Husband Treating Me Like Invalid

[Braveheart]

I am 7 weeks post-op. As some of you may know, from an earlier thread, I had a bout of a-fib after bronchitis, and was in the hospital for almost 5 days. My husband claims that I was "pushing" too hard, and that's why I got the bronchitis. The a-fib was corrected early, but I developed some iatrogenic illnesses. (Phlebitis, and deep vein thrombosis).

Anyhow, I plan to have a girlfriend pick me up, and take me to a bridge game. This is making my husband very nervous. According to him, I should stay away from other people. (BTW, HE has a cold)

I am not "pushing it" as he is constantly saying. I am at the point where I can drive myself, but I am still having friends drive me, as I have to admit, the recent hospitalization, (and the hospital screw ups) has set me back a bit.

I am sick of my husband wanting to put me in a bubble. I don't feel 100%, but I am certainly well enough to go to a card game.

Have any of you had similar problems with your spouses/significant others? How did you deal with it?

 

[Freddie]

Be thankful that your husband is keeping an eye on you and not the opposite, (been there, not fun).

Give him the benefit of the doubt and try to reassure him by simply saying things like:
"I might be tired after, but I won't know until I try"
or
"If something happens and I don't feel well, I'll give you a call"
and maybe the best one:
"Please try not to worry, I'll be fine".
Good Luck with him and with your card game

 

[Bina]

Your Husband is just nervous and concerned. It's sweet that he cares so much.

 

[Christina]

I am 7 weeks post-op. As some of you may know, from an earlier thread, I had a bout of a-fib after bronchitis, and was in the hospital for almost 5 days. My husband claims that I was "pushing" too hard, and that's why I got the bronchitis. The a-fib was corrected early, but I developed some iatrogenic illnesses. (Phlebitis, and deep vein thrombosis).

Anyhow, I plan to have a girlfriend pick me up, and take me to a bridge game. This is making my husband very nervous. According to him, I should stay away from other people. (BTW, HE has a cold)

I am not "pushing it" as he is constantly saying. I am at the point where I can drive myself, but I am still having friends drive me, as I have to admit, the recent hospitalization, (and the hospital screw ups) has set me back a bit.

I am sick of my husband wanting to put me in a bubble. I don't feel 100%, but I am certainly well enough to go to a card game.

Have any of you had similar problems with your spouses/significant others? How did you deal with it?

My husband was also concerned that I'd overdo which I did many times and had to pay for it the next day. Things don't always go according to plan and they get scared. They are afraid of losing us.
Just be thankful that he loves you and cares about what happens to you. So he's treating you a bit like a child, so what, that's no crime. Pick your fights but this isn't one of them. As a woman you have so much power and you set the tone of the day. Be loving and kind just as you want him to be towards you and you'll get back what you want a thousand times over.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

 

[Taysgrama]

Sometimes its a good thing that they are overprotective but then there is the other side - they think you should be doing more and can't understand why you are not. I agree that you should pick your battles......I would tell him that you will be careful and that if you get tired or start feeling bad, you will call him to come get you. Good luck......

 

[Jackie]

Be happy. This is a little different, but my Daughter-in-law is expecting twins Oct. 7 and my son won't let her do anything. Isn't love wonderful!

 

[briansmom]

I was definitely overprotective with my son and he rebelled hard. There is just something about telling someone they CAN'T do something. I am still trying to let it go and let him decide what he can and can't do. It is REALLY hard.

That being said, I think it is time for a good frank discussion with your husband about how this is making you feel. I think it is wonderful that he wants to protect you, but you have to find the common ground that both of you can live with.

 

[Debster]

I am sure that is frustrating! I am from the other side-I am sure I drove my mom bonkers worrying about her (helicopter daughter-ha!) But she came VERY close to dying, so I was a paranoid mess after her surgery. The irony is now she can buzz past me walking! Good luck with your husband and your continued recovery!! Deb

 

[kfay]

It has been over a year since my surgery and my husband still tries to keep me from doing things that he thinks I shouldn't be doing. We have been doing renovations and have had to move our furniture around 1,000 times. He is always telling me not to lift this or not to move that. It drives me crazy!

At 7 weeks, you should certainly be far enough in your recovery to go enjoy an afternoon of bridge with your friends. I think it will do you good to get out. Just do what I make my 16 year old new driver do, which is call him when you get there, check in again a couple of hours later, and then call him when you are on your way home. He needs to build his confidence up in your health as well.

Go have a great time, you deserve it.

Kim

 

[njean]

Be thankful your hubby is one of those that is considerate. Not everyone is so lucky!

 

[netmiff]

yeah, it's sweet, but oh so frustrating, too! I had a heart-to-heart with my DH, and told him I would not do anything stupid, or do something I shouldn't do, (and I didn't) but at the same time I was going to do as much as I could. As soon as he realized I was not going to be stupid about it, he relaxed and we both had an easier time of it!

 

[Star54]

Be lucky he is so concerned and there for you, I did this alone and I am 19 days post op..there are days I wish I had a make believe husband....(not, lol)...be happy he only wants to protect you...

 

[neil]

yea hes only trying to protect you,us men can be a bit clumsey when it comes to this but we mean well

 

[Braveheart]

Well, my girlfriend picked me up, and I went to the bridge game. I was totally exhausted when I came home, so I took a pain pill and a tranquillizer, and went to sleep.

I am feeling a lot better now.One thing that I have learned is that my strength is limited, and I can only socialize on a limited basis.

I realize that my husband is worried, and he is out to protect me. The thing is, when my frailties are rubbed in my nose, I find it not only not helpful, but depressing. I think that I am wise enough to know when is "enough is enough".

My last bout in the hospital has really gotten to me. The arm is still swollen, and hurts. I thought that I was not going to survive. It is really upsetting to realize that I went through the AVR & bypass at CC with flying colors, only to be laid low by the incompetence at my local hospital. One thing I know. If I have another bout of A-fib, I will go somewhere else.

 

[halleyg]

I hope you feel better soon! This is a tough time, but you'll be feeling like yourself before you know it. Your husband just loves you and is worried about you, as others have said. I used to hate when my frailties were brought up as well. Sometimes I thought I felt better than I really did. It's hard being "sick" but not quite sick...

 

[LauraS]

Our surgeries were a few days apart. My husband is getting better now but still won't let me drive - he says I never could drive anyway so why try now? LOL. My sternum was cut open twice so my cardiologist said I should wait at least 8 weeks to drive. I'm starting to get stir crazy as I'm used to my independence. I'm with you, however. I feel good and I think I can do certain things. Then later I feel the pain in my shoulders or chest. At 7 weeks, we're still healing so I think I'll continue to take it easy for a bit longer. We're moving next month so soon enough I'll have plenty to do!

 

[Jkm7]

yea hes only trying to protect you,us men can be a bit clumsey when it comes to this but we mean well

Neil.... That is one of the sweetest posts I've ever read here.

My DH was a darling through all my heart problems and 2 OHS and a little over-protective. I felt well loved and cared for but 'clumsy' is the perfect word for some of his 'over the top' efforts.

You seem like a very nice man.

 

[sue943]

It sounds wonderful to me to have a husband (or wife) who is caring. I suppose it must be a bit stifling but is much better than either being alone or having a spouse who wouldn't allow you to be ill.

When I was married I had 'women's surgery' and my ex-husband expected me to carry on exactly as I had before my surgery, he expected me to drive immediately and wouldn't even take the children to school for me.

When I had my stroke followed by OHS I lived alone (I still do). I had to cope, no other options.

I guess if you want him to ease off tell him that some people have to do everything for themselves almost from being straight out of hospital so you can surely manage many things at seven weeks post op.

If I were you though, from my personal experience, I would let him pamper me.

 

[Ross]

I am 7 weeks post-op. As some of you may know, from an earlier thread, I had a bout of a-fib after bronchitis, and was in the hospital for almost 5 days. My husband claims that I was "pushing" too hard, and that's why I got the bronchitis. The a-fib was corrected early, but I developed some iatrogenic illnesses. (Phlebitis, and deep vein thrombosis).

Anyhow, I plan to have a girlfriend pick me up, and take me to a bridge game. This is making my husband very nervous. According to him, I should stay away from other people. (BTW, HE has a cold)

I am not "pushing it" as he is constantly saying. I am at the point where I can drive myself, but I am still having friends drive me, as I have to admit, the recent hospitalization, (and the hospital screw ups) has set me back a bit.

I am sick of my husband wanting to put me in a bubble. I don't feel 100%, but I am certainly well enough to go to a card game.

Have any of you had similar problems with your spouses/significant others? How did you deal with it?

I think he loves you! If he didn't care, then I'd wonder. It's normal for us guys that really do love you women.

 

[catwoman]

Braveheart:

I know you feel stifled. But soon you'll be better and in no time your "frailties" will seem like a thing of the past. Kinda like forgetting the pain of OHS or childbirth.

I'd rather have a husband who seems to be overprotective rather than one who decides you're healed and should be scrubbing the kitchen floor 3-4 weeks post-op, or -- just as bad -- doesn't raise an eyebrow if you want to do something foolish.

Friend plans to fly from middle of the country to the New York City area and back -- in one day. Lives about 90 minutes from departure city. Had AVR in late June. Has had some post-op complications (pneumonia, CHF, other things). Don't think she/he plans to tell her/his cardiologist about this trip. The trip is not a matter of life or death. I'm really concerned. Friend has landed in hospital at least twice pre-op, including out of state, because of valve.

Me -- I'd rather have a spouse who does care about my health and well-being and my life! Recovery comes gradually, but it does come.....