what to do?

[AngelTiger]

Hi there...my sister is going to have surgery soon to replace her Mitral Valve. I'm looking for some advice on what I can do to help her through this, and not to annoy her too much. Anything you can tell me would be a big help, and I could pass it along to the rest of our family.

 

[Barry]

There's a thread on "Hospital Hints" that includes, among other things, stuff that family members can do when someone ends up being stuck in the hospital.

 

[ALCapshaw2]

Welcome AngelTiger (we have a member whose screen name is TigerAngel

For starters, I would recommend that you browse through the Pre-Surgery and Post-Surgery Forums. There have been LOTS of hints posted there, including a thread entitled Hospital Hints.

You can also find specific information by doing a SEARCH for identifying keyword(s).

If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask and you are bound to get the information you seek.

BTW, although Valve Replacement is MAJOR SURGERY, it is a Highly Refined Art with extremely high success rates when performed by surgeons who do them regularly (>200 a year). For first time surgeries in patients under age 60, the success rate is 98-99%. Getting a defective valve replaced is the RIGHT thing to do!

Happy Reading.

'AL Capshaw'

 

[Nancy]

Angel-

Can you give us an idea of your age and your sister's age? Also does she have other family, husband or children?

 

[AngelTiger]

Angel-

Can you give us an idea of your age and your sister's age? Also does she have other family, husband or children?

Thanks everyone for pointing me in a direction! I'm 26, and my sister is 24. She posts on this website under the name Liza. She's the one that told me about this site. So, her being my little sister, I get very protective and just want to do what's best for her. The other family we have is two other older sisters, parents and a (her) boyfriend. I just want to help everyone be aware of things and how they can help too.

So, again, Thanks for your suggestions!

 

[Mary]

Angel,
You and Liza both have come to the right place! Take some time and read posts (and that will take you SOME TIME!) and then you will have a better sense of the questions you still need to ask and research.
I'm glad you joined us!

 

[geebee]

Angel,

Just by starting this thread you have helped your sister. It is obvious that you care about her and want to help.

If Liza tells you that she is being annoyed by your efforts - you just tell her to get on in her and we will woop her for you - JUST KIDDING.

Sometimes the best way to help is just to let her know you are willing to do ANYTHING she wants done from holding her hand to washing her floors . However, for specifics - does she have her own home? If she does, you can make sure she has plenty of easy to prepare foods. I always made sure I had disposable dishes & flatware so I didn't have to worry about dishes. Make sure she has a recliner set up near the bathroom so, if she is tired, she doesn't have to worry about too much effort.

Have a table or small cabinet near the recliner for meds and magazines, etc. Have a supply of small bottles of water nearby - they are easy to pick up and are disposable. Also make sure there is a fairly large trash can within throwing reach. Telephone should be on that table/cabinet also.

While she is still in the hospital, stop by and see her but be happy just to sit quietly and hold her hand. Talking can be an effort the first day or so. She will be using all her energy to overcome the trauma of surgery so don't expect conversations. I was happy just to have someone in the room that I knew was watching over me.

Enough for now. Let me know of any questions from here.

Your sister is very lucky to have you.

 

[Karlynn]

What a wonderful sister you are. Yes, we know Liza! We're glad both of you are here. I would suggest doing some reading first - such as the Hospital Hints thread. Use the search function. Don't hesitate to ask a question. Even if it's been asked before, we'll be happy to answer it again - because most likely someone else has the same question.

So does this mean that you'll be posting on how Liza's surgery goes? We always wait anxiously to hear word of the surgical outcome and first few days of recovery. Then we breath a sigh of relief.

 

[Ross]

Ha, I just realized, she's in Columbus, your in Mansfield and I'm in North Canton--That makes this the OHIO BERMUDA TRIANGLE!

 

[Barry]

AngelTiger, besides the advice you're getting here, there's one very very important source of advice you should seek out if you haven't already: Liza.

What folks want is pretty variable. A lot of folks want someone there with them. Some curmudgeons - like me - find even the best-loved people to be insufferably annoying just by being with us when we're not feeling well and, other than a quick check to see if we need anything, mostly just want to be left alone until we're feeling better. What does Liza want?

A difficult topic you may want to broach with her is a living will, advance directives, or whatever they call it in your state so that your family won't be left in the situation the Schiavo family was put in if things go badly for Liza. It's young folks like your sister, undergoing procedures with an excellent prognosis such as replacing a mitral valve (that's what I had done), who are least likely to have advance directives or some such in place.

 

[Nancy]

One thing you could do for her is to offer to call people and let them know how she did. The obligation of calling people is very burdensome with something like this.

Another (if you will be there for her afterwards) is to field any visitors. She may not be up to visiting when she first gets, and probably for the first week.

Another is to offer to cook, clean and wash clothes for her, if she wants. She will have serious limits on what she can lift and do.

One of the best things you can do is to learn all about the surgery she is going to have, and then be with her in the hospital as much as possible to keep watch over her, that is unless someone else has offered to do that. Even in the best hospitals, the patient needs someone there almost 24/7 for them. Once she's out of the ICU, the level of care can (in some hospitals) drop off dramatically.

Be prepared for the fact that her emotions wille all over the place from the leftover anesthesia and pain meds. I'm talking about crying jags, sadness, anger, even hallucinations. This all goes away eventually, but it's common and not talked about much. So don't become alarmed.

She won't be sleeping much at night and will be taking catnaps throughout the day, that's normal and can continue for quite some time.

 

[Granbonny]

Be sure and be there for your Parents... The waiting for them will be hard..during Liza's surgery...Parents worry Keep them calm..and assure them that she will be fine. Prepare them for when they first go in to see Liza..she will have many tubes, ect. but most will be removed soon. I agree with nancy. someone should stay in the room with her 24 hours a day. Just to make sure that she is up and walking the halls..Helps get the nasty drugs out of her. Also, to help her with grooming. If you look good..you feel good. ..Brushing her hair..being in the bathroom with her..while she brushes her teeth, ect.Most valver have to wear those ugly stockings and I needed my daughter to help me put them on and off. Be sure and buy her a weekly pillbox for her post-op meds... We will be thinking of Liza on her Surgery day. Bonnie

 

[gadgetman]

AngelTiger,

Bet there's a story in that Handle . Regardless of what GRUMPY BARRY says, someone should be there in her room to watch over her. Like Nancy said, it is good to have an advocate there (my wife was my Godsend) to watch over the treatment, meds, tests, etc. I know several times I just went with the flow but the wife broke in and asked questions. Only time she let me down is when the nurse got me up out of bed at 12 midnight on my last day to WEIGH ME . The wife slept through it all . Don't see why she should be tired, I wasn't .

Good luck to all of you during this trial. Sometimes we forget that the family also needs a lot of support. Be there for her when she needs you.

May God Bless,

Danny

 

[Ross]

A family members presence at all times is a must!!!!

 

[terryj]

I agree with everyone else. Once my husband was in his room I stayed with him 24/7 for 7 days. And the nurses appreciated me being there. I made sure he took his walks,did his breathing exercises and asked for his pain meds as needed. I also monitored some of his visitors so they knew when he was tired and it was time to cut the visit short.

 

[Barry]

GRUMPY BARRY

While I'm normally a rather cheerful, pleasant fellow, when I'm not feeling well I keep getting these job offers from people who want me to interrogate prisoners in Guantanamo. And I had worked around the medical professions long enough to know that one has to pay attention to one's own treatment regimen.

FYI, the nurse who prepped me for, and asked me to sign consent to, a coronary bypass when I was there for valve replacement instead, now no longer requires 24-hour institutional care.

And the moral to that story is, yes, somebody needs to be watching the shop.

 

[Blanche]

Angel:
There is a neat book " How to Get Out of the Hospital Alive", written by an MD who had great problems after heart surgery because of an infection that could have been prevented. I have some non-heart related surgery scheduled. The book was a great help to the person who will be my advocate. There is also a good, comprehensive chapter for family members.

http://www.josseybass.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-0028623630.html

I really believe that it is vital to have an advocate with any patent 24/7. This is especially true if the patient is unable to care for herself.

Blanche

 

[AngelTiger]

Thanks everyone for the good advice! I'll keep everyone posted about her recovery until she can come on herself. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers too. I know we're all worried about her, but that's what families do.

 

[McJenny]

Thanks so much!

Thanks so much!

Hi Everyone - I just want to thank you for being so kind and supportive to my two daughters who have posted on the site. You have given so many good suggestions and so much first hand experience advice and so much support, it seems a mere thanks is hardly enough to say. Liza told me about this site a couple of weeks ago and I read through the posts often, many times getting teary-eyed because a group of strangers who have "been there, done that..." are so willing to pass on their first hand experiences, prayers, and good wishes. I personally will be very happy when the surgery is over and she is on the road to recovery. I am not sure if she realizes how stressful this is on the rest of us but, fortunately, we all realize that it is even more stressful for her! We are all here for her and with the help of your support and suggestions, we have a much better idea of just what to expect and ways to help that we would probably have never thought of. So - to everyone - thank you from the bottom of my heart

 

[geebee]

To Liza, AngelTiger & McJenny

To Liza, AngelTiger & McJenny

You all sound like you are part of a great and very loving family. I think you are well prepared and will get through surgery without any hitches. It will be easier now that you have so much info to guide you.

Your love will make the road much smoother.