The TEE is an echo that is taken from the
inside (as you know all too well), and doesn't have to read information through and between hard tissues like the ribs. It gets a lot closer to the heart, so it gets a clearer and more detailed read.
Why don't they do that more often, instead of a regular echo? Apart from a slight chance of doing damage to the throat or vocal chords, I think you've already mentioned why: it's a nasty little procedure.
The tissue could also have been damaged by the infection, if infection was the case. Part of the surgeon's job is to determine the best way to fix it. Surgeons like to fix things: it's their
raison d'être.
It doesn't seem like you should have to lose your job for being ill.
Now you have insurance issues, as you are not going to pay for this eventual surgery from personal funds.
I don't have a very good personal opinion of your regular cardiologist's approach. He's letting a symptomatic patient with a valve that's flapping in the internal breeze go on a six-month standby. I am also concerned that he may be underestimating your problems because you're female. Some doctors incorrectly assume that women complain more about health issues, and tend to discount some of what they present. I would look for a second opinion (not from the same cardio group), if that option is still available to you.
And see what the surgeon says. State your case to him. Oddly, they sometimes can be more humanistic than many of the regular cardiologists. Also, if he agrees with you about your symptoms, he could schedule it while you're still on insurance, if you've been able to COBRA from your departed job.
I know this has been disheartening for you. It couldn't
not be. It's a lot of the wrong things to happen all at once.
But you should know that people here on this site are thinking of you, and rooting for you. You need to reinvest in your personal strengths now, and use them to get through this trial. Take each problem separately, and look at possible solutions. If you don't have solutions for something, set it down and move to the next issue. Be in control of those things you can influence, and don't let the events have their way with you.
Do what you can do, and let your faith conquer the rest.
Best wishes,