Hi Everyone:
Hello from frigid Wisconsin.
I have been scouring the internet to deal with my stress, I was so thankful to find this site with so many of you sharing your experiences and ironically, some of the same fears I have. At 56, I may be one of the only women in the world that has never been in the hospital overnight. I have only had one surgical procedure in my entire life - in 2020 - to have my gallbladder removed by minimally invasive method with tiny 1 inch incisions. At 40, I found out I had a bicuspid valve during a stress test. At 45, I found out I was developing an ascending aorta aneurysm but was told that I probably would be 70 by the time they had to do anything about it. Over the last 2 years, both have started to decline rapidly particularly after I got covid, and last week I was told I would need open heart surgery soon to replace my valve and repair my aneurism. I am meeting with my surgeon next week. To be thinking about open heart surgery when I have no experience with surgery in general is very scary for me. I lost my dad at the age of 30 - and watched him go through multiple heart bypass surgeries starting when I was 13. I know technology and medicine are so advanced now, but memories of him in the hospital post-op still bring all this fear to my mind.
My niece is a cardiac nurse and has been trying to calm my fears, but I'm so stressed. I know this is stupid but I'm not worried about the heart surgery itself - I am going to have my surgery at Northwestern Hospital which is one of the best in our area. I am most worried about the weirdest things like:
1. Waking up with the breathing tube and fearing I will choke or won't be able to breathe
2. Waking up with all those tubes coming out of my body and then, having them removed when awake!! I can imagine this is going to hurt like hell.
3. Having multiple IV's in me. I just had 2 veins blown during my CTA scan last week and so now I have more anxiety about this! I am SO not good with needles and IV's!
4. knowing which heart valve type is the right one to have
5. Worrying about how long the valve will last and if I'm going to have to do it all again sooner than I expect if the valve starts to fail.
I go though periods of not being afraid and just wanting it to be over because I know my quality of life will be better when this is all done and I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and being able to eventually lift something without fear of my aorta exploding. I'm not worried about my recovery - I can deal with that kind of pain, drained energy, loss of appetite, limitations for a while, etc. I just know those first few days in ICU are going to be hell for me and that has me not sleeping well. I am in general a positive person but now I have these weird little moments of " pending doom" like - what if I don't make it? And I have problems planning anything beyond my surgery which is weird because I'm a planner. If anyone talks to me about doing something next year I change the subject and feel very strange like maybe I won't be there so why talk about it? Very strange emotions.
So here I am, posting my fears since I don't know where else to turn. My family is super supportive but they just keep telling me it will be okay. I am reading through posts so it's nice to know I'm not totally alone. So thankful I found you all and can read about your experiences.
Hello from frigid Wisconsin.
I have been scouring the internet to deal with my stress, I was so thankful to find this site with so many of you sharing your experiences and ironically, some of the same fears I have. At 56, I may be one of the only women in the world that has never been in the hospital overnight. I have only had one surgical procedure in my entire life - in 2020 - to have my gallbladder removed by minimally invasive method with tiny 1 inch incisions. At 40, I found out I had a bicuspid valve during a stress test. At 45, I found out I was developing an ascending aorta aneurysm but was told that I probably would be 70 by the time they had to do anything about it. Over the last 2 years, both have started to decline rapidly particularly after I got covid, and last week I was told I would need open heart surgery soon to replace my valve and repair my aneurism. I am meeting with my surgeon next week. To be thinking about open heart surgery when I have no experience with surgery in general is very scary for me. I lost my dad at the age of 30 - and watched him go through multiple heart bypass surgeries starting when I was 13. I know technology and medicine are so advanced now, but memories of him in the hospital post-op still bring all this fear to my mind.
My niece is a cardiac nurse and has been trying to calm my fears, but I'm so stressed. I know this is stupid but I'm not worried about the heart surgery itself - I am going to have my surgery at Northwestern Hospital which is one of the best in our area. I am most worried about the weirdest things like:
1. Waking up with the breathing tube and fearing I will choke or won't be able to breathe
2. Waking up with all those tubes coming out of my body and then, having them removed when awake!! I can imagine this is going to hurt like hell.
3. Having multiple IV's in me. I just had 2 veins blown during my CTA scan last week and so now I have more anxiety about this! I am SO not good with needles and IV's!
4. knowing which heart valve type is the right one to have
5. Worrying about how long the valve will last and if I'm going to have to do it all again sooner than I expect if the valve starts to fail.
I go though periods of not being afraid and just wanting it to be over because I know my quality of life will be better when this is all done and I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and being able to eventually lift something without fear of my aorta exploding. I'm not worried about my recovery - I can deal with that kind of pain, drained energy, loss of appetite, limitations for a while, etc. I just know those first few days in ICU are going to be hell for me and that has me not sleeping well. I am in general a positive person but now I have these weird little moments of " pending doom" like - what if I don't make it? And I have problems planning anything beyond my surgery which is weird because I'm a planner. If anyone talks to me about doing something next year I change the subject and feel very strange like maybe I won't be there so why talk about it? Very strange emotions.
So here I am, posting my fears since I don't know where else to turn. My family is super supportive but they just keep telling me it will be okay. I am reading through posts so it's nice to know I'm not totally alone. So thankful I found you all and can read about your experiences.
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