When is Help Most Needed?

[Char]

Hello, Everyone,
I am Brian's mom (Lieb) and first of all, I would like to thank everyone here who gives of their time and experience to smooth this path for others! You have been so encouraging to my son, and I know you have helped relieve many needless worries as well as point out some factors that need to be considered carefully.
Brian's surgery is scheduled for January 22, and wild horses couldn't keep from being there! I will be in Florida (snowbird time, LOL) and I will fly home for the big day. My question is, when will Brian most need assistance in the house, post-op? Is it possible to book open ended flights? I will be here the week of the surgery. From what I have read here the average hospital stay ranges from 5-7 days or so. I want to be available to care for him as he returns home. His wife may need to return to work.
I have read that some movements are difficult for a while (opening refrigerator doors, reaching for things, etc.) I sure want to be able to help!
Any suggestions you have will be very welcome!
Warm regards,
Char

 

[Karlynn]

Welcome Char!

It's important that Brian have someone with him the first week he's home and possibly the 2nd week, depending on how his strength is. As independent adults, it's hard for us to understand that we need help, and then ask for it. So don't let him tell you that he's fine by himself!

 

[Bina]

Hello Char,
If Brian's wife is able to be home for a week, then it may be nice to take over when she has gone back to work. Some people are quite mobile after 3 weeks, I was not. In any case he will not be able to do anything physical, so having some meals in the freezer and helping out with laundry and shopping is always nice. I'm sure his wife will be drained.

 

[geebee]

I would try to have someone with Brian full-time for the first two weeks if possible. After that, just having someone "on-call" should be sufficient.

Keep in mind that everyone is different so this is open for change but should cover most scenarios.

Glad to hear you will be around for Brian and his wife. I am sure that will make things easier.

 

[terryj]

When my husband had his AVR my doctor wrote a memo for my work saying I was needed to be with him for three weeks. He was in the hospital a week and I was able to stay home with him for three weeks after that thanks to my generous employers. He was 51 when he had his surgery.

 

[WayneGM]

Welcome, Char.

I spent one week in the hospital and then was discharged. My wife could only stay with me the 3 days my first week at home and then I was home alone during the day the rest of my recovery. Opening the refridgerator wasn't a problem, but reaching up to the cupboards was. He set things up so I could reach things easily. I could do light cooking, heat soup, make toast etc. We'd decided what I would have and my wife would make sure whatever I needed was handy. That said, the first weeks weeks I wasn't too hungry anyway. I generally ate light things like fruit, cereal, and crackers. Our bedroom is up stairs so my wife would make sure I got down to the main floor in the morning and we set up the family room so that I would be comfortable all day. Since it was winter, I did my walking and stretching exercises around the house on the one floor. It wasn't too bad at all. You just need to be prepared.

 

[DebbyA]

About the flights. Someone with more experience may be able to give better advice. I think just book the date range of your best guess and be prepared to pay a change penalty if necessary. If you have several choices of routes or airlines, you could ask what that penalty would be. I'm guessing an open end booking, if it exists, would be more expensive.

Best wishes to you and Brian in the upcoming surgery.

 

[Phyllis]

Welcome Char. It is hard to be a "heart mom" no matter how old the child! You have had all good advice here. The first 3 weeks are the hardest and any help you can give your daughter-in-law I'm sure will be appreciated. I put Brian, (lieb2101)'s surgery on the calendar and wish you all a successful surgery and uneventful recovery.

 

[Guest]

3 weeks if you can...

3 weeks if you can...

The first 3 weeks are the hardest and any help you can give your daughter-in-law I'm sure will be appreciated.

I second the 3 wk mark, I'm 3 wks 1 day post op. My husband helps me get up during the night, during the day, and in the morning. Lying in the recliner or the bed tends to make me stiff and I'm not supposed to lift more than 5 pounds so I do not attempt to get up from the recliner, and you can't roll out of a recliner. It's a bit easier to roll out of the bed. Use lots of pillows. There are also a lot of dr appts during the first three weeks and having someone available to take you is a big plus.

 

[Superbob]

Char,

I would just echo what others have said. I recall needing the most help the first two weeks after coming home (from a 5-day stay in the hospital).

Sending best wishes as your family makes preparations....

 

[Granbonny]

I agree with the others on helping your son for 3 weeks..(after his return home)...so maybe plan to book your flight for 1 month away?.....Your daughter-in-law will be tired..if she is staying full time with him during his hospital stay..5-7 days.....Perhaps you can use that time to cook/freeze meals..(for your daughter-in-law) after you return home...If she returns to work..I know she would appreciate them.. If your D/I/law returns to work shortly after your son comes home..YES..he will need your help..with meds, making sure he is up and walking a little in the house, ect......Bonnie

 

[WesternNYer]

Been awhile...stopping in to say hello

Been awhile...stopping in to say hello

Its been 2 years and a month after my AVR...I remember my mom and dad came up and stayed about 2 weeks. I needed all of that,though...honestly after a week I was getting alittle crazy after living solo...BUT...in reality....I needed the help and thats what was hard on me I guess.
My Mom has been an RN since around 1960 ( currently a director of Nursing at a 300 bed facility)...So when she laid down the law...I followed it to the letter.....legs up after meals....no lifting...no automobiles...Be firm.
And remember to have them use the spirometer.....carry their pillow ( coughs are rough....SNEEZES, evil ! ).
Stay as long as you feel they need it....but remember....they made need space to reflect...

 

[Philip B]

Post-op Help

Post-op Help

Perspectives regarding how long help is needed when one returns home after AVR surgery. As noted in several of the previous posts, the length of time one needs help really depends upon the individual.

My wife stayed home with me for my first few days at home following surgery and I appreciated her help, but in all honesty, I would have been okay without her at home. Unlike other members who have encountered difficulties doing routine tasks around the housepost-op, I was able to do what I needed to do without assistance immediately. This said, I firmly believe having someone around to help is not a bad thing.

It would probably be a good idea to visit with your son and daughter-in-law about how long you need to plan to stay. A flexible plan might be a good thing. I do believe it is important to get a feel for how much space and independence the individual you are trying to help really needs.

-Philip

 

[DeWayne]

My wife was able to work from home the first week. After that I was on my own. I would make sure I had everything I needed for the day before she left for work and managed just fine. By the 3rd week I was getting along pretty well.
I never had a problem with refrigerator doors or anything, in fact the first thing I did when I got home was walk up a flight of stairs without a problem.
I did sleep in a recliner for a month or so, it was much easier to get up for me, I would try every now and then to get into bed but until it was comfortable I slept in the recliner. I did attach a home made extention to the recliner arm on my lazyboy so I didn't have to reach down!

 

[njean]

After my surgery last year, my husband stayed at home with me for 4 weeks. For the first 3 weeks I was just so helpless & weak -- he would have to prepare the meals because I was so weak I just could not manage to cook for myself. I also needed someone to drive me to the coumadin Lab for my weekly INR checks as well as to do other little chores around the house such as laundry, feeding the pets, picking up things, & helping me out of bed or off the recliner even!

So I think that if someone can be home for the first 2 to 3 weeks, that would be great! Thereafter, perhaps the neighbors, friends, family, can be lined up or alerted to check in on your son from time to time to see if they can be of help.

Best wishes & good luck!