D
deogloria
Of course, I've been up all night with stuff to do, and can't sleep. Too stressed, and what's the point? I have to get up in three hours. Can't pack, because almost everything I will need, I need to use before I go. I feel like packing up and just sitting on the couch and waiting!
But then, I know if I go into this overtired, I'll just be exhausted and over-emotional...and the doctors there seem to want to write you off as a loon if you so much as shed a single tear! Last time two docs came in, and were talking to me, and I started to tear up. They asked if I was depressed. I told them no, I'm in pain, and you guys took away my pain meds! The jerks went out in the hall and wrote down that I was depressed!!! (What the heck are those stupid smiley/crying faces on the pain scale for? Sheesh!)
Am I rambling? Yep, I'm rambling. I'm bored. And I'm not even on hospital drugs yet! LOL
I wasn't freaking out too bad leading up to this, but the last few days I've been more worried. Not obsessively, but worried. When I closed up my business on Saturday, I got a weird feeling, like it was going to be the last time I did it. When I spent time with each of my children tonight, and said goodnight to them, I felt like it was going to be for the last time...or the last time for a good long while.
I don't normally feel this way before a surgery. I know heart surgery is a bigger deal than a cesarean, but according to the doc, my risk of death is the same. So why am I getting these weird feelings?
Part of me wishes that they end up re-sedating me instead of taking the tube out, and leaving me that way til the worst part is over! Of course, that's not really possible, since I have to be awake to get the tube out. (Darn!)
Well, all I can say is...I can't wait to get a foot massage from the Alternative Therapy people at the hospital. Yep, they give you free massages. ;-) Every day, if you want. :-D
Now if only I can get them to flavor my food. No matter how many times you explain to them (and get the nutritionist to explain it to them), the heart hospital kitchen just can't seem to grasp that I'm NOT on a heart diet. My cholesterol is good, and so is the ticker. But everything is fake and fat free. Eeew. And try to get them to give me anything more than an old-lady-portion, never mind enough for a breastfeeding mother! LOL
Okay, I'm done rambling. For now. Can't promise I won't be back. I still have three hours left, and hubby is snoring contentedly next to me. I kind of resent that he just rolled over and went to sleep. Even though I did tell him to. ;-) Well, he could have acted more reluctant, at least! My head is telling me "well, ONE of us should sleep"
and my heart is saying "don't you want to snuggle with me one last time in case I end up dying?" I know, pathetic! I need to go get me some balloons for this pity party....
But then, I know if I go into this overtired, I'll just be exhausted and over-emotional...and the doctors there seem to want to write you off as a loon if you so much as shed a single tear! Last time two docs came in, and were talking to me, and I started to tear up. They asked if I was depressed. I told them no, I'm in pain, and you guys took away my pain meds! The jerks went out in the hall and wrote down that I was depressed!!! (What the heck are those stupid smiley/crying faces on the pain scale for? Sheesh!)
Am I rambling? Yep, I'm rambling. I'm bored. And I'm not even on hospital drugs yet! LOL
I wasn't freaking out too bad leading up to this, but the last few days I've been more worried. Not obsessively, but worried. When I closed up my business on Saturday, I got a weird feeling, like it was going to be the last time I did it. When I spent time with each of my children tonight, and said goodnight to them, I felt like it was going to be for the last time...or the last time for a good long while.
I don't normally feel this way before a surgery. I know heart surgery is a bigger deal than a cesarean, but according to the doc, my risk of death is the same. So why am I getting these weird feelings?
Part of me wishes that they end up re-sedating me instead of taking the tube out, and leaving me that way til the worst part is over! Of course, that's not really possible, since I have to be awake to get the tube out. (Darn!)
Well, all I can say is...I can't wait to get a foot massage from the Alternative Therapy people at the hospital. Yep, they give you free massages. ;-) Every day, if you want. :-D
Now if only I can get them to flavor my food. No matter how many times you explain to them (and get the nutritionist to explain it to them), the heart hospital kitchen just can't seem to grasp that I'm NOT on a heart diet. My cholesterol is good, and so is the ticker. But everything is fake and fat free. Eeew. And try to get them to give me anything more than an old-lady-portion, never mind enough for a breastfeeding mother! LOL
Okay, I'm done rambling. For now. Can't promise I won't be back. I still have three hours left, and hubby is snoring contentedly next to me. I kind of resent that he just rolled over and went to sleep. Even though I did tell him to. ;-) Well, he could have acted more reluctant, at least! My head is telling me "well, ONE of us should sleep"
and my heart is saying "don't you want to snuggle with me one last time in case I end up dying?" I know, pathetic! I need to go get me some balloons for this pity party....
