Emotionally, I could use some support. Thanks.

[epstns]

Forgive me for asking, but do you still dwell on your valve replacement, even after all these years? I have this fantasy that I'll eventually forget this sorry episode of my life. I'm sick of being haunted by it. I was already on a handful of meds, so another one (Warfarin) is no big deal. Why do you think some people struggle to move on?

Agian, I think some people have a hard time moving on because they cannot stop the self-questioning of "Will this last?" They are perennially worried about their new valve or repair once again failing, and they are afraid of having to go through the process all over again. It takes strength to do it the first time. I can only imagine what it must be like to do it again.

 

[Agian]

I agree - I think Elizabeth K-R's writings apply well to those of us who have recently received a soul-shaking medical diagnosis. Probably more applicable than to our own death, but there may in fact be a connection, as some of these diagnoses cause us to contemplate our own eventual death.

Also, with some heart diagnoses (as well as some relatively fortunate cancer diagnoses, and other chronic conditions), we go through most or all of her "phases" as we figure out how to deal with the diagnosis, and then hopefully we are able to get on with life. Eventually a "new normal" is achieved, and we feel whole again.

Grief can be a luxury. Sometimes when the trauma is so great and overwhelming we just block it out, only for it to re-emerge later as nightmares and flashbacks. My father has never really grieved. Even in old age he will bring up the horrors of his childhood as if it was yesterday. I don't think Kubler Ross ever got it. From Kubler-Ross's perspective, grief is a developmental phase, where suffering will make us more mature. You should read about some of the weird **** she got into, later in her career.

 

[Agian]

Agian, I think some people have a hard time moving on because they cannot stop the self-questioning of "Will this last?" They are perennially worried about their new valve or repair once again failing, and they are afraid of having to go through the process all over again. It takes strength to do it the first time. I can only imagine what it must be like to do it again.

I think you hit the nail on the head.

 

[Nocturne]

I'm still very new to all of this, but I do know a thing or two about emotional reaction to sudden bad medical news. I hope you feel better soon. And I hope that the new valve -- when you eventually need it -- is even better than the last one!

FWIW, I've been leaning towards choosing a bioprosthetic when my time comes, although hopefully "my time" is so far in the future that I'll have totally different options in a totally different ballpark. I'll probably be in the same situation you are at some point in the future. So even if some of my motives rooting for you are somewhat ulterior -- I'm rooting for you! ;^)

P.S. Your cardiologist "minimized your situation"? I've gotten the same vibe from mine. Is that just a "thing" that cardiologists do? Is it supposed to make us feel better or something? I found it irritating when I read about AS and learned that it was WAY more serious than my GP was letting on when he first told me about my echo results a few months ago. He gave me the impression that is was a minor thing that he'd "keep an eye on" but nothing serious. ???

 

[Agian]

Nocturne, I don't want to generalise, but I've had to deal with a few cardiologists I wasn't very impressed with.

 

[dick0236]

Forgive me for asking, but do you still dwell on your valve replacement, even after all these years? I have this fantasy that I'll eventually forget this sorry episode of my life. I'm sick of being haunted by it. I was already on a handful of meds, so another one (Warfarin) is no big deal. Why do you think some people struggle to move on?

It crosses my mind frequently.......but not like it did in the early years after surgery. Frankly, I let the valve dictate too much of my life 'cause "I didn't know what I didn't know". Fortunately over the last several years, the Internet and not my docs, have provided the info to live with what I have been dealt.

PS: I've found it helpful to type out a few questions(3 or 4 max) I want answers to when I go to a Cardio. It lets him know what my current concerns are......even if he thinks otherwise. We all need medical professionals and if you get a good one honor his time during an appointment.......and don't just chit chat.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

Grief can be a luxury. Sometimes when the trauma is so great and overwhelming we just block it out.

I agree ... which is why I advocate talking about it. Not just speaking at people, but talking in a way that opens you up honestly to others (and mainly yourself).

I would also make the point that while trauma is personal its important to put a perspective on things. I know people who've come back from Kosovo after serving time with the military operations there. I know army bomb disposal specialists who witness their friends blown apart ... trauma of that magnitude is the cause of PTSD ... our "trauma" here is largely just the shock of discovery of our mortality and is orders of magnitude lower than those things I've mentioned.

Humans can cope and get on ... but not by magnifying the significance of things and not by internalising them.

I believe that I've had my fair share of difficulties in life, but my approach has been to see them for what they are, accept them and then build my life again. I do not attempt to dismiss them in trivialisation NOR do I attempt to blow them out of proportion. I'm not dead, I'm out of hospital and I'm able to cycle / reno my house / backpack / motorbike and camp. What more do I want or need out of life? And who gives a flying Fire trUCK if I have a mechanical heart valve or need to take a pill daily and prick my finger weekly (or whatever the hell it is I have to do)?

We are all offered choices in life (if we see them or not) and its picking the choice that enables you to be strong, that enables you to take charge of your life, that enables you to grow in strength that is the best one to make. To me the most important thing is to be honest with yourself (anything less is a kind of insanity) and to not suffer from the "kid got his sand castle washed away by a wave" mentality.

Its true, life isn't always easy ... but you know its the difficulties which we face that are our lessons on to how to become better.

Shalom

 

[Agian]

I guess I really wanted to believe I was fixed. Brand new valve, get on with life. Screw the cardiologists. Just me and the Coaguchek. But, that's not the impression I'm getting. It's almost like we're marking time waiting for another potential disaster, and I hate that.

 

[Agian]

It crosses my mind frequently.......but not like it did in the early years after surgery. Frankly, I let the valve dictate too much of my life 'cause "I didn't know what I didn't know". Fortunately over the last several years, the Internet and not my docs, have provided the info to live with what I have been dealt.

PS: I've found it helpful to type out a few questions(3 or 4 max) I want answers to when I go to a Cardio. It lets him know what my current concerns are......even if he thinks otherwise. We all need medical professionals and if you get a good one honor his time during an appointment.......and don't just chit chat.

Well that kind of makes sense. You were a pioneer in a way and you would have had few others to compare yourself with. So the future must have seemed really uncertain, in the early years for you. Like, how long is this contraption going to last? And in those days no one could probably answer that question.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

I guess I really wanted to believe I was fixed.

it is fixed ... including your education. You now know that you have potential for issues, so by being aware of your self (NB: that is NOT the same as paranoid or hypochondriasis) and can present to a Dr if you feel something is amiss

Know Thyself

Brand new valve, get on with life

exactly

. .... Just me and the Coaguchek. But, that's not the impression I'm getting. It's almost like we're marking time waiting for another potential disaster, and I hate that.

be careful that you are not reading into things what are not there.

My old "go to" definition of sanity is: minimal distortion of reality"

If you have to distort reality frequently to be happy or comfortable then you're not well adjusted.
If you have to distort reality all the time to cope then you're not sane.



"For as the material of the carpenter is wood, and that of statuary bronze, so the subject-matter of the art of living is each person's own life."
"sick and yet happy, in peril and yet happy, dying and yet happy, in exile and happy, in disgrace and happy,"[SUP][[/SUP] Epictetus

• Sophia
• Andreia
• Dikaiosyne
• Sophrosyne

Plato


"Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men. All of the ignorance of real good and ill... I can neither be harmed by any of them, for no man will involve me in wrong, nor can I be angry with my kinsman or hate him; for we have come into the world to work together..."
Marcus Aurelius

 

[Agian]

I don't want to believe we're marking time waiting for the next disaster. I was just wondering whether this is what is holding people back. The main reason I got a mechanical valve is that I was under the impression it will outlast me.

Maybe we're a select minority. I notice a lot of people come here pre-op, have their surgery and then we never see them again.... And that's ok.

Know Thyself can also be interpreted as Know Your Place. We are all destined to die.

You quoted Marcus Aurelius

 

[dick0236]

Well that kind of makes sense. You were a pioneer in a way and you would have had few others to compare yourself with. So the future must have seemed really uncertain, in the early years for you. Like, how long is this contraption going to last? And in those days no one could probably answer that question.

Give the man a cigar! You are right. It never occurred to me(for a long time) that they could replace a failed artificial valve with a new one if need be. I thought it was a "one and done" fix. I really thought it would last 20 years and I would be dead at 50.......didn't happen. Then it was 60......didn't happen. Then 70....didn't happen. Then MAYBE 80.....didn't happen. Now I can truthfully say "I have no idea when it will happen".
However, my surgeon told me that the valve was designed and tested to last 50 years.......that"ll be next year, Aug. 2017.....but "what the hell", I've already lived longer than normal US life expectancy....so I can't complain.

 

[Agian]

Oh, I get it now. You never thought that if your mechanical valve failed, they could replace it. You would have thought that if this thing failed, that was it.

Sir, you're a role model to most of us.

 

[Agian]

PS and if it only lasts until 2017, what's stopping you from getting another one?
They're doing routine operations on people in their 90s.

 

[pellicle]

Know Thyself can also be interpreted as Know Your Place. We are all destined to die.

You quoted Marcus Aurelius

we are (my friend) *all* destined to die ... to me it is what I do while I live that defines me ... I can't imagine squealing on my knees before "god" begging for more is much of an epitaph.

I'm happy to have had this long, and I'll do my best to not waste what comes next (meaning what comes next like tomorrow ... while I'm alive).

 

[pellicle]

Hey dick0236

PS and if it only lasts until 2017, what's stopping you from getting another one?
They're doing routine operations on people in their 90s.

have you thought about a TAVI and then valve in valve?

(sorry, couldn't help myself)

Seriously though, given how long its lasted, I would think that your wrecking ball will continue bashing around in there for quite some time.

 

[pellicle]

... Now I can truthfully say "I have no idea when it will happen"..

Ding!

ahmen

 

[Agian]

Hey dick0236


have you thought about a TAV

I had to do a double take. Very funny.

 

[dick0236]

PS and if it only lasts until 2017, what's stopping you from getting another one?
They're doing routine operations on people in their 90s.

I hope not. There is nothing about reaching 90 that excites me. One thing about my having major surgery young is that I don't have much of a "bucket list" remaining. The comedian, George Carlin, one said "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away"

 

[Agian]

You rock. It's true.