Hope these put a smile of your face........
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2 ) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'
3 ) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a little boy before?'
4 ) POLICE It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a
dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the
boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
'What'd he do?'
5 ) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
6 ) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it
always gives you a headache the next morning.'
7 ) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and
unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
8 ) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of
the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I
found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2 ) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'
3 ) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a little boy before?'
4 ) POLICE It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a
dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the
boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
'What'd he do?'
5 ) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
6 ) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it
always gives you a headache the next morning.'
7 ) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and
unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
8 ) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of
the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I
found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.
