Back from vacation and now waiting....

[rnff2]

Hi all,

I got back late Monday from our family cruise. I am so glad we were able to get away from it all. It was one of the best vacations I have had with my husband, son and some friends. We visited 5 different beaches in 10 days, now that was relaxing.

Now I'm back home and the stress has started again. Today I am 3 weeks away, and it seems everyday it is harder and harder to accept. And to top it off I'm just exhaused all the time. Of course working in a busy ER with all this flu stuff going on and the stress of being exposed to the flu isn't helping. I'm terrified I'm going to get the flu in the next 2-3 weeks and surgery will have to be postphoned. I don't think I could mentally handle that right now. I'm taking it one day at a time.

Now back to the great thoughts of the vacation...and a little xanax...

Kerri

 

[Danny]

Glad you had a good time. I can imagine the stress now..but just try to take it easy between now and then. Relax, and vent if you need to.

 

[Superbob]

Waiting is agonizing, no doubt about it, Kerri. (Think I've got one foot back in the waiting room myself.) Glad you had a restful vacation; wishing you as stress-free next three weeks as possible.

 

[Philip B]

Vacation & Stress Relief

Vacation & Stress Relief

Too bad you couldn't have done your cruise just before surgery. I spent the week before my AVR surgery in Mexico playing golf. It really helped to be doing something that occupied my mind.

Stress and worries before OHS are pretty normal. Keeping one's mind occupied helps, but it's still tough. Hang in there!

-Philip

 

[rnff2]

Thanks all for your support. It is great having somewhere to go for support.

Phillip - I wanted to have my surgery right after my vacation, but my surgeon was going on vacation himself right after mine. And then we tried to schedule it his first day back, Nov 11 but he wanted time to review my cath and pre-op stuff before my surgery so his next available date was Nov 20th....so we tried. Guess we have to do what's best.

Danny, I'm glad to see your doing so well. It gives me hope...and thanks for invite to vent...I am the type of person who loves to vent. Beware...
As far as taking it easy....I'm still working full time, 9 and 12 hr shifts in the ED and have my 4yr old and husband to be there for. No time for taking it easy here. My cardiologist wanted to put me off work a couple of weeks before my vacation and I wouldn't let him, due to FMLA rules and the such. So I do know I should slow down, but I'm such the type that I can't. I am exhausted every minute of everyday. I keep telling people I don't have time for all this "stuff" and if I get behind in life I'll never get caught back up. (think I'll be getting a reality check here real soon)

Superbob - I hope things go well for you if you end up in the waiting room. "Agonizing" is truly a good way to describe the wait.

Thanks again,
Kerri

 

[buncle]

Keep reminding yourself how much better you will feel after it is over.And we are all greatful there is a solution to our problem.I am 6 weeks out and feel 90%.Hang in there!

 

[CA Pigg]

The waiting is the hardest part!!! I'm so glad you were able to have a relaxing good time on the cruise... Cruising is one of my favorite things to do!!!! You are almost there now......

 

[njean]

Well the cruise is over & now for some serious business.

Yes, the wait is probably the hardest part but the day will be here before you know it.

Wishing nothing but the best for you & we're all here to support you through your journey. I hope that you do not come down with the flu or any other stuff before your surgery so that all can go as scheduled.

Godspeed to you!

 

[CThrock]

Waiting is hard but when you look back it comes quickly. Prayers for you and hoping the best surgery to come.

 

[rnff2]

Thanks again for all the well wishes.

I had a really AWFUL morning today. I had about an hour that was just terrible. Everything that could go wrong did. I even walked into work with my socks in my pocket and not on my feet! I got to work and of course my friends noticed I was upset and then the tears started...thank god for great friends/co-workers and lots of hugs. Then later in the day the RN in my cardiologists office didn't follow thru with a medication refill and a note for work, so I had to deal with that. Oh the good part, I made it through the day!

I also made the decision today to make my last day to work this Thurs. I was supposed to work up until my Cath on the 12. Just think that will help with the stress of it all.

Going to try and get my little guy off to bed now....Again I made it through the day and I am 1 day closer...can't be all that bad can it?
Kerri

 

[Danny]

Sorry you had a bad day Kerri, it will all be better soon... you did a good thing by taking off of work earlier than expected. It will do you some good.

 

[rnff2]

One more day of work then off till about Feb 1st. Don't know if I am excited about not working of scared out of my mind about surgery. Doesn't really seem real yet. Feel like I'm in a dream the past couple of days. I scheduled a massage for next week and a hair appointment and pedicure for next week. Guess I should be ready to go...

Today I took care or a 46 yr old healthy woman who was having a stroke. She taught me so much about what kind of patient I want to be and what kind of nurse I really am. She was so strong and so brave. I will be keeping her in my prayers, and I hope that she does well. At one point I said to her, "I bet this isn't how you planned to spend your day." And she had a huge smile on her face and thanked me for that.

She proved to me that I can do this, I can make it over my hill. Amazing what life throws your way when your not expecting it. And how our actions can affect others.

Kerri

 

[Bill B]

Kerri:

Being scared is a natural reaction. I was comforted by the discussion I had with my surgeon. Valve replacement surgery is one of the safest forms of heart surgery, with most centers now reporting less than 1% surgical mortality. And morbidity (complications) are rather rare too. So, the odds are overwhelming that you will go into the OR and in what seems like an instant later wake up in recovery. That's what happened to me 2 weeks ago. Yes, I was still worried about the surgery beforehand, especially since I was not sick at all and the diagnosis they gave me seemed like a cruel joke.

[EDIT: I didn't know you already have been through this once before.]

So, take the time to spell out your fears with your surgeon or his staff and let them explain the likely outcome to you. That helped me a lot. My surgeon was very certain this operation would allow me to live a long and healthy life.

I woke up in recovery and of course was elated to be alive and actually mentating rather well. I was worried about "pumphead", which if you don't know is a temporary state of poor ability to concentrate and form short term memories (remember new people's names, for example). I seemed to have no trouble remembering where I was and the nurses names, so I was relieved about that. I had no other obvious problems other than my mouth was EXTREMELY dry and I had to beg for ice chips over and over that first night (they don't want you to throw up, so they restrict water and ice chips). The nurse and I had a fun banter about that. I was very weak at first, suffered a bit from distended stomach for days (if they had only given me some Reglan!) and trouble sleeping, but I'm home now and doing very well only 2 weeks post-op.

If you knew all this and have been assured the surgery is very safe, then you need to keep that in mind.

I hope you can find some peace.

Best wishes,

Bill

 

[deano89]

cruiseing is the only way to go. glad you enjoyed your break, i felt like i was in a dream to counting the days down,and my surgery got moved from the 6th to the 22nd oct the waiting truly is the hardest ,but the day i set off for hospital it was like i was someone else when i arrived there !my surgeon also gave me reassurance his opening words were the risks are minimal every time i worried i tried to hang on to them words .he also quoted me 1% ,this is still scary , but it is also done succesfully many many times, i still worried i am human thats what we do best!, but i tried to keep it in perspective i know it is hard but you will get through it ! i am 2 weeks post op today good luck .
reading the post surgery also helped me a lot, seeing the people coming out the otherside

 

[aussiemember]

Will be thinking of you in the next few days Kerri. I agree with Dean, when I was waiting for my surgery and feeling scared I would head over to the post surgery forum. To read of all the people who had had successful surgeries really made me feel better

BTW: I'm 8 months out from a MVR and feeling great - walked 5 km today with ease - haven't been able to do that for years!!!

 

[rnff2]

Off to work my last 9 hour day...Hope it is a good one.

Thank you all for the words of comfort. I think my problem is that I know way too much about the surgery and what goes on throughout the process. Having seen my surgeon actually in the OR preforming a heart transplant and the other experiences I have had working in pre and post transplant and the ER as an RN. So I actually think nurse and medical people make the worst patients. I know I am...and to put myself on the other side is alot for me to lose control over. Being an ER nurse you learn to be in control...and my husband will tell you I am a control freak and a major pre-planner. Sometimes it is difficult to let go of that control and be the patient.

Gotta get off to work. I'll check back later.
Thanks Again!!!
Kerri

 

[Jkm7]

Wishing you the very best, Kerri, and thanking you for the work you do for the rest of us.

Of course, you'll come through wonderfully. You will get the best possible care and know how to best proceed through recovery when you get home.

We're counting on you to have a smooth trip 'over the mountain' as you have lots more people you need to help when you are back on your feet.

Godspeed.......

 

[Bill B]

Kerri:

I think it is true that health professionals make over all bad patients. And with your specific-related experience, it could be worse. You need to resist taking an over-active role in your care. I didn't and it cost me dearly in terms of peaceful recovery. I was constantly thinking about what the team was doing or not doing, what every new sensation meant to my longterm outcome, giving what amounted to orders to the nurses and doctors about my care, especially the drugs, as I am trained in that area. Also, I spoke to them in medical jargon about my "gastric ileus" rather than my bloated stomach. That really throws doctors and nurses when a patient does that. I was giving them diagnoses for my problems rather than what I felt.

This all created a lot of anxiety and prevented me from sleeping. FINALLY a smart nurse said,

Mr. Ball, you don't trust us do you? You NEED to trust us. You should know that if there were anything seriously wrong with you, we would be all over it. You have one of the best surgeons in the world and his surgical team is right up there with him. You need to stop trying to take care of yourself and let us do it.

Well that was that. She was 100% right. I calmed right down and took it easy from then on out. Thank god for that nurse.

Being on the inside, you have seen what can happen. You need to focus on having trust in your team and being a good patient (relax, let them take care of you) rather than worry about what might happen and how your might react.

 

[escargome]

Hey Kerri,
Hope you last day at work was at least semi-peaceful. Now begins another chapter in your life. Try to let go of the small things that tick you off. Enjoy the company and love of your husband and son. I too am a control freak and I still remember waiting for my surgery day to arrive was awful. I gave so many orders around the house about how I wanted things done while I was gone that my family finally had to sit me down and say "MOM! chill". In the end the house didn't fall down with dust bunnies or even shake cause the dishes were not done right away. So I know a a nurse you will try to control stuff, but remember YOU are now the patient and all those hospital personnel will have to work like the dickens to keep you happy and comfortable. I will be thinking about you as the time gets closer and closer. God Bless You

 

[rnff2]

So much for a good day in the ER, were we busy today. Oh well, it made the time go by quickly. I had a good cry hugging everyone when I left...the climbing of the mountain has begun.

Funny little story about me. I decided when I was in the hospital after my first OHS at age 14 that I was going to be a nurse and that I was going to work at that hospital someday. I still remember sitting talking with my mom about it. Well I did become a nurse and I did work at that hospital. I am also having this surgery at the same hospital. So if it wasn't for my OHS years ago I may not be where I am today.

If I have been told once I have been told a hundred times to not be a nurse, to just be the patient. It is very hard, but something I have been trying very hard to do. Besides my husband and I are very competitive with each other and I must show him that I can be a good patient. I embarrassed him many years ago, had an anxiety attack getting my wisdom teeth out and he swore he'd never go with me again. Of course he has always been there for me, but now we "joke" about how good I was/am. It's sort of a game we play with each other and I think it helps us both. He's my rock, I wouldn't be able to do this without him.

Off to bed...my little man thinks he needs to stay up all night...Mom is tired. We are going to the circus tomorrow night. That should be fun...

I am loving all this support and encouragement. Puts a smile on my face I look forward to each and every post.

Talk to you all soon.
Kerri