Awkward. . .

[ski girl]

Trinity- I worked with a guy whose daughter had cancer and was bald from the chemo when a woman said to her 'why don't you have any hair?' and the child (five years old) replied: 'Why are you so fat?'

Maybe not the best thing to say to patients??

My upcoming scar will be visible too as I do my sport in two-piece bathers and don't intend to stop . . . so I am already working on responses and please feel free to plagiarise:
Swordfish got me
Rescuing small child from a tiger
Alien abduction
What scar? You should get your eyes checked.

If you come up with anything else, please let me know!

 

[Marguerite53]

I agree, you've had some great answers here (I especially liked Pamela's and Scott's). As I read your opening thread I kept looking at the photo of you -- you are so young!! I'm 56 and I just want to add to the mix here that you will one day feel less sensitive about these things. So many other things will have happened to you over the years that an insensitive remark will just "slide off like a fried egg in a non-stick frying pan". When I was your age I had a man break off a relationship and it hurt me terribly. I could tell that I was having much too hard a time getting over it. At that time a song was playing on the radio and I took the main lyric as a kind of mantra to help me through it. I still use it in other ways........ "sooner or later it's gonna be the last thing on your mind".

I think a quick, honest answer is probably all that's needed. Let go of the urge to judge the person's motives or lack of decency. 1-2-3 quick answer and you're past it. we all know that life is short and precious. Just make that conscious choice to let it slide.

However, you should always come here and vent!!!! :biggrin2::biggrin2: That's why we're all here!

Marguerite

 

[geckley]

For a while when I was younger before my MVR, People would ask me about my Coarctation scar. It goes from under my arm half way around my back. They would ask how that happened I would get real real serious look them straight in the eye and say simple Shark Attack. I still have a few unlucky friends who think I was bitten by a shark. The thing about my scar that really makes me mad is people who see my scar and say "Wow!!!! Aren't you too young for a bi pass ? Or I bet you take better care of yourself now.

 

[Mentu]

I am a little concerned that you still feel uncomfortable about your scar. Humans are curious creatures and will ask questions about things they see that are unusual. If this is distressing for you, you may want to explore this with a counselor. As I see it, people are not going to change and to expect everyone to ignore a chest scar out of politeness is unrealistic. Your choices seem to be keeping your scar covered, as you mentioned, continuing to be irritated by questions about it (and those questions are never going to end if the scar is visible) or coming to terms with what bothers you about it.

I am still a novice at this since tomorrow will mark the end of my first year. When people have asked "What happened there?", I've found it easiest to tell them. As an alternative, I do like "Gang initiation" or "Knife fight". Just remember that when you have an emotional response to a situation, that emotion is coming from inside you not from them.

Yes, definitely, look them in the eye and say "Gang initiation"! That is likely to be a conversation stopper.

Larry

 

[ALCapshaw2]

If you are still bothered by the stares and comments, the simplest solution would seem to be to simply cover it up with a Tee Shirt as you stated in your original post.

Most patients just seem to 'get over it', but then most Heart Patients are older and just take it as another 'bump in the road of life'. On the other end of the scale is GIJanet's young daughter Katie who seems to just take it in stride as 'her normal' and has become a spokesperson for congenital heart disease issues.

 

[csutherland]

How about "I had heart surgery"??? I guess I just don't get the problem. I'm afraid I'd be the one asking the question. There's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
My 7-wk old great-nephew has a zipper down his chest from the first of at least three heart surgeries he'll be having. He's doing fine and the staples come out tomorrow. I'm betting he'll consider it a badge of honor and bravery.

 

[Jkm7]

I can't imagine ever asking a health provider who is a stranger to me anything about their person. I don't like personal questions asked to me by strangers and have to think some other people feel the same way. I look at it as 'none my my business' and possibly would make the other person uncomfortable. Not a good thing to do when they are responsible for caring for your health in some way.

 

[Trinityheart8891]

Hey,
I re-read this again, and it's going to seem like a little bit of a vent....
I guess I should have worded my original post a little better, I in no way intended this post to convey that I hated my scar, or I'm not proud to show it, I guess I was just having a bad day, I usually dont mind when people stare (I usually ignore it) and usually dont get offended, sometimes work feels like a place where not everyone knows about my heart issues, sometimes its a place that I can "get away" by keeping busy I'm less likely to think about my heart issues, and sometimes I can feel "normal" and "invincible" if that is possible

you have to remember, I had my first surgery when I was a little over a year old, I don't know anything other than having a scar on my chest and a wonky heart (I remember when I realized that it was weird to have a scar, and not everyone has one, apparrently I used to think everyone had a scar) I have great days, weeks, months of time where I hardly ever think about it, dont even notice my scar, or think about my heart its a non issue the majority of the time...its just "life" for me. Sometimes I just have days where it bugs me, days where I realize in the middle of my work day while I'm juggling a pager, critical respiratory support for someone in ICU, the ER's breathing treatment and incoming respiratory distress, and 3-4 patients on the floor that "crap, I'm not normal, I'm not invincible" That's where this comment put my frame of mind, its not that I'm not ok with the scar, or that I'm not proud to show it off...

I agree with you geckley, I've gotten the "you're too young" speech too, people just have no clue what they are saying when they come up with some of this stuff, way to make me feel "this" big. . .

Awesome answer marguerite, I really appreciate the pep talk everyone, I just need to learn to redirect the conversation to the patient, which would be the "Professional" thing to do. I like the answer in ski girl's response, but I'm afraid that would get me canned, LOL.

thanks for listening to me and being here!

 

[BDMc]

Morgan, I have almost always just said "Valve job." I used to get the "Aren't you young for that?" a lot in my younger days, I'd just shrug my shoulders. I do think of it as a personal badge of courage, since I was old enough to be scared s_______ at the time. All the best, Brian

 

[Philip B]

How Young?

How Young?

I'll be 55 in a week or so and I still get comments from people about me being too young and healthy to have had heart surgery. So, how old is too young?

-Philip

 

[vtbecca]

This thread brought back a memory for me. When Gabe was about 4 he hated polo shirts. I asked him why and he said "because of this", pointing to the top of his scar. He refused to wear them, but the funny thing is he would go shirtless as much as he could. As soon as we'd get home he'd take off his shirt and run around, not caring about it. I think he only thought it was visible when he wore a shirt. At age 9 he still prefers to walk around without a shirt on.

 

[geckley]

90 in my opinion is too young to go through this. I wouldn't wish OHS on my enemies. (Well maybe one or two of them) lol. But not all of them.