you have a real reason to. If you need some pill help then go for it, do anything you can to try to calm the fear. I am gonna pray for you,for strength, for calm and peace....Daren

 

[malibu82]

thank you so much again everyone. all of your support really really helps. i will bring my computer with me to the hospital so who knows when ill be ready to get back online but im hoping soon! i will see if my husband can make a post for me after the surgery to update you all. i am very happy i found a site with such supportive people. i feel like without joining here i would have never learned all the thing i know now. thank you



I AM GOING TO SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE

jackie

 

[Bill B]

That's better. Looking forward to hearing about your successful surgery.