Am I expecting too much? 7 weeks since surgery

[BarbJean]

Hi all, it has been a bit over 7 weeks since Colin's surgery. I am getting a bit worried because he does not seem to want to do much. He has had a great recovery with no complications. But, he seems to be content to just stay in the house. I have pushed him to get resumes out for teaching positions, but he is procrastinating with almost everything. He has barely seen any friends and has only gone out about 3 times since his surgery. Colin has suffered from social anxiety in the past and I keep imagining he will become agoraphobic and never leave our house again. I suppose this might be the fear of many parents of young adults who don't seem like they will move on in their lives. I am just wondering how much I should be pushing him at this point. Do you think he is still in recovery mode and I should give him more time to "chill"? He did go to a jazz fest yesterday, but left early because he felt tired. I don't want to expect too much of him, but don't want to enable him too much either. Help!

 

[kfay]

It's hard to answer your question since everyone's recovery is different. However, by 7 weeks, I was feeling pretty well and had resumed much of my everyday activities.

Since he hasn't had any setbacks in his recovery, if he has only left the house three times since surgery, I'd have to wonder if he isn't suffering from some depression. Depression is pretty common after heart surgery. Is he walking everyday? I don't recall where you live, but it is starting too cool off everywhere, so getting him outside a couple times a day for a walk might be a good place to start. I'd probably mention your concerns to his Dr. at his next appt. or give them a call if you don't go with him.

 

[Lynlw]

I agree with Kim. Especially since Colin is young and had a good surgery/recovery, it could be depression. Has Colin seen his therapist, or whoever it was he saw before for his anxiety?
Since he is rarely leaving the house, have you considerred heart rehab? Sometimes just having to get up and dressed to go to the PT a couple times a week helps, like since you are already out, lets go to lunch, shopping ect. Also maybe he is concerned about what he should or shouldn't do right now, so rehab would let him (and you) know what he can/should be doing at this point in his recovery.
By 7 weeks Justin was pretty much back to all his activities Even when he had big complications, well 2 months after the infection surgery he was pretty much back to his activities and rarely home.

 

[sunflowergirl]

I am about 5 weeks ahead of him in recovery time and I would say he shouldn't be feeling that tired all the time. I did get tired in the evenings but that was because I was out doing things during the day. I am in Cardiac Rehab now and that is tiring but it is a good tired. I feel he may need more activities. I have a 17 yo son who would much rather hang out in the house than run around and I make sure he has a few activities scheduled...or just make him come with me and do what I need to do. I honestly think the more you sit the more tired you feel. The more he moves around and gets going the better he will feel......I hope this helps Robin

 

[Michelle D]

Sounds like me. I'm 7 weeks out but have had complications. I feel like I'm turning into a shut in. I am nervous about going out into public. I don't talk to friends. I'm definetly depressed. But I'm also anemic and so that doesn't help. Maybe he should be checked for anemia.

 

[Debbrn]

I agree that it could be depression. How much walking is he doing? If he has not been walking or going out that may have decreased his tolerance for activity. He also may be scared to do to much.

Debbie

 

[BarbJean]

Thanks to all of you for your great ideas! Walking: He is not doing enough of it. He has a cardio appt this week and I am going to ask the doc to send him to cardio rehab. That was a great suggestion. At least it would get him out and doing things. Depression: Definitely a concern. He has seen his counsellor a couple of times since he has been home and is also taking the Lexapro he was on before. Anemia: When he saw the surgeon about two weeks ago, they did say he was slightly anemic, but that was normal after this surgery. Maybe I should get him vitamins with iron in them. I think from all of your suggestions, he should be up and about more, so I will do the little "motherly" push.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

Excellent Suggestions from all of the above posts.

The only thing I would add would be to advise both his Cardiologist and Primary Care Physician about his inactivity and possible depression so that all are 'in the loop'.

Exercise, Sunshine, and walking around outdoors (in the neighborhood or in nature/parks) are known to help raise the spirits.

Hope he responds and improves.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[nngbwh]

I remember when I was 7 weeks i was feeling very depressed. Didn't want to do anything except stay home.
Give it some time he will get over it.

 

[Robb Wilder]

My depression set in at about 2 1/2 weeks for about 6 hours. The AC went out and I watched other people put in the room Air Conditioners in the windows. I broke down after my inlaws had left and then I made reservations for disney and left a day later for it which would be the 3rd - 4th week. I didnt go in the park but it was nice change of scenery. After that it was excuse the expression. Balls to the Walls. I didnt stop. Surgeon cleared me to drive the following week. I took advantage of my mother in law being home with my son to help my wife at work as she got her classroom ready for kids the next week. I took it easy but i was out. The following week I really started driving and taking my son to school. Thats at 5 weeks. I had one week of just me at home and taking my son to school (prek3). That was at 6 weeks. At 7 weeks I was back at work part time. I was to start rehab at 7 weeks but I got a stomach bug/food poisoning and started at 8. This week will be 9th week. The 14th will be 2 months.

 

[Lily]

I wonder if the summer heat had anything to do with Colin's possible lethargy also? There are so many beautiful trails (even some non-strenuous ones) to walk and/or hike in your area and what a beautiful (and cooler) time of year to do some hikes. Hoping he feels better soon

 

[hook]

At 24 year of age this is a lot to take in; that is when I was first diagnosed. In his minnd he probably thinks he is a freak, or falling apart. I remember looking at older people thinking I would never get there myself.

Acceptance of this surgery comes with time, and as the body heals his mind should follow. I do think exercise is very important to the healing process.

I am almost 4 months and feeling normal about the valve, but now have to have an ICD. To tell the truth, the valve is no big deal now.

 

[scott.eitman]

I am at 7 weeks. I am 46 with 4 daughters ranging from 9 to 17. Each kid is different in their social behaviors.

If his social behaviors are similar to how they were pre-op, then I do not think I would worry. But, if they are different, I would be on the phone tomorrow to get help.

Good luck
Scott

 

[Lily]

Had another wild thought about how to entice him into hiking; does he have a camera and like taking pictures? My husband bought me a digital camera last year before a big trip and it is just a whole lot of fun.

 

[Cris N]

I totally agree with the others about possible depression. I had it for a while - it was awful. Luckily, I saw my PCP who prescribed an anti-anxiety med. Worked wonders. The other thing may be fear. I was terrified when my husband finally had to get on with his life and leave me alone for hours at a time. Cardiac rehab also worked wonders. Gave me a lot more confidence in my recovery.

 

[njean]

As others have said, everyone's healing time is different. He may be struggling with some depression which is very common after OHS. Give him a bit more time. Hopefully he'll snap out of it & start going on with the business of enjoying his life!

Best of luck!

 

[OldManEmu]

At 7 weeks if there were no complications he should be feeling good again. He should be walking everyday either early or late in the day if it is still hot weather.
I didn't have much tolerance for heat the first summer post surgery.
Cardio rehab is good because it allows you to exercise in a supervised environment; this is helpful if you have fears about your capacity to exercise.

 

[BarbJean]

Again, thank you, thank you all. Lily, you might be right about the heat of this summer. Colin has gotten out to walk the last couple of days and it has been nice and cool. So, I think that will help. Scott, you know, as I think of it, he really has been like this due to his social anxiety. He actually does not seem to be depressed. He is taking Lexapro and sees a counsellor, so I think the counsellor would tell him if he thought he needed to change the meds.
Todd, what you said hits home too. I do think it was not until this surgery that his Marfan was real to him because he was living life as normal as could be. I remember how good it would feel when I would go home to visit my parents when I was single. Just being in the same house, made me feel safe and invulnerable. I think he must feel the same with us. I think I should probably feel grateful that he is around alot and I know how he is doing all the time, because if he was not living here right now, I would probably be anxious. By the way, what is an ICD that you need to have? Hope it is not as hard as your valve replacement.

 

[Luana]

Barb,
I think there probably is some depression going on. It's very common after surgery. Therapy may help, especially a therapist who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. He may be waiting to feel better, though he may have to start doing some more things before the sense of feeling better catches up with him. Some kind of schedule would be really useful for him now.

And, yes, young people usually heal quicker; however, even that is not 100%. He may be slower. Even as a young person with no complications, it's a huge upheaval to go through.

If he's leaving social events because he feels tired, it would probably be a good idea to have some things like thyroid and/or anemia checked out. There may be a physical reason why he's not perky yet, or it could be a combination of something physical and emotional.

 

[BarbJean]

Luana, thanks for the advice. I will bring these things up with the cardio on Thursday.