A little levity

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hensylee

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 10, 2001
Messages
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Location
snowy - Sharpsburg, Ga USA
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's' newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
 
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More levity

More levity

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance,
and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.
****Chris Rock, comedian*****
 
The importance of being mum!

The importance of being mum!

In addition to numbers 16 and 21

hensylee said:
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

My (and a $500/hr criminal lawyer’s) favorite corollary is “Even a fish wouldn’t get caught if he would keep his mouth shut!”
 
#20 and another similar one - You never know the perfect thing to say until five minutes after you've said something else.
 
I'm practicing #12 all the time. People who know me have quit asking for my "honest" opinion. Ones who don't, I just skirt the question!:p :p

I managed to do #9 ok, so I guess I have been successful at some point in my life!
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