Dating with a mechanical valve

[pink.gingham]

I see this is an older thread, but I imagine there is still some interest in the topic.

Back to the original question AaronB asked: when is it the right time to bring up the health problems? Ie: how to balance normalness and some limitations? How to express that it?s serious without giving an impression that I?m a mess?

I have a few illnesses other than the heart thing. I think some people are uncomfortable with illness, and some people think it?s no big deal, depending on their own experiences. I know this has been the case with friends. I lead a normal-ish active life but I do have very frequent and tedious medical appointments and limitations.

 

[Christine]

I understand completely.. being a semi-recently singled woman, who's ready to start dating again, I find it somewhat difficult - i'm open about my valve issues, but, and maybe it's just me, but being in my 30's i'm very self consciense about my scar, which didn't heal so neat and nice as others, and that I take coumadin - which has it's own set of issues... I still do everything I enjoyed doing pre-valve job, but just can not do them in excess.. ie: alcohol, sports, food.. plus now have the pleasure of keeping my INR in line.. my issues are dating men who actually understand and respect my few limitations instead of just saying they do. but I agree, good people are out there.. it just takes time - no one is perfect.. and we all have issues, in some shape or form.. I wouldn't hide your issues, but you'll also know when the time is right to discuss or not.. if not, most likely that person isn't the one.

Chris

 

[timmyup7]

Good luck Aaron

I'm 35 as well, but not divorced or have kids. However, I'm sure it doesn't matter to the single ladies. I'm open about it, and I guess I have been lucky. I have been getting more dates after the surgery than before.

 

[Purdue]

I have been married for 19 years so no advice or even apathy on dating and the process of it. I'm out of touch on the role playing that goes on now.

BAV and TAA replaced for me and I think the process molds us. I've experienced other life changing events in the past that were very harsh but I rank getting through the finding out you are in trouble...surgery...and recovery is experience you can't just go buy. Literally you buy it but you get the point. It shapes you as a person and will force you to align priorities.

Single mothers who have done well, single fathers, a person caring for an ailing parent, etc. all add character and I think a thumping valve does the same. It's who you are and for me, I would talk about it early when the moment fits. Nice second dinner and "can you hear my heart beating? That seemed to start recently while sitting next to you my dear". "Just kidding...it's actually a plastic heart valve that I had replaced back in...............and then blah blah blah. But it does beat louder when I am excited (not that kind of excited people).

And for the ladies. There are only two types of men. People who have terrible morals and manners and people who are kind and embrace children, family baggage, and health issues to name a few.

You are literally "better than new" when you come out of the process and one last point. You (the person who had the TAA, BAV, or other fixed) know more about your heart than the guy sitting across from you at the first date. He may be 90% blocked in an artery and just does not know it.

Feel special when telling your date the details and bring it up early.