" My surgeon said only the living comment "
"The surgeons comments were (and I'll will be honest) utterly against joining any online forum in relation to the operation and he did reiterate the point several times."
I find his view on this remarkable. I found out about my situation 19 months ago and crossed over into the severe category 2 weeks ago. I have found this board incredibly supportive and helpful. Yes, only the living comment, but you want to be among the living and perhaps it is good to hear what those who have experienced valve surgery have to say about getting through this in one piece, making wise choices, and good health management after surgery to make sure that you stay among the living. And, as this forum has been around for a couple of decades, there is wisdom posted here from those who are no longer among the living and it is valued still.
You will get through this. As others have said, at some point you will look back at your pre-operation days and wonder what the worry was all about.
It may feel like we have been dealt a bad hand, but really not so much. I have plenty of friends who have lost a spouse at a young age, or lost children. Now, those are really hard circumstances to deal with. We, on the other hand, will almost certainly get through our surgery and have a near normal life expectancy. And, if you don't like the prospects of having a slightly lower life expectancy, go hard core on good health for the rest of your life - diet and exercise and read all the longevity literature and live it and your life expectancy will likely be just as good as anyone else, possibly even better, despite the hand you were dealt with your valve.