What do I tell my 6 yearold?

[danielgilboa]

had the kid talk yesterday

had the kid talk yesterday

Hi,

Well, we had the conversation with the kids last night.

We started by listning to my heart, his hart, my wifes heart, the 2 y.old's and so on. After a couple of tries he could actualy describe his heart beat (boom-boom-boom) as opposed to mine (boom-pshshsh!-boom-pshshsh!).
Then we looked up some animations of hearts and focused on the 4 "gates" and their functions. Then we learned from animations how a prolapsing valve looks, what is wrong with it and where the wooosh sound is coming from. The next stage was to watch my Echo tape which shows quite clearly how the valve cuspids bend back and open up. Then we looked at pictures of a mechanical valve and said it could be set in instead of the bad one.He undestood this all! he is only 6!

Then we went into the "correction" part of it. When we described the doctor would need to cut daddy a little to replace the valve is when he broke in tears. But not for long. We asked him if he had questions but he did not.
We think he will absorbe this info over the next few days and then he might have questions.

The 2 y.old was amused by the stethoscope and asked if daddy is a doctor. We do not think any of this is geting through to him.

Well, so far the kid looks stronger than I imagined. Hope it holds up throughout our long journey to come.

Thank you all for the useful ideas and support, I realy felt I can cope with this stage in a much more controled manner.

Daniel

 

[Harpoon]

Kinda sounds like you have a strong kid there.... You did a pretty good job of explaining things, very thorough and on his level too.

I wouldn't worry about the two year old, at that age, they really don't have any comprehension of what's going on and don't really care much unless it relates to them directly. Toddlers are VERY VERY self-centered and unless they see you screaming in pain or sobbing uncontrollably, they just don't really know to care.

My kid was three when I went for surgery. He just turned three a month before my operation. He knew I'd be "away" and that they were going to fix my heart, but beyond that he really didn't understand what was going on.


There are times now, if I have a really bad coughing fit (unrelated, it seems, to the heart issues) that he'll ask his mom if I have to go back to the hospital, but beyond that he really doesn't seem to have any "ill effects" from my two months in Cleveland.

He's sitting in the living room right now watching Rocky and Bullwinkle having KFC chicken for lunch (yeah, I'm spoiling him today) and he's quite happy, he doesn't have any thought of how sick I was or how close to dying I got. I'm just daddy and I'm fine and I can jump out of my chair at any moment and chase him around the house as long as he can run....


Older kids have more of a comprehension of how serious this can be. They know more and pay better attention and remember stuff more clearly. But they can also carry on better conversations and ask good questions about what's happening AND understand the answers if they're simple and direct.


Having a videotape of the echo and the animations and photos on the Internet is a great thing. The stethescope too. My kid knows my heart sounds different than everyone else's. He'll even ask to listen to it once in a while.

"That sounds so neat daddy!"



Yeah, it does....


wiping tears from face...

I'm a sap!

 

[KathyH]

Our little grandaugher 3 1/2 was living with us and we told her that Gram had a boo in her heart and that was all she needed to know. The first time she saw me post op, she gave me the gentlest hug and kisses. She was most interested in seeing my boo- boo and showing all her favorite toys it. Good luck to you.
Kathy

 

[danielgilboa]

Hi Harpoon

Hi Harpoon

Dear Harpoon,

Thanks for sharing your experience. I read your sign-off, man what you have gone through! it must be the greatest thing in the world to chase your kid around! my condition now, preop is not that bad but I do look forward to being a more energetic and mischif Daddy. I am sure it will come and that gives me the motivation to go through it all.

Keep well and have fun with your kid!

DAniel

 

[Granbonny]

My Grandson was age 9...I was told on a Thursday about my aneurysm...Surgery for the following Monday a.m...I went home to my daughter's house for the weekend. We all met Sat. Morning for breakfast at the Waffle House. I had to try to be normal..but left when the tears came..so Kameron would not see me cry..Sat in the car..then went to his Ballgame. All he knew..was that Granbonny was going to hospital to have her heart fixed...My son brought him to hospital on Wed. night. He crawled in bed with me..watched T.V. was lucky because all tubes were gone.. I told him when I go home..I would not be able to play with him for a little time.. He said, but Granbonny..I want you to come to my ballgames. That was the worse time for me. Those first 3 weeks..thinking about him..so the family took me to see one of his games at 3 weeks post-op. He was so excited to see me there..Thought I was all well..but after that..when he came for weekends..I just said to him..slow down..Granbonny is not healed yet. See my scar..And he would say..O.K. His Dad, My son, a policeman was a basketcase...I told my pre-op nurse to give him a good-feel shot...And he is age 34. Knowing you are not going to die from VR..I think the less you tell the little ones under age 12..the better. Only that you will be in the hospital and little kids cannot come to visit. They may bring a boo-boo from school. Bonnie

 

[Harpoon]

daniel

The way I figured it (and still do) there was no other choice in the matter. I was in a VERY bad way when I finally got to the hospital the day before my surgery. No one really knew how bad I was. If you look at the condition I was on on paper, I really shouldn't have been able to walk into the hospital the way I did.

There was only one course of action, only one way to go and I think it's the first time I've ever truely surrendered to anything in my life. I never gave up, I just let everything go and hoped I came out OK on the other side, where ever that side might have been...

Kids seem to accept a lot. They get fussy over little things, they won't take no for an answer when they want candy or to watch more TV, however they'll take the big stuff in stride. My son knew I had to go to a hospital to get fixed, that I'd be gone for a while and that I wouldn't be able to play with him for a long time after that. As it turned out, I was gone for a LONG time and when I finally got home, I was well enough to do a lot of the things I couldn't do with him before I had left, though I had to be careful and couldn't wrestle around or pick him up for the longest time. I could take him places, run around outside and share things with him I couldn't share before (this included the new "battle wounds" I had racked up for myself)

Everyone here has said you spend time explaining what's going to happen in simple terms. You let them ask their questions and you answer as best and as simply as you can.

They'll get it, and they'll be OK in the end.