Another Mom Update--need to get some things off my chest

[debster913]

Hi, all--

Thought I'd pop in for a few to let you know how Mom is...
She's still in the hospital. Her recovery has been slow, though she is finally walking and getting herself ambulatory. Migraines set her back a few days (thank goodness for Imitrex!), but it's been frustrating, mostly for her, to be in the hospital this long. Having been through a surgery myself and practically running out the door on day 3, I do understand that at mom's age (68) and the type of surgery she had, this lengthy stay is not unusual.

There is still no definite word on when Mom will come home, though the surgeon is "making noises" about June 1. All of us want her home as soon as she's ready. Mom's complaining about needing a maincure and a hair color treatment, so we know she's feeling better.

Meanwhile, my sister-in-law's mom died a week ago today (suddenly) from cancer. She was doing great, but the chemo did make her tired and dehydrated and she went to the hospital May 16 and died May 20. None of us expected the cancer to take her like that. I've been sad as I've been thinking about my own mom who is staging her own battle against the Big C.

I attended the funeral last Thursday, and on Friday I shared some of my feelings with my classes as I reminded them to cherish their loved ones. Without meaning to, I think I made some kids teary-eyed as they listened to me. My mom's not gone, but there is this terrible feeling inside me that nothing will be the same between us again. I haven't always been the best daughter to her; in my early teens I was rebellious and angry, and took a lot out on her. Although we ameliorated our relationship by the time I was in my early 20s, I still regret being the person I was all those years. Since then, Mom and I have spent lots of time together: shopping, getting our nails done, sitting at her house sharing frozen yogurt and talking. The best times we shared were last spring when I was preparing to have my surgery, and as little energy as I had, my mom and I spent every day together while my husband was at work. Even when I was having marital problems last fall, Mom was there to give me the slap upside the head that I needed. I want to be able to do those things again. I'm not ready to lose my mom.

And then I thought about Sue's (my SIL) mom. She was diagnosed with cancer last May, and within a year she's gone. It's too, too sad. Sue and her mom were best friends (her mom was even Sue's matron of honor when Sue and my brother got married) and this has been so rough on Sue. I can't imagine going through the same thing, though it is an eventuality. I thought about how life isn't fair. I feel pretty lucky that I've gotten through all I have (nearly dying at birth, having heart surgery, getting through that angioplasty unscathed). It's not fair that Sue no longer has her mom here on Earth.

I'm sorry if I've seemed to have rambled, but I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't have to think about all this. I'm afraid that if I relax just enough, I'll break down.

Thanks again for all of your support of my mom. I'll continue to keep you updated as things go, but I need to get my lessons ready for tomorrow (I so can't wait until school's out!)

Thanks for reading,
Debi (debster913)

 

[Nancy]

Debi-

All you can do is take it one day at a time. Live for today. None of us is promised tomorrow anyway.

Things that happened when you were young (and stupid) will remain in the past for your mom. She will cherish the super gal that you are now. So don't dwell on those things. ALL of us have done things we would have done differently, if we had the wisdom of following years.

Let your mom know in many ways how much you love her, and you do, I can tell by the way you have written your post.

 

[Bina]

Debi, your letter is a good reminder for everyone to take some time and call or visit their mom.
I'm so thankful that I did take time for my Mom because she passed away from illness 4 years ago at age 69.

 

[Cooker]

Debi-

All you can do is take it one day at a time. Live for today. None of us is promised tomorrow anyway.

Things that happened when you were young (and stupid) will remain in the past for your mom. She will cherish the super gal that you are now. So don't dwell on those things. ALL of us have done things we would have done differently, if we had the wisdom of following years.

Let your mom know in many ways how much you love her, and you do, I can tell by the way you have written your post.

Nancy, I could not have said it better. Hang in there Debi.

Tom

 

[Pegasus]

Debi, Nancy said wise words. Can't even imagine what you are going through..... I can relate to being rebellious. Years ago I played this Spice Girls song to my mom which sums up my feelings.

She used to be my only enemey and never let me free,
catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be
Every other day I crossed the line
I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would
become the friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
why you were misunderstood.
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love
Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama, I love you, Mama my friend

I didn't want to hear it then but
I am not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you
said and did was right for me
I had a lot of time to think about it,
about the way I used to be,
never had a sense of my responsibilty

Back then I didn't know why...

But now I am sure I know why
why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes,
all I can give you is love
Mama I love you, Mama I care
Mama, I love you, Mama my friend
You are my friend

Wishing your family all the strength to get through this. Your mom will be in my thoughts.
astrid

 

[Harrybaby666]

Hi Debi....

Hi Debi....

I just wanted to chime in and say how sorry I am for your sister-in-law's mother...I know how it is, as I just lost my grandmother on March 20th to a Glioblastoma Stage 4 brain tumor....I just want to say to you something that has helped me during these past few weeks....every time you see your mom, tell her you love her...every time you talk to her on the phone, tell her you love her...I know you feel badly that you were "angry and rebellious" as a teen, BUT....by your mom being with you every step of the way while you were going through your surgery means that she let the past go and she loves you UNCONDITIONALLY.....My grandmother and I had some difficult times, but the bottom line is that I never stopped loving her for one moment, and I know that she never stopped loving me....this is the single most important, precious memory that I have of her, and I am having a much easier time grieving because I remembered to tell her I loved her-each and every time......I will be keeping you and yours in my prayers. Hugs, Harrybaby

 

[hensylee]

"I'm afraid that if I relax just enough, I'll break down."

Might even help to settle you down some.

Your mother is working her way back home. If she is concerned about her looks, she's definitely better. please let her know lots of people are thinking about her and looking forward right along with her to getting her the right color again....... Blessins..........